“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes marriages unhappy.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
Happy marriages are based on deep and thoughtful friendships that are maintained without any questions and/ or expectations. And essentially, it is only the companionship that makes a marital association as concrete as cement.
So, if you and your spouse are best of friends, nothing could be more wonderful! But if you aren't, make sure that you understand the benefits of instilling the pious feeling of friendship in your marriage. And here is how you can you can attain total satisfaction and be your wife's best friend.
Just for the same reason as it is important for building an association with other people throughout the lifetime. It helps build a level of belongingness and trust between the two of you. It also enhances the level of communication the two of you carry out with each other. Friendship allows the relationship to be even more perpetual and become the foundation of a healthy marriage. There is more prosperity, and, in fact, there also is a strong emotional connection. This emotional intimacy solves five times more problems than just having a strong sexual intimacy.
When you are not only a husband and wife but also best friends, you look forward to spending time with each other. You are more interested in genuinely liking each other. You are each other's, favorite persons. However, it all takes patience and time to reach to that level. You need to dream together, make memories together, create priorities mutually, respect each other and trust each other in times of need. Physical intimacy can fade at any point in time. But, true friendship would last a lifetime. Emotional intimacy will stay intact till your last breath.
#1. Just Be Yourself
When it is about the intimacy in your relationship, stop pretending to be someone else. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. You don't have to pretend to do things that your partner likes. Just be honest with her, and that's going to attract her the most. You should not be someone who you are not. Because for how long can you actually do that. Reaching the absolute depths is something that will also reflect on your relationship with her. Be honest, be loyal and be the one she wants to trust willingly. So, the sooner you clear those willingly created inaccuracies, the better and comfortable she will feel with you.
#2. Accept Her Flaws
It is very normal for the two of you to find imperfect attitude/ behaviors in each other. You have a difference of opinions and perspectives. Therefore, respecting and accepting each other becomes pretty much important in the relationship. Understand that if you would want to be her best friend, get over the quibbles and learn to accept her the way she is. Enjoy each other's company and do not expect everything to be right from her side. Learn to be happy with whoever she is and try not to make her bring about unnecessary changes in herself. Friends accept each other with their qualities as well as their flaws. So, be thoughtful enough in the relationship, get supportive of her actions, be kind to her and stop doubting what she has in herself. A reasonable level of expectation is fine. But, when these expectations start to imbalance the relationship, you destroy all the goodness.
#3. List The BFF Qualities And Try To Achieve Those
It's not all confusing. You need to be yourself, retain your own parts, but you also need to instill certain additional habits for the betterment of your relationship with your wife. Just imagine, if you were about to advertise about wanting