How to Deal with Financial Infidelity?

1,944 Views Updated: 18 Oct 2017
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"Lies and secrets in a relationship are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind." - Casandra Clare

Financial status is one thing in the modern world that is more private than one's actual privates! And let us be honest, this thing itself is what leads to financial infidelity. In no way, it involves sneaking into disreputable hotel rooms or sending steamy nudes. But it involves a series of secrets pertaining to finances that can devastate the relationship in the longer run. Yes, it is any kind of money related conduct that gives rise to being less truthful by one partner to the other.

But, what are the actual reasons behind financial infidelity? And are there any crucial steps to deal with financial infidelity? Your answer is yes, there are several ways, and this is how you can deal with financial infidelity!

What Is Financial Infidelity?

When the love and money conflict arises, the harmonious balance is thrown out of the window. Both the things when existing without any complexities in the relationship contribute towards a happier you. However, when the transparency starts getting compromised is when infidelity starts to seep in. Trust issues relating to financial matters question one's relationship. According to a survey, almost around 27% men and 31% women admit lying about their financial situations in the relationship. This is almost taking the shape of an epidemic and trust is what gets hampered at first. Although there are things, one can do to prevent such a grave problem from screwing up things to an unmanageable level.

But first, you will have to understand the reasons behind such an act becoming a common scenario in today's times and why do partners have to lie about their financial stability or condition in general.

#1. Fear

Fear is one thing that gives rise to lying in relationships. For instance, in a marriage, your wife might come to know that you purchased several pairs of shoes and assume it to be unacceptable or as an irresponsible behavior from your side. So, ultimately you fear the repercussions and prefer not to let out the things so as to avoid dealing with such inadequacies.

#2. Addiction

Another situation may be where you might be trying to cover any particular addiction by lying in the relationship. You could just be a shopaholic or maybe an alcoholic, what may ever be the situation, your addiction may lead you to lie and cover the facts.

#3. Confrontation

Another common reason for lying is just to avoid any sorts of confrontations with your partner. Just imagine the situation where you buy a brand new 55-inch LED television and on the other side your husband is struggling to save money so you can buy a new car to ease your travel hustle - he would not be pleased with you, right? So now, to avoid any disagreement conflict, you lie and tell him that the TV is on a sale price whereas you might have spent a fortune on the same. You knew such an unplanned purchase wasn't required but you lie to avoid confrontation and gradually, it becomes a bad habit!

How To Identify The Signs Of Financial Infidelity?

Managing the finances as partners is the most critical part in a relationship. It is as damaging as sexual infidelity. The results may start showing up much early in the relationship and it becomes really late when one realizes that there is a totally different side that they are not aware of. Finances are the lifeblood of each and everything you might want to do. So, here are the common signs that you can look out for to figure out that financial infidelity is right on the corner:

One sign to look out for is the change occurring in one's expenditure pattern. It can be due to excessive shopping, purchase of expensive antiques, paintings or anything related. Another sign can be the opening of several investment accounts. The sudden and unfamiliar transfers between those accounts can raise red flags. If your partner asks you to sign any document without allowing you to review, it is another thing that can actually be leading to financial infidelity. Your signatures are extremely important and you are the one responsible about where they go.

Fraudulent practices are easy to occur and you can get into troubles. And in case, you are dealing with divorce compensations, there may arise sudden changes in the same. There can also be a sudden change of mood which isn't easier to detect. The entire financial condition may be on the verge of a massive destruction and this moodiness might never come to the forefront until and unless you do not over analyze and find out the truth.

How To Deal With Financial Infidelity?

Financial infidelity shouldn't be taken so lightly. One should take the necessary actions as and when they come to know about such a problems arising in the relationship. The longer your situation continues, the worse your relationship and financial stability gets! Because of this, the circumstances might get harder to handle. But here are a few crucial steps to deal with financial infidelity:

#1. Communicate

The first and foremost step is to clear out all your misunderstandings related to finances in the relationship. Talk to the person who has been hiding these facts from you. Try to bring out the credible facts, so there can truly be a way to repair the damage. Also try and get out each and every piece of financial information that may be required while sorting out the issue. Be very open about the finances and also expect the same from the other side. It is not easy, but you have to reveal certain things like how much do you make and save, what are the annual bonuses, how much goes into the rent/ mortgage and what are the regular spending patterns etc.

#2. Commit To Work Together

Whenever there are any such inadequacies in the relationship, both the partners will need their own sweet time to adjust to the situation. You would not be able to fix things overnight, so be eager to dive into the dirty pool and determine where the difficulty is along with its resolution. And if you cannot come to a solution, try to consult an expert counselor and address them your problem. But, what may ever be the situation, there needs to be a willingness to bring about a change.

#3. Put Together A Fresh Budget

You as a couple need to cover up each other's mistakes and find solutions like a team. So, the two of you should be responsible enough to plan and start clearing up your debts, if any! Make sure you have a debt plan and a tight budget to actually pay off those loans. Make way to bring in extra money to be able to work on your finances effectively. Go for regular meetings and make sure that you dwell on your past blunders. You must keep reviewing that which category in your budget has passed the spending limit and which ones are under your control.

#4. Work On Improving Your Behavior

Both of you are different human beings, hence you will be dealing with the situation in your own different ways. The emotional stability too will vary according to your personality. But, if you are the one causing all the troubles, it is time to change. At times, the entire (negative) situation gets a full stop just because you were ready to change your attitude and you really made it happen. This is why you will have to work towards establishing your trust in the relationship or give yourself a little time away, so you can let the circumstances cool or you can just get ready to end the relationship if changing the behavior isn't on your cards.

#5. Take Your Decision

Just like any other, financial habits are tough to break. So, this is where you may need to decide whether you may want to stay and adjust to those habits or you simply choose to quit. Is it up to you to accept living with the secrets of your partner or instantly start getting out of the relationship. Some secrets can relatively be harmless while the others may keep the potential to jeopardize your living. Therefore, you will have to know the limits of this game and accordingly take actions to lead a stress-free life.

#6. Start Maintaining Transparency

Trust issues, as well as financial infidelities, happen when there is a lack of transparency between the couple. But in the case where both of you are aware of each other's spending patterns, the problem can easily be prevented from becoming a large snowball that buries you underneath. The traditional gender-based roles and responsibilities hinder your previously maintained harmony and give rise to tedious problems. Men are mostly the ones who keep financial secrets until the woman might need them upon having divorce or death of the spouse. Therefore, make sure the two of you are transparent with your decisions so that there is much freedom and absolutely no cheating in monetary terms.

#7. Mitigate

It is very obvious for humans to react with anger when they feel betrayed in their relationships, especially when it comes to finances. But, if you really want to make your relationship work without any troubles, adopt the approach of patience along with understanding. And it is very real that your trust has been broken, so you might want to make an accusation. But will that really solve the problem? Rather than causing scars, stay calm and give it time to heal.

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