"Gossips are as dumb as the people who initiate those and as fake as the people who help spread those."- Unknown
To some extent, it is human nature to talk about our mutual acquaintances. And therefore getting caught up in gossips is also pretty usual. There is you, a friend and some juicy conversation about someone the two of you know of. All kinds of familiar rumors get spilled and there starts the nasty chitchat. It is even more devastating when those unnecessary comments and whispers come from your side.
The temptation is strong, I understand. But, you can at times seize control over the potentially hurtful comments thrown at others. Understand that gossiping is negative energy that is let out in a physical form. And, this is how you can stop gossiping!
Every "near the printer, coffee machine or water cooler talk" determines the place where we fit in a grand mosaic of the mankind. Somewhere near the next cabin at work, through emails or on your smartphone, a gossip group is operating. It keeps happening every now and then, and it starts to pervade each of your everyday conversation. Yes, your conversations. as even you are a participant in this activity. Even worse, maybe you are the initiator. But, have you ever thought that there could be something else, something productive that you could do instead of gossiping every time?
You might be satisfied, but gossiping is sort of a negative interaction that needs to stop right away. We are no one to judge others by our own assumptions or overheard things. You agree that there is some level of harm yet that inclination is always on a high. Why? Let me tell you; there are several reasons for gossipers to initiate such messages.
First, gossip creates a sense of self-importance that gets higher when a person exclusively has some information that others do not. Such a situation elevates their status. Second, if the information is enthralling, gossip becomes even more rewarding to receive friendly responses. Third, saying something negative about others make people more content about their own selves. It's a classic example of diminishing your pain by paying attention to someone else. Fourth, the most important, when someone gossips, it is just another form of creating (superficial) social bonds. Often the underlying message here is "you (the one listening) are more important than the one I (gossip initiator) am babbling about." The act of gossiping keeps certain people connected in the loop whereas a few others get out of the loop. Plus friendships with people who gossip also turn out to be on an ugly side of the story.
However, on the other side, no gossip zone gets the circumstances beyond a nightmare. The conflicts run into open and free communication/ confrontations. So, it is a fact of life that where there is a group, there will definitely be tons of gossip. However, even though you cannot resist the urge to gossip, you can definitely avoid it to a certain degree. And remember that even if you are the gossip initiator, each of your words can be used against you.
'If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind” – Buddha
If the situation isn’t like the one mentioned in the above-mentioned quote, know that it is a gossip. And if you keep indulging in one as a gossip initiator, here is how you can stop gossiping.
#1. Ask Yourself Three Life-Changing Questions
- Is there a need to say it out?
- Is there a need for me to initiate the same?
- Does it have to be said right away?
It is only when you have the answers to these questions that you will probably have the chance of becoming more mindful. Be unbiased about your answers and let them go in the right direction. Do not filter out responses according to preferences. Listen to your gut feeling, it never lies. Even if your intuitions say no, go with that. When you get to know about some information that you feel others too should know, start by first asking yourself if that is really necessary to get the information on a pedestal for everyone to witness? Maybe, no! Ask yourself if you are the right person to spill the details? Maybe, no! Ask yourself if the information really needs to be out at this particular time? No again. Then, why would you want to be a deliverer of the information that you just received? I always advise to people that you too can one day become a victim of this gossip trap. So, why indulge in such a nasty habit?
#2. Remember That You Prevent Yourself From Developing Healthy Relationships
Try to notice the kind of relationships you make when you are in a bad habit of gossiping. You tend to not connect with them healthily. And this is the time when you should start re-evaluating all your relationships. When you are the one who focuses more on not stopping the rumor, you become the one least preferred by the wise minds. Healthy relationships are an outcome of mutual trust and respect. Gossips harm the belief system that needs to be strengthened by love and thoughtful conversations.
#3. Restrict Your Gossip Buddies
If you just cannot resist the urge, limit your gossip buddies to just one or two. When you have a designated gossip buddy, things become easier to handle. Situations can go out of control in no time if there are gossip groups and you are the one handling them. So, choose a person who you know can best keep secrets as secrets. This person can be your best friend, sibling, any unrelated internet buddy, your spouse or any significant other. This way, you can effectively practice the art of self-control and even have a person who will be supportive in every situation knowing who you really are.
#4. Experience Disengagement
When you are the one who always keeps initiating all sorts of gossips, try to disengage yourself from the scenario for a while. Let it be like a one day or one week gossip fast. Believe me, you will feel much more at ease and in place. It can initially be difficult to disconnect from the people around you. You may find them becoming distant. You may feel alone. But that's the beauty of life. And that is exactly the situation you need to analyze.
Just imagine if someone is your best friend, no matter how far you may seem, at the end, your hearts connect. But, when people appear far just for the sake of your lowering indulgence in gossip, are they even worthy of being called as your friends? No! For a person who is in the habit of gossiping about others, this kind of a realization is really significant as it lets you know your actual place in other people's eyes. Experience the bliss of being on your own for some time. Know how it feels when you do not gossip. There is no competition, and there's no big deal. You have other priorities to focus on which will finally decide how your life is going to be! Simple!
#5. Observe The Aftermath
Be very observant of what really happens when you have done gossiping. Often when we are not aware of the consequences, we keep continuing with certain actions and behaviors. And this has nothing to deal with what happens with other people, but with you, yourself. Each and every person who gossips (no matter how confident they seem) feel a little bit anxious right after the things they have said. They feel worried that they might regret things at a later stage. And I am sure if you too gossip a lot, such feelings are common for you to experience. You just might not have noticed them yet. Once you do, you will know that tightening of the stomach the other day wasn't because of the junk you ate but this. Just observe the tensions you face next time before you get yourself engaged in the gossip fest. Because your health is wealth and you shouldn't play with it.
#6. No Judgments Please
Even when some other person is trying to confide in you that juicy bit of information, do not rush to any kind of judgments. You don't have to do that. Each one of us is on a different journey that is unknown to the other. All of us are evolving at our own pace. So, just back off and let them live their life. Some people will also advise you to verify the source before believing in a gossip. But, why do you even have to do that? Look out for proofs only when it concerns you. And also remember that only because a lot of people are talking about the same thing does not make it eligible for being true. Question the talks when they reach to you. Apply discretion and act accordingly.
#7. Find Solutions To The Problem, Do Not Gossip About It!
When you encounter difficult situations with someone, you do not have to start gossiping about them with others. And if you already are doing so, stop gossiping. And start finding a solution to the actual problem. If someone is challenging your world in a way that is absolutely negative for you and your peace, remove them from your space. Spreading unnecessary information will in no way help you deal with the circumstances. The more proactively you respond to the never-ending drama in life, the more dramatic your life becomes. You lose your peace. So, let the gossip roll away. And either just leave the situation as it is or bring about a positive change. Bring about a solution for any uncontrollable situation and do not work through the modes of gossip.
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