Having a child is one of the most important decisions in one’s life where one has to take into consideration the entire history of the world, and it’s current picture so as not to freak out over bringing a new life into this world.
A lot of marriages go through troubled times when partners discover that their loved one lacks the ability to reproduce. This can make or break a marriage and destroy all love and affection for a person if the desire to have children is boundless.
A sure way to compound your problem is to ask yourself over and over again the same question "why am I unable to have children?" This won’t give new answers as the truth about your reproduction ability has already been discovered. Sure there are examples of women having children in their 40’s and some in their 50’s after repeated failures and doctors giving up on them, but those instances are rare. The barren state is not too bad if you don’t give in to the stereotype that it’s a must to have children. There are a lot of people throughout history who have spent married life and life in general without kids and went on to lead fulfilling lives.
# 2. Other People Also Have Crosses To Carry
A lot of people focus only on their own pain and are too self-centered to look beyond it. This is a sure way of numbing oneself with pain and enter into a depression. A lot of bad things have happened to people in their life-spans with some people not even coming back from it. No matter how much energy you put into blocking life, you will fail as it is designed to flow through you. The people who embrace the truth about their life are the happiest ones as they have accepted their capacity and role they are meant to play in the world.
# 3. See The Positives
Happiness depends on your attitude and rightly so. The thoughts in your head are the ones that will always do your bidding. Discovering that you are not biologically equipped to have a child can threaten to destroy your positive self-image and make you seek ways to harm yourself. Not having a child can be a blessing in disguise for you as you are free of all responsibilities and don’t have to watch your actions that may drive criticism out of your kid. You can pursue whatever you want without the fear of being judged by our child.
# 4. Travel
Travel is a sure way to destroy the prejudices and bias that settle in your mind if you live long enough in a place. The daily interaction with the people in your neighborhood and night outings with your friends near you can make you adhere to the same set of values as them. Sure there are ones who are too cheerful to stay depressed with, but you cannot connect with them as they have children and you don’t. You need someone who is like you or who understands what it is to be like you. Travelling and seeing other places is a sure way to clear your head and prevent your mind from boxing your thinking.
# 5. Spend Time With Kids Of Your Relatives
This may seem like an opposite response to what you should do but spending time with other kids will help your process the grief that won’t go away on its’ own. The first stage of any grief is denial as we tend to have the outlook that our life should have nothing but happiness and peace of mind. As you move on from this stage of denying yourself the reality of experience, you move on to sadness by confessing that it really did happen. After that guilt of not having a child will kick in and threaten to destroy you from the inside. It is corrosive and biting and makes you underestimate yourself as a human being. After you are done sobbing, you will feel angry at the circumstances which chose you and resent for being in this situation. The final nail in the coffin will be one of fear that reminds you are not ready to convert to the belief that it is to okay to be childless and still feel your life is shattered and you won’t be able to get your confidence ever again. All these emotions will course through you, and you will need to process them as there is no other choice. The best course of action here would be to spend time with other children who will definitely take away your blues and won’t mind if you love them like you would love your own.
# 6. Your Life Still Has A Purpose
A lot of people lose all direction in life when they discover that they cannot bring offsprings in the world. They feel their life has fallen apart because having kids were on their mind and they associated it with new found energy and vigor. When one is unable to have what one wanted all along and does not get it, one has to put their whole life into a new perspective. You are bound to develop such thinking patterns but don’t get disheartened. Life is all a matter of mind over matter, and the things which are not yours to be should not take the freedom to live from you.
# 7. Time Heals All Wounds
The wound of not having a child deepens if you keep thinking about it but if you keep living, your new experiences will overpower these experiences, and you will lose this in a maze that your memory creates. The older we get, the more complex the maze becomes which is not how it should be. You need to take yourself back to the simplicity of affairs and tell yourself that your spirit can continue to soar the same way it did before this traumatic period as living life with a sense of tragedy will not do any justice to your life.
# 8. Don’t Expect Sympathy
A lot of people who cannot have children expect sympathy from the society and think they are entitled to such pity. This is a wrong approach to take as softening up and seeking sympathy from those around you is bound to backfire because people don’t care about anybody else’s feelings a lot as they barely have time to take care of their own. Harden up not on hatred but on life being cruel itself and this will help you bring out your inner strength that will help you overcome the final struggle of your life, and you will be able to spend your life with the determination to find joy in things that give you pleasure.
# 9. Emotional Support
Confide in your partner, talk to them about options available. Surround yourself with pillows and let the feelings out. It’s okay to be human and cry. In this world where people pretend not to fake their beliefs, it is difficult to remain yourself. It’s is a natural human response to be strong one day and weak the next as the fickleness of life affects everyone. Life is crazy, and it presents you with numerous examples of such craziness where you can easily spot what people have and what they don’t have. You can visit a creche to browse options for adoption or adopt a pet which will bring the same care from you. It is advised that you seek emotional support so that you can be whole again when you rejoin the world.
# 10. You Still Have The Gift Of Life
Life helps life and life harm life. This is the vilest maxim of mankind where people are responsible for helping people, and they are similarly responsible for harming people as well. The gift of life was given to you by your parents, and it’s okay if you are unable to pass it on, but if thinking about it depressed you, then you won’t be ruining one life but two. Going about it unhurriedly calmly and sensibly will tell you that the child you would have created would have enjoyed and seen the world just like you are experiencing it. The gift of life will only grow if you treat everyone with kindness as people will try to avoid you if you are sad and angry all the time.
Tell us how you felt when you discovered that someone close to you or you could not bear children. Share with us your difficulties and the courageous steps you took to move on from such shattering experience.
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