"It is only by spotting your shadow that you see the direction of light." - Anonymous
It is very correctly said that one should just be themselves as everyone else is taken. Each of our thoughts and feelings go hand-in-hand, so we don't always have to be successful in looking our best. We might not be the super lucky person on this planet or for that matter at work or in the family. But we also are not messed up from the inside, we are satisfied with what we have achieved, and we are real with the worldly affairs. That is actually the power of accepting our dark sides.
But if you are shiny and happy on the outside and totally injured and hurt on the inside, in fact, you are also running away from facing those emotions, then you might really need to read this article and understand that it is totally OK to feel bad about yourself. But it is equally important to recover the damage and build a castle with those stones.
We all understand that light is what forms our existence. The names or concepts might be different, but the shine within us is what makes us thrive throughout the life. However, there also breathes a dark side inside of us that does not relate to our opposite choices. It is that side of our personality that we tend to hide, often reject and even forget about. It is a pile of emotions, circumstances along with phobias that we try to hate the most. It can be anything from extreme shyness to sexual compulsion or simply the fear of failure. The dark side can also pertain to your addictions or to your aggressive ways of dealing with your loved ones.
You must have noticed that something gets triggered when a person makes you go crazy. This happens when he/ she has actually hit the delicate part of your dark side. The other person just exposes your scars to the reality where it brings out the fears present in you which you don't want to deal with. The fears are not just situational, but they can also be related to your concepts of beauty or ugliness. Your depression is one thing, but disfigurement is totally another. For instance, when you see a beggar on the street in an unfortunate situation, you get chills about your own financial situation. The fear of scarcity gets revealed. Whereas, upon being bald or fat, you somehow feel guilty and assume that you might not be socially accepted and this is entirely something different.
Acceptance of your dark side is really important for you to be able to lead a happy and satisfied life. You are not supposed to fight against it and kill the anxiety that keeps you away from victory. You don't really have to destroy the enemy within you, but accept the way it is and then bring about a change. You do not want to split apart your personality or face any kind of disorders, but you may want to build a shiny star from the dust that remains.
Accept that there definitely is a dark side to your personality and that it is a part of who you are. You don't have to waste your energy fighting against it. Just by accepting this side of yours, you are one step closer to your true self. And this step itself is the biggest one to take you closer to your integrity. There arises a sense of wholeness. You are separating yourself from the state that constantly keeps you tired mentally. It fragments you, and we as humans are not supposed to act in that manner. We are unique, and we have to act keeping in mind all the goods as well as the bad.
Accepting the dark side is also important as it establishes for you a starting point. That way, you are not just accepting your qualities, but you also know that you are not really a decent person and you are the one who fears social contact (for example). You accept that yes, this is me, this is where I start, and this is where I end. You establish your real territory, and you know that it is okay to have a dark side as well.
Accepting your dark side also makes you more mindful and self-aware. You become capable enough to tolerate a range of uncomfortable feelings. You tend to improve your relationships with other people as you are able to clean up your side of the street. And when you choose to navigate through the murky terrains of your inside, you strengthen your willpower along with enhancing your growth.
It is not that easy to accept your flaws and your dark side. But you cannot even do without it. You may not be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say that it is absolutely fine if you have that side. But you can also not look in the mirror and say that you are perfect. It takes courage and several attempts to be true to you. So, this is how you can go about!
#1. Identify Your Reactions
You can start by identifying your reactions to the things you do not like. For instance, you watch a film and suddenly feel depressed watching the main character got dumped by the love of his life. So, the main context here can be identified as the fear of abandonment. This is where your emotional stability go crazy as it hits the spot that you wanted to hide forever. Observation is difficult as emotions need some self-control and discipline to be understood. What you have to do here is to give each and every situation a name, so each of the emotions can be categorized under those names. This way, sooner or later you will realize that there actually are very limited things that hurt you. Name and observe those emotions, get rid of the word “dark” and use the word “accept.” So, if one of the fears for you is "dark side - shopping compulsion," make it "accept - shopping compulsion". Get in terms with what you have on the inside, so it doesn't start killing you otherwise.
#2. Share With Someone
No, you should not feel uncomfortable at all. Try sharing with your best friend or a close family member about your dark sides. This way you are going to allow sunshine in the areas which were otherwise left untouched and barren.
#3. Be Gentle With Yourself
You only get one life, make the most of it. Be gentle with yourself and make sure to deal with the dark side with utmost love and care. Don't point any fingers towards your own personality. Do not be too harsh on yourself. Rather, love those difficulties and embrace this side to relieve your tensions without being affected mentally or physically. Sometimes, this side of yours is necessary to be experienced just to let you know what it means. It doesn't have to be that bad!
#4. Resort To The Humorous Way
Humor is the solution to a majority of your life problems. Get rid of those with laughter and feel that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Embrace it like the way you should. This way, you are also going to connect better and in a more intimate manner. Learn to laugh at yourself. Life is short and you may not want to spend time exerting energy on things that are beyond your control. So, do not empower the negative when you got the choice to laugh at the situations and be a better person all-in-all.
#5. Face It
Whenever you feel yourself going down inside the way of darkness, allow yourself to face those fears. Pause and just feel the pain rather than running away like you usually do. Immerse yourself in the pain and let it fully out, so you don't have to resort to the dark side.
#6. Determine Goodness In The Dark
Once you are aware that you have a dark side, make sure that you also know about the times that the emotions you disliked have actually helped you in some or the other way. When you have a list of at least five to ten such instances, take some time to reflect on them. Analyze those situations and try to see the light in those moments. Try to find out what actually triggered the light and the dark side along with how it really happened. Even if you could not find any such moment, why not start now. Why not avoid reacting and simply respond through positivity?
#7. Know That Humans Are Messy
Humbly admit that we are humans and we are made to make mistakes. We don't know everything and this is what makes us love all the sides of our personality. Be authentic and understand that each one of us is pretty messy in our own ways. And that is our strength as well. The goods, the bad and also the ugly contribute towards making us unique and also help us understand our choices.
Liked what you just read? Want to read more such informational and interesting stuff? Or would you like to share any of your personal experiences/ opinions? Let us know through the comment section below. We would love to hear from you!
(Image Courtesy: 1. Simbdg, 2. A Conscious Rethink, 3. BBCI, 4. Rackcdn, 5. GG Guide; Straightwoo (Featured Image)
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