How to Deal with Trust Issues after Having gone through a Divorce?

1,927 Views Updated: 03 Apr 2018
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How to Deal with Trust Issues after Having gone through a Divorce?

After going through the tumultuous period of divorce, it is natural for you to not go dating again right after the divorce because you feel detached. That commonly happens with a person as they begin to feel that they cannot trust anyone again so soon. You have been hurt, and your heart is not in a position where you can start having feelings for somebody. Instead, you want to do the exact opposite of dating someone. You just want to stay alone so that you can protect your tender heart from being broken all over again.

Everyone faces the difficulty of trusting someone new after divorce. But it is the hardest for those who broke up because their ex had been cheating on them ever since. But, whatever the situation had been, you should start your life afresh now. To make it a little easy on you, we have made a list of things you should be doing to get back on the road to happy new life.

How To Overcome The Pain Of Divorce?

#1. Update Your Lifestyle

You need to do a lot of changes to get that good feeling of riddance. Change your email address, the name of your ID cards etc. so that you get the feeling of past going away from you. It will make you feel a lot better. Also, update your wardrobe with new clothes because who knows you might be dating new people again.

#2. Make A To-Do List

Pen down all the things that you wanted to do but couldn't do in married life. Well, now you have all the time and opportunity. So, pen down all the places you want to go, movies you want to catch, or hobbies you want to pursue. Then keep checking the list so you know how far you have come.

#3. Start Working Out

Start with a brisk morning walk of 5 minutes daily and you can keep increasing the time accordingly. Walking reduces stress and lifts up your mood. Not only that, it will keep your body toned too. You can join fitness club where you get to meet more people. This will help you curb your worries of losing trust on people. You will know that there are good people out there too.

#4. Meet Friends

Start talking to your friends again and go out with them. This way you will not feel the emptiness of having someone around. Also, you will have people who you can open up to when feeling really low. Meeting friends and having a good time will make you realize that you can trust people. Not everybody is going to leave you hanging in the air. 

Things to Know When Dating Again

#1. Trust Issues In A Relationship

It takes a lifetime to develop trust but only takes a moment to destroy it. After the divorce, even the idea of dating will bring a chill to your head. The short-term effect is never trusting anyone right after your break up. It is easy to join clubs where you meet other people and start dating again. But the same question comes to your head every time "what if this person is full of lies too"? The major reason if you are still thinking about this is you have not completely moved on from your previous relationship. Accept your feelings and forgive yourself and your ex for what happened so that you can move ahead in life.

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#2. Scared Of Relationship After Divorce

It’s not that one becomes scared of falling in love, but it becomes hard for one to judge the true emotions of a person again. One's ability to feel emotions kind of vanishes most of the time when they get divorced. The fear that lingers in the minds of the people who have divorced traps them into thinking they might fall for someone and face similar consequences, which would be unbearable and reap terrible results. Most of the people after their divorce give up on love, feelings, and emotions. But living alone makes them feel even more depressed and unstable. We promise you it is going to be less painful if you share it with the right person. So, don't close yourself in a shell and come out to see the sunshine.

#3. Take It Slow

You don't have to rush into things after your divorce, If you do not feel like being with another person for someone, that is completely fine as well. You first have to gain control over your broken emotions. Convince yourself that what happened in the past should not affect you now or in near future. You must first learn to feel independent and be content with yourself. That will avoid the confusions you are having in your head. Once you are happy being single, it will not be much difficult for you to start seeing another person.

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#4. Be Clear About What You Want

Once you are going out with someone after your divorce, you tend to have certain limits. You should share them with the other person so you are on the same page. This way you will not feel cheated when things turn out to be confusing later. Be clear about what you want. Do you actually want a person to be with you or do you just need moral support after your divorce? Only go for dating if you are ready and want to, not because you just need a shoulder to cry on.

#5. Do Not Have Very Big Expectations

The key to having a good and simple life after divorce is not having great expectation from someone. You need support and love and it is okay to lean on someone for that but do not become a burden altogether. Do not throw all the expectation on a person who has just start dating after divorce and think that they will be a replacement of your ex-husband already. You are a big bag of mixed emotions after the divorce and the person who is dating you also needs some air. So be the person that you would usually be before your marriage took place. Consider this a fresh start, forgetting about your past completely.

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How To Have A Healthy Relationship Again?

#1. Do Not Talk About Your Ex

When you start dating someone new, the last thing you want to do is scaring them with your emotions you have with your ex-husband. We know it feels good to let out feelings that you have kept in your heart for so long. But that is not a wise move on the very first date. You cannot expect a stranger to feel compassion about your divorce when you are sitting there with a sobbing face and telling stories on how things were so good in the past. Instead, talk about your hobbies and interests so that they get to know what kind of person you are. This way, they will want to spend more time with you in the future as well. It's not like you can never share the feelings of divorce with anyone. But just give it some time first and when there is a good day to talk, you can share your feelings with them. You have to be courageous enough to not let your past ruin your future

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#2. Decide How Far You Want To Go

If you are in a relationship again after your divorce, that is a really good step you have taken. This probably means that you have moved on from your past and are ready to take on new things in life again. As you have just came out of a marriage due to divorce, you might not be looking to getting hitched so soon again. But this thought in your head should be shared with your lover as well. You should have a conversation where you tell each other what you expect from this relationship. This won't cause any misunderstandings in the future and make sure that you are happy together for a long time.

So getting a divorce is not going to be so bad on you if you don't let it. Live your life like a free bird again and you will feel the winds of happiness in the sky. Don't let yourself down just because someone you married and trusted turned out a completely different person than you thought. It is not your fault you know. So, relax and know that what happened has happened for good and start your life again.

Let us know in the comments if you have any other suggestion that a person can keep in mind while going through a divorce. Also, let us know if you liked our article. we would love to hear from you. 

(Image Courtesy: 1. Huffington Post,2. Love Panky, 3. VKool, 4. Odyssey, 5. BK; Toronto(Featured Image Courtesy)

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