The moment might be a little difficult to digest when your kid swears in front of you out of the blue. But, no need to be shocked, it's not happening with you only, there are more parents who experienced this awkward moment.
According to a study, eighty-six percent of parents agree that children aged between 2 to 12 are cursing more today compared to the time when they themselves were children. Out of all the participating parents, fifty-four percent of them confessed that their child cursed in front of them. However, 20 percent of the participants accepted that their child didn't curse or sweared deliberately, and they hardly understood the meaning of the word.
So, now you know that the problem is quite at large, and something needs to be done immediately. But, how can you help your child from stopping with their swearing habit? The process can be tough, and you will feel the urge to get over with it soon, yet, patience is the key to success, and this applies in here too.
Below are some tried and tested self-help methods to help yourself and your child from swearing in public, school, or at home. Just remember, swearing might not look dangerous, but the consequences can be negative if the habit persists for long.
#1. Don't Lose Your Temper
It’s very obvious that you’ll lose your temper the very first time you hear your child swearing or cursing. Your temper might intimidate your child, and rather than solving the problem; it can worsen the situation. So, the first thing is to be calm and keep your nerves in control. Raising hands on your kids or using violence of any kind is not the proper solution, so refrain from using it.
There’s always a better way to deal with the problems, and inducing fear is not one of them. Adopt the method of love, have faith on your parenting and deal the problems with silence.
#2. Stop Ignoring
"Ignorance is bliss" but only in cases where ignorance saves you from being overwhelmed with the situations. But, ignorance is not blissful when things are related to your child. While growing up, your child will do so many things that might or might not be appropriate according to you, but they will never know about it unless you tell them. Being a child, it’s difficult to distinguish between right and wrong things, whether it’s about cursing and swearing, or bullying. What is needed from parents is a constant observation of their child’s activity and proper guidance to lead them on the right path.
Some parents believe that enlightening your child about the inappropriate words used by them will only encourage the behavior, so they choose to ignore it. There are some parents who decide to ignore the use of inappropriate words by their child by considering it as an act of innocence. However, they fail to acknowledge that how will their child learn that cursing is not okay if you don’t teach them? So, stop ignoring and discourage your child every time he/she uses the bad words. Be consistent with your feedback, don’t get soft because they’re your kids.
#3. Identify The Cause
Eliminating the cause is a better way to solve a problem from occurring later. When your kids swear, the first step is to find out why they are doing so, and where did they learn that from? When very young children swear for the first time, it’s usually a matter of repeating things they’ve heard. So, find out where did they learn it from.
Kids learn the swear words from a variety of sources, and finding the source can be very difficult. Sometimes, you yourself can be the source and knowing that, we might not want to admit it. Accept it or not, the fact is that one of the main places where your kids hear these words is at home. It's nothing to be embarrassed or shocked of, even parents who do their best not to swear in public often swear at home and your child is likely to pick up on it.
So, if you acknowledge the fact, try to keep yourself in control and refrain from uttering the words.
#4. Tell Your Kid About The Word
Sometimes, the use of the inappropriate word by your child is not deliberate, they just say it in the flow. There might be chances that they hardly know what it actually means, and they used it unknowingly. So, if your child uses the word, first things first, check with them if they know what it means. If they say 'NO,' tell them about the word and tell them it's not okay to use the word. If they understand the word, tell them not to use it, and you won't forgive them if the use of the word continues. Explain your kid why the word is offensive, and how it affects others.
#5. Brainstorm New Alternatives
If your child is already addicted to the cursing habit, the process might be a little difficult for them. So, rather than asking them to stop it instantly, ask them to use words that are acceptable until they give up cursing forever. But, how would your child know what is the acceptable replacement for the ‘F’ word? The solution is you. Sit with your kid and brainstorm new words that are not offensive and can replace the ‘F’ word. Words that convey similar emotions yet not sound offensive. It doesn’t have to be a properly defined word from the dictionary; this can be a part of your imaginary personal dictionary.
Children usually use these words when they are upset or frustrated about something, to explain their feelings. The new words to replace the objectionable words can help them improve their vocabulary and also help them expressing their feelings without using inappropriate language.
#6. Set Consequences, And Make No Exceptions
Consequences in return of unwanted actions is the last solution to rectify a problem. If your child continues swearing at home or in public even after multiple efforts, the last thing you can do is set consequences against swearing. Award them with strict punishments which can help them improve their behavior in a constructive manner. Tell him/her that every time they swear at home, they will be awarded with a punishment. The simplest punishment can be no pocket money, or a cutoff in their pocket allowance. Other things like washing the dishes, washing clothes, picking up vegetables from the market, ban on their TV time, or cancellation of their next weekend vacation plans.
