How to overcome the Fear of Intimacy?

Loving someone is the best and yet the most exhilarating and terrifying experiences we all have experienced at some point in our lives. That is so because truly loving someone implies letting them know about your hopes, aspirations, dreams, deepest longings and most importantly your fears. By opening up in front of our partners we not only risk being hurt but we also risk being dependent on them, only to have them disappeared especially at times when we need them the most.

But aren’t most of us scared of intimacy? None of us will find abiding love until we fear intimacy. Studies suggest that intimacy-dodgers have a fear of rejection i.e. the fear of being rejected or abandoned by their loved ones. They also nurture a fear of engulfment i.e. the fear of being controlled or dominated by their partner. So, can we overcome the fear of intimacy? Do you know how to overcome the fear of intimacy? Let us help you.

Fear Of Intimacy

The fear of intimacy can be embedded in a range of emotions. You may have had your trust debased in the past, or are nervous about physical intimacy. A fear of intimacy can force a lodge between you and your partner, making it impossible for you two to get closer or past a certain level of trust in your relationship.

While getting devastated by your fear of intimacy is in your own hands, we can recommend a few exercises or practices that can help you overcome your fear of intimacy and help you get closer to your partner, be it on an emotional or physical level.

How To Overcome Fear Of Intimacy

#1. Write It Out

There are times when we find it hard to vocalize our fears. We feel absolutely silly and difficult to express ourselves when involved in a face-to-face conversation with someone. At times like these, you can always write it down. Yes, it may sound equally silly, but writing a letter can help you feel under control as the medium of your expression is editable.

For starters, write a letter to yourself talking about your fears and the places they stem from and how do you plan to overcome those fears of intimacy. You can always write a letter to your partner talking about the same in addition to telling them that you wish to get closer to them but your fears of intimacy have been working as a huge obstacle. Maybe your expression will make your partner help you get through your past.

Also, letting your partner know about your fears will let them have an insight into your life and will ultimately bring you two closer. It will also open a gateway to mature and intimate conversations about your fears.

#2. Don’t Let The Cat Kill The Curiosity 

The best way to accrue intimacy in your relationship is by getting to know your partner better. A relationship is not always about physical intimacy, it’s also about the emotional intimacy that you two share.

To develop the same, you can arrange for a special date or plan an activity with your partner that helps you two to find more about each other. Ask a lot of questions and answer truthfully whenever asked a question. Sharing experiences together will definitely help the two of you feel closer and more open to intimacy.

#3. Just Relax

Overcoming the fear of intimacy can be stressful and therefore you need to relax and calm yourself. Practicing yoga, meditation or morning prayers can help you keep calm, and we all know that a calm mind and soul has a greater potential to extend intimacy. Try meditating in a place that is quiet, peaceful and lacks distraction. Use this time to think about what all you want in your relationship and acknowledge that you are in a safe and happy place. If you still have doubts, then talk to your partner about it and try to figure out the roots of your fear of intimacy.

If you believe that you have a fear of physical intimacy, then trust us you are not the only one. There are countless others around the world who too experience displeasure, discomfort, and awkwardness at the very thought of getting physically intimate.

Not overcoming the fear of intimacy can often translate into problems in marriages because it affects both you and your partner. The fear of physical intimacy may rise out of some traumatic past experiences that have been extremely painful and uncomfortable. It has made you resistant when it comes to indulging in any physical acts. Some professional consultation will be able to provide you some support and help.

How To Overcome The Fear Of Physical Intimacy

There are other times when you are just embarrassed to kiss, cuddle or hug in public spots. It can be so because you are not physically attracted to your partner or maybe you demand more physical space than your partner is willing to give.

There are some tips and tricks that you can follow to overcome your fear of intimacy. These may not work the best in extreme cases but may be able to reduce the impact somehow.  

#1. Make The Small Moves

We all know that the little things in life leave the largest impact on us, and so does your little gestures. If you have been facing the fear of physical intimacy than instead of hugging or kissing your partner in public, just hold their hand or clutch your arm in his while you walk through the blocks to your home.

Catch up on a movie date in your house, on your comfortable couch, and cuddle it out. Sit close to them, or clutch your fingers into hers, wrap her up in your arms or hug him tightly while you both lay down on the couch.

If you are not up for a long, dramatic kiss then give him some sweet little peck on his cheeks or lips. It’ll make them aware of your affection.  

#2. Keep No Secrets

If your partner is unaware of your reasons for resisting physical intimacy, then how would they be able to help you? There is no way they’ll be able to improve the situations until they know what the problem is. Share your reasons for your fear of physical intimacy and let them help you.

Make sure that all your conversations are clear and intimate, so to not leave any chances of confusions and misconceptions. Also, it will determine your partner’s future expectations from you and your relationship.

#3. Be Playful

Yes, being funny will cause no harm. One of the reasons for you fearing physical intimacy may be the loss of physical attraction. Just remember the flirting and teasing that you two used to share which brought you closer. The very idea of engaging in physical intimacy should not be intimidating and if it so, then try to make friendly conversations about the same with your partner.

Physical intimacy should not be limited to expressing your affection but also to have a good time with your partner. Teasing your partner is a sure-fire way to sooth and lighten the mood and atmosphere. You can tickle, cuddle or shower your partner with a little kiss here and there.

Just make sure that the teasing is done in good humor and does not end up in frustrating or annoying your partner. If you are sorted that way, then such tricks can surely help you in infusing any act of physical intimacy in a playful passion.

#4. Make Room For Romance

Romance is the building block of any relationship. You need to rekindle the fire of romance and love in your relationship if you wish to overcome your fear of physical intimacy.

Arrange for a romantic date or cook him a special dinner to make him feel special. Surprise her with her favorite flowers or just look through your old photo albums. Discussing your romantic moments from the past will ensure the return of passion and love in your relationship.

#5. Indulge In Fantasies

Sounds funny especially when you are trying to overcome your fear of physical intimacy right? Trust us. It isn’t. There are times in a long-term relationship or a marriage when you start losing interest in making love to your partner. One great thing that you can do is put your creative instincts to practice. Talk to your partner about each other’s sexual fantasies and try them out. New experiences will bring back the excitement and will revive the lost interest.

#6. Do Not Be Pushy

We understand that you are trying to overcome your fear of intimacy, but you need to be aware of your limits. Bringing new things into the bedroom is always good, but make sure your partner is up for it too.

There could be times when your partner isn’t up for any experiments and would like to stick to basics. You need to respect their preferences and should stay away from being too pushy about it. It is so because at the end of the day you want to experiment to let go of your inhibitions, but what’s the use if your partner isn’t happy about it?

So stay away from pushing them into things they aren’t really up to.

Have you ever faced the fear of intimacy? How did you overcome them? Let us know in the comment section below.

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