The quality of being self-assured, bold and confident in one's choices without being aggressive refers to assertiveness. Being assertive is a quality of a person which helps him or her in achieving one's goals, finding solutions to problems and deal with difficult and arrogant people. The communication done confidently and straightforwardly is the most effective one which can help you to convey your message in the best possible way. Thus, communication is a sure short key of success and the quality of assertiveness makes it even better and more effective.
Whether it's a close friend or your boss, a communication done confidently can actually help to get what you need. Being assertive is very different from being aggressive as it involves a polite tone and constructive attitude to convey the message. This is in stark contrast to aggressive behavior in which a person does not think before speaking, uses an insulting tone, harsh words and does not care about the effect of one's words on the other person. An aggressive behavior often leads to failed relationships and causes a lot of damage on one's own personal character. Such people are not liked by others and more often than not, they disappoint others through their aggressive attitude. Whereas an assertive behavior always helps in a better and clear approach as it involves a polite communication.
It is always important to draw a fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness in order to establish meaningful relationships be it at a workplace or personal life. Even if you are in a position of authority, assertiveness will help you to manage your team better and succeed in your career in a fruitful manner. You might have faced situations in which you were required to take some serious stand, but you could not communicate your message properly as you lost your cool and used those harsh, ugly words. Later on, you realize that there was definitely a way to handle the situation better. You could have adopted a more polite tone and might have conveyed your message in a better way. Some people have very harsh tone and this does not bring any good to their life. They are not liked by people and face dejection wherever they go. It is always important to adapt assertiveness in one's behavior. One can do so by increasing his or her sensitivity towards people and working on their emotional intelligence.
Aggressive behaviors are very common in workplaces where managers often tell their subordinates to do a particular work in a very dominating and harsh manner. This not only brings down the confidence of other people but also affects their morale in a very bad way. Everyone appreciates assertive people. They have the ability to stand for themselves and consider the views of others. One can always trust a person who is assertive but not the one who uses those harsh words and is notorious for his aggression.
An aggressive behavior often gives the impression of a person who is low in confidence and is not confident of one's choices and hence chooses to use his loud baritone to suppress others. An assertive person is quite the opposite. It is always possible to adopt assertiveness in one's behavior by adopting working on yourself.
#1. Watch Your Words And Take A Deep Breath
A person who gets angry frequently needs to understand that one can prevent the aggression within a span of a few minutes and adopt assertiveness in one's approach. One can do so by taking a deep breath and smiling at the time of aggression. This not only helps one to control anger in that particular moment but also stimulates endorphins in one's brain. Endorphins and serotonin are two chemicals produced in the brain that is responsible for uplifting your mood and keeping it stable. Endorphins are released in the brain when you smile as the brain has been trained to recognize these muscle movements as positive.
It is always possible to remove yourself from a stressful situation whether in an office or at home. If you feel that you might get angry in a particular situation, then give yourself the liberty to walk away from it for a few minutes and take a deep breath. By doing this, you will be able to control yourself and adopt an assertive behavior. Once you are done with taking deep breaths, you will experience lesser stress due to lower cortisol levels which breathing brings with itself. This can actually help you in boosting your confidence, and you will be able to put your points more assertively.
#2. Work On Your Emotional Intelligence
If you are one of those people who are angry no matter what, then the chances are that there might be some flaw in your emotional intelligence. You have not garnered and nurtured your emotional intelligence properly. The most important quality of assertive people is that they have a high emotional intelligence. They are highly sympathetic towards the other people and use words by putting themselves in other people's situation. They do not believe in making commands and having unrealistic expectations from other people. A gentle and diplomatic nudge that gives others the liberty to make the first move always garners support and respect. However, only those who have high emotional intelligence have the capability to do so. Otherwise, people keep on getting angry on others which do not take them anywhere.
A good leader is always assertive and not aggressive. One can try and put himself in the other person's situation to have a clear understanding of what he is going through or draw a parallel to the current situation using his own experiences. You can also try and incorporate some humor in your message as it is always helpful in breaking the tension and assertively convey a message.
#3. Use Direct, Assertive Words Or Statements
While talking to someone, it is extremely important to understand that the other person might not feel that he is being accused or questioned. The best way to avoid such situations is to incorporate more direct and assertive statements in your communication. This will help one to pass on the message to the other person without putting any kind of blame on him. Direct and assertive statement involves the understanding of the other person's situation. One can use the statements such as "I feel" or "I believe" instead of questioning the other person right away by saying "how did you," "why didn't you" and more. Such negative statements can actually make the situation worse and nobody would be willing to lend an ear to what you wish to say in future. Declarative statements can be really helpful in painting a clear picture of what needs to be done and what is the approach to tackle a particular situation. Assertive statements help a lot in finding concrete solutions to the problems. Your statements should be factual and to the point. This can help a person communicate with others without being aggressive.
#4. Think Before You Speak
If you feel that you tend to get angry often without listening to what the other person has to put on the plate, then you might be in a dangerous position. The chances are that you often insult people and do not think before speaking to them. This can cause a lot of harm to your moral character and your image in front of others. Acting harshly without thinking reflects an immature behavior. Moreover, a person who is assertive will never use harsh words in order to convey his thoughts. He always adopts a positive plan of action with the use of polite words and thinks many times before conveying his message in order to communicate with others in a better way. They understand the effect their words can have on the other people and hence adopt a strategy that actually helps them to convey their message in a clear tone without making the other person feel bad, which definitely comes from giving a second thought before making statements and passing judgments. In order to be assertive in approach, it is always advisable to think before speaking.
#5. Remember That Your Opinions Matter
Sometimes, people show angry behavior towards others because they are not very confident of their choices and opinions. In order to suppress that feeling of being under-confident, they often prefer yelling at others. This is in complete contrast to the quality of assertiveness which makes a person confident of his opinions. In order to avoid unnecessary aggression and fits of anger, one should understand that it is extremely important to be confident of one's choices and opinions. Only when you are confident of your choices, you can communicate your thoughts in front of others explicitly. If you are confident, then there is less or no room for any kind of aggression. If you express your thoughts and convey your ideas to someone without being confident of your opinions, you are more likely to get angry. Therefore, be confident and assertively express your opinions. This will help you a lot.
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