But, such consequences against unwanted action rule implies on you too. You are no exceptions, and the same punishments applies on you if you use the ‘Not to be used words’. So, be honest with yourself and your rules and award yourself with the same punishment if you break a rule. Ask your kid to keep an eye on you like you do with them; this might even help you two improve your bond.
#7. Adopt The Swear Box Solution
All hail for the 'Swear box' solution. If your child has learned to swear from the family, there are chances that one member in your family is affected by it already, or the whole family is deceased. So, in such cases, reprimanding only your kid won't help, cessate the problem completely from the family. So, install the infamous, simple and economic swear box. The idea is very simple and fun if the whole family needs to work on their language.
Decide an amount like a dollar, or two and make it a policy for everyone to follow, "Drop a dollar in the box every time you curse'. The swear box can be a fun and effective way to eliminate cursing. When we implemented the same rule in our family, I was surprised to find out that the money collected in the box was twice more than my monthly pay. You can use the collected money to reward your family for their good work and do some activity, like an evening at the movies.
#8. Call The Super Granny Or Grandpa For Help
We can only tell you how to control your child from cursing, but the reality is, even we find it difficult to adopt our own suggested methods to curb the problem. Every adult is busy; they hardly get the time to think about all these things after their office. So, it might be difficult for you to do it all alone and you might need a superhero to help you. Seems impossible? Don't worry, we know someone in your life who can help you- the super grandpa, or you can even call for super granny.
As most child psychologists suggest, love and care is the only suitable way to deal with any problem that relates to your child. However, being an adult, we have problems of our own, and we might not be able to digest the fact that our child is cursing. The whole experience along with the combined personal stress might compel you to burst out and do something wrong. So, you need someone experienced enough to handle the situation, someone who is mature and trusted enough to help you with your kids. And, who’s better than your own parents for this big responsibility. They understand the problem better and know a way out which is practically tested when you were a kid yourself. So, if you need some help, don’t hesitate to call your mother and father for a week, a month, or even a year.
#9. Select The Right Guests
Your child learning to curse within the family doesn't mean they are learning it from you or your partner. There are other temporary family members who can be the cause of the problem. Maybe you don’t swear, but if your child is cursing and you know he/she learned it in the family, the culprit might be your frequent guests. So, having the right kind of people visiting your family is mandatory to ensure your kid doesn’t get influenced.
If you know such people who frequently visit your family and might have an impact on your kid, communicate with them. Tell them that it's not okay for them to use inappropriate language while they visit your family, or while you're around your kids.
Be honest and tell your guest that you might be comfortable with their language only in different settings, and around your kid is not one of them. Also, if the guest is a less frequent visitor, try to talk to them separately and request them to refrain from swearing.
#10. Keep An Eye On What They’re Watching
Your kids might be used to a TV show or something on the internet that might not have a profanity filter and might impact your kids badly. So, monitoring what your child is watching on the internet or on TV can also help, and is mandatory to stop your child from swearing. Use it as a precaution, and pay attention to what your children are watching on TV when you're not with them. TV or movies with such explicit content are easy to access and are the biggest culprits in such cases because of the lack of age restrictions and proper content moderation.
#11. Be a Good Role Model
Children learn from adults in their life about every good and bad thing. Being a parent, you have to set some good examples for your child to follow them. So, the final, and most crucial step is to be sure that you're shaping their behavior and speech by setting up right examples.
If you yourself are a constant user of the 'F' word, you can't expect your child not to use them. Like said above, your child will learn from you, so you have to be very careful with your own habits first to ensure you don't teach your kid the wrong habits.
Moreover, keep a check on your guests if you get a lot of visits. Friends or relatives who frequently use inappropriate language around your children will ruin your child even before you realize it. Ask them to refrain from using bad words around your child during their visits. If they refuse to comply, you may want to limit their contact with your kids.
Your child might be addicted to cursing by the time you find out, but it’s never too late to start and initiate a changer. Being a parent, you need to establish a zero-tolerance policy for swearing or cursing in the home. If your kid swears, don't take it too hard on yourself. Everything can be sorted with a little discussion, if your child is still under control.
All said and done, if you have any suggestion which fellow parents can use to control their child’s swearing habit, it’s better you share it here so everyone can read it. Let us know when was the first time your child used a curse word in front of you, what was your reaction, and what was your immediate response at the moment. We hope you liked the article. Let us know if you have something to share using the comment section.
(Image Courtesy: 1. Pinterest, 2. HUff Post, 2. Prem Jagyasi, 3. Mommy Shorts, 4. Monkey See, 5. How To Adult: Quick & Dirty Tips(Featured Image)
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