The death of a child is the most painful for the parents. A soul that took their first breath in your arms, spoke their first word in your ear and took the first step holding your hand is your only prized possession. No parent can ever imagine losing their child to some accident or disease.
A parent does everything to secure the health and well being of their child and will never compromise on their safety. But who can go against nature? Something is just meant to be.
Coping with a child’s death is the most difficult time for the parents. We hope we are of some help to those unfortunate parents.
#1. Embrace Your Feelings
Losing a child is the biggest loss for a parent and therefore makes it important for the couple to embrace their feelings and emotions. As a parent who lost their child, you may feel excessive anger, guilt, sorrow, fear or even denial, which is natural for a bereaved parent. None of your emotion is wrong or off the table. Just cry if you feel like, permit yourself to feel every emotion. You’ll make yourself feel worse by keeping your feelings inside. It’s natural and even healthy to let yourself feel each and every emotion because this will lead you to the path of accepting it. You are sure to never get over the loss, but it is important t build the strength required to deal with the death of your child.
#2. Numbness Is Natural Too
Many people experience numbness during the grieving process. Everyone has their own way of expressing grief, while some prefer to cry it out; others just experience a state of numbness. In such a state, the world seems like a dream or they believe to be in a state of Trans.
The people or the moments that used to be the reason of your happiness hold no value to you anymore. It is your body’s way to offer protection from the overwhelming emotions and hence can stay with you for a longer period.
With time passing by, feelings and connections will come back to you.
#3. Take Time Off From Work
For some parents, returning back to their work after a big loss is just unbearable, while others prefer to work extra to keep their minds busy. Figure out the bereavement policy that suits you the best and helps you calm your mind and soul. In, fact, some companies offer their employees paid personal days or the opportunity to take unpaid leaves to cope up with the loss.
Psychiatrists suggest that your brain doesn’t work right when your heart is broken.
#4. There Is No Timetable
One cannot schedule their routine during the grieving process. Every individual is different and takes their own time to recover from loses. Loss of a child is a huge deal, and the bereaved parents may experience a plethora of emotions and difficulties. Each parents’ journey is different and varies with their personalities and life circumstances.
For bereaved people, the progress of recovering from grief passes through five stages, beginning with denial and ending in acceptance, but no series of steps can help you get over the grief completely. People experience a hell lot of feelings and emotions that go and come back from time to time.
The grieving process is personal to every individual and couples find themselves at odds because they cannot understand that both the partners have different coping mechanisms and you’ll have to let them grieve the way that suits them.
#5. Turn To Faith
If you cannot find peace in any other method, then you can always turn to faith, your beliefs and rituals to calm yourself. Turn to your faith to recover from your grief. The loss of your child can damage your religious beliefs, which is natural. Try returning back to faith; believe that God is great enough to handle your anger, sorrow, and rage.
#6. Delay Your Decisions
Following a major loss, your mind is not in a perfect state to make major decisions. Do not suddenly change locations, sell your house or make any other major decisions in the heat of the moment. Wait until the fog is lifted and you can see things clearly again.
Do not make impulsive decisions concerning your daily life. Observe your behavior and avoid indulging yourself into potentially harmful activities.
#7. Trust In Time
It is a very old saying that "Time heals all wounds" is helpful at times like these. Initially, the memories of your child will hurt you to the core, even the good ones. But with time, you’ll start cherishing those moments.
Just be sure that you need time to get over the grief, to smile, laugh and enjoy again. Forgetting your child is impossible, but you can always trust in time, it is the best healer.
Moments like these will surely take a toll on your physical and mental health. It is common to feel guilty and depressed. Take care of yourself.
#1. Be Very Gentle
The grieving process is a difficult time, and you need to be very gentle with yourself. You might be thinking that it was your carelessness that made you lose your child, no, it wasn’t. Do not blame yourself for what’s happened. No one can go against the forces in life, what is meant to happen will happen. Beating yourself for something that you had no control over will only extend your healing process. Be good to yourself, take good care of you. You need to be strong enough to support your partner and the rest of the family.
#2. Don’t Compromise With Your Sleep
Child death is more nerve-wrenching than a nightmare, and hence most parents do not find any sleep after losing their child. Death of a child takes a toll on the body and therefore requires you to take adequate sleep to keep yourself healthy and strong. Give in to the urge to sleep if you have to or try to establish a bedtime routine. Take a warm bath, sip some green tea or meditate if it helps you get some sleep.
