"Being human is given. But keeping our humanity and sanity is a choice." - Unknown
A human being surviving without the required level of compassion is the ugliest form of living being on the Earth. However, it is only step-by-step that we are confronted with situations which start giving us the clues that we, or for that matter, no one is perfect. And this very thought is the whole essence of our existence. But, during the process, if we start hurting others in order to not being able to fix our own selves, others begin to love us less and eventually forget if love actually existed amongst us or not
I understand that it is surely impossible to never hurt any soul. But, this is how you can at least try and avoid hurting others as less as possible.
How Not To Hurt People?
It is a common phenomenon where people argue over both meaningful and/ or trivial matters on a regular basis. But by choosing your words carefully, you can avoid hurting people when handling those matters. And this is how you can do the same.
#1. Have A Control Over What And How You Say
The first and foremost pre-requisite is to maintain a control over the things you say and how you let them out. You should at all costs avoid displaying any kind of disapproving behavior. At times, you may not even understand the same, but there is exactly when you need to clear your intentions. Hurtful behaviors are difficult to correct at a later stage. So, you must ensure a neutral tone of voice along with an approving body language from the very beginning. You need to maintain politeness in all your responses even when you are angry. Believe me; it is possible to kill differences with kindness. And in a majority of cases, it creates a much lasting impact than shelling out sheer anger. Violence is just not justified. Bu,t kind gestures go a long way. And when you convey respect, the other person feels valued, and you avoid hurting each other.
#2. Do Not Take Differences Personally
Being honest and being right doesn't really pair up the same way. You might be honest but factually incorrect. You might be honest, correct and still hurt someone else's feelings. And you might be wrong on both the sides. All you need to remember is to be humble with your opinions. Just like you have a right to express your own perspectives, the same way other people too have the right to represent their opinions. You need to regard their side as well. And this is where a conflict of opinions arises, and people commit mistakes. However, such situations do not happen to demean you. They just happen because you have different perspectives and you are not able to resist arguing. Therefore, it also doesn't mean that you can take it personally and opt for resentment. This is the right way! Never take such disagreements personally, and you will go a long way in life without hurting others.
#3. Decide If You Really Have To Say Something Or Not
This is from my personal experiences that there have been certain situations where I could have yelled at the other person for their unacceptable behaviors. But, I chose to stay mum and stay away from the ruthless circumstances. This doesn't mean I am a coward. It just means that I am mature enough to avoid hurting others and myself in the process of confrontations or arguments. People do feel compelled to express their strong opinions. This, in turn, provokes the person on the other side and creates a mess that becomes difficult to manage. But, you should understand that sometimes being honest means being quiet. And speaking your mind should get outweighed by silence.
#4. Pay Attention To The Cues
If you do that, it is very much possible for you to turn down the chances where you might hurt other people. If you are able to pay attention to the bodily and/ or verbal cues, you know when to pause or when to stop. You can find these cues from both the sides. After reading all the cues, you will have to very carefully maintain that respect which every person should. If you feel that either of you is about to surpass the acceptable level in that particular moment, make sure that you stop it right away. There is also no problem if it ends abruptly. You just have to back off and not wait until any of you gets into a swampy pit.
#5. Express Your Perspective As A Matter Of Opinion And Not A Fact
When you seriously follow this mantra, you are letting out an impression that you value the other person's viewpoints too. When you are backed up with facts, either the other person will accept those with an open mind or they won't. When they won't, facts would feel like personal attacks on them. So, sometimes you need to let people come to a conclusion on their own. Forcing our belief is one way we tend to hurt others. It is better to avoid criticising them. And it is good for you to put your own viewpoint in a manner that it doesn't make them feel let down. Avoid making use of statements that over exaggerate the truth or your personal beliefs. Your primary motive should be, to be honest, and not be hyperbole which is rarely considered as honesty or kindness.
#6. Delay Your Responses
When you know that under certain situations, there may be a possibility for you or the other person to respond negatively, just stop. There is no need to respond instantly. You can easily delay the response if there is no urgency. Formulate a kind and compassionate decline so as to ensure not hurting the other person's feelings. For instance, rather than saying a blunt no, you can simply say, "let me get back to you after checking my schedule." Such statements often work! You not only delayed an angry or unsatisfied response but also avoided hurting the other person's feelings. Apart from that, you also get some time to think of a satisfactory response and it gives the other person an impression that you might not be fully interested.
#7. If It Is A Textual Conversation, Make Use Of Emojis
Yes, this trick actually works and I have tried it myself. Being an outspoken person, I make sure that each of my text is sent accompanied with emojis. This way none of the communications are misunderstood. So, if you even have the slightest idea that things are questionable, add emojis and play a safe game. There always are chances that what you say can be read from a totally different point of view. Your message might get entirely reversed. But if there are emojis, you can easily connect the emotions with the message you put across. Your friendly tone is always maintained, and there never is any kind of confusion.
#8. White Lies Are Sometimes Important
If your partner asks you whether a particular outfit suits them or not, the answer is, "yes it does." Because at times, the other person's happiness is much more important than being honest and being blunt. Why tell them about the truth when there are chances that they might start feeling demotivated and go low with the confidence. Why not try and make them feel happy and good about themselves. If no one is getting hurt, let the lies remain white.
#9. Just Apologize
Everyone has the right to be hurt in some or the other circumstances. However, in case where you have intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, just apologize! Do not overuse it, do not use it when it is not your fault, but also do not delay the action in case when you are wrong. There is not going to be a single way in which you can un-hurt a person. But, you can definitely try to lower the consequences. Just two words, I'm Sorry, and the circumstances come under control. Always remember that the more sensitive person you are dealing with, more are the chances of hurting their feelings.
#10. Remember, Life Isn’t A Kindergarten Recess
This is one golden rule that you need to keep in mind until the end of your lifetime. As we grow old, our existence starts becoming much more than just the kindergarten recess time. It gets complex. So, you need to live it, learn from it and not be a bully going around hurting others. There will be times when you will get hurt from other people's actions, there will also be a time when you will be the one breaking sentiments. In the end, it is your maturity level that controls the destiny, and the same thing makes you create or break relationships with other people throughout the time.
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