#3. Eat Properly
Losing a child might numb your body for some time, and you do not feel the urge to sleep, eat or even drink water. Try to get yourself together and eat a little to sustain the day. Fatigue or weakness will only make things worse for you. It is difficult to deal with so many negative thoughts and loads of emotions when you are physically weak. Ask someone to cook for you, or grab a healthy meal and feed yourself to a good sleep.
#4. Stay Hydrated
Whether or not you're finding it difficult to eat, make sure to gulp down at least eight glasses of water. Keep sipping on some soothing tea or stick to plain water. Dehydration will take a toll on your health, making things much more difficult for you.
#5. Stay Away From Alcohol Or Drugs
It is understandable that some parents find it easy to blot out their child’s memory through drenching themselves in alcohol or exhaling it out in smoke. Consuming excessive alcohol or trusting some drugs will only give birth to a new set of problems for you.
#6. Do Not Consume Any Medication Without Prescriptions
Parents, who find it difficult to sleep or cope up with the pain, rely on anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication. There are plenty of such medications available, but you should never consume any of it without a proper prescription. Work with your doctor to figure out what works best for your health and mental state.
Losing a child leaves you with their memories. Instead of crying over them, start cherishing the moments that you have spent with them. Acceptance is the biggest virtue, embrace the change.
#1. Host A Memorial
If it’s been a few weeks or months since your loss and you feel strong enough, then host an intimate memoir, inviting close friends and family to honor your sweet child. Make this event about sharing the good memories. Invite people to share stories and instances of your lost son or daughter.
#2. Create A Scrapbook
It might be a good idea to save your child’s memory. Gather their cute pictures, artworks or any letters they wrote to you and organize them in a scrapbook. This scrapbook will be something that you can look at when you miss your child.
If you are not able to express your grief to your family, go out and ask an outsider to help you out. You can spend time with a friend or take professional help.
#1. Talk To A Therapist
If nothing works for you, then talk it out with a therapist. A therapist, who specializes in grief counseling, will surely be of some help to you. You are going through an emotional phase in life, and it is highly important to talk or cry it out. A counselor will help you realize your state of mind and will also provide you with feasible solutions to cope with your child’s death.
#2. Join A Bereavement Group
Meeting and interacting with people who have suffered a similar loss might give you the strength and willingness to cope up with your loss. Bereavement support groups for parents are available in many communities and helps in reducing the feeling of isolation and anxiety.
Do you think cherishing the good memories of your lost child can help you cope up with the loss? Let us know in the comment section below.
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I can understand what one goes through when they lose out on a dear one, especially a child. I lost my elder brother to a car accident three years back when we were coming back from a holiday. It was a family vacation and I, my brother, and our parents were all riding in our car when a truck hit us in the front. The driver was apparently drunk and lost his control and crashed into our car. My brother who was on the driver’s seat was severely hurt and died before reaching the hospital. Rest of us got some injuries and was rushed to the hospital. The physical wounds healed with time, but the loss of my brother can never be recovered. A vacation which was meant to bring our family closer in reality isolated each one of us in our own ways. My parents, especially my dad is still in shock and keeps himself away from any social events and looks at our old photo albums whenever he feels low. My mother too is deeply grieved and cannot hold back her tears whenever an old memory flashes in her brain. Both my parents who were super active in organizing and attending our family get-togethers or house parties have completely surrendered themselves to charity and volunteer work. At the event of my brother’s death anniversary every year, they contribute their financial support to the orphanage.
As hard as they try to I know that my parents will never be able to get over the pain that have been caused due to the loss of their elder child. Being the first child he was obviously loved dearly and his absence can never be filled or replaced. I try my best to bring them little joys in life but one cannot fill the void of losing a child.
We have been trying to cope with the loss for all this while but have still not been able to come to terms with the reality. Life has been tough without my brother who, was loving, caring, responsible and most importantly was responsible for keeping our family together. His jolly nature kept us laughing all day and his guidance helped me get through my tough times. I miss him deeply and just wish that he keeps happy.
As someone who is still dealing with the loss of a dear one, all I can say is that time is surely the best healer. It is impossible to erase the memories that you have built in so many years, all you can do is to cherish them. Do things that make you happy because at the end of the day your happiness is what mattered to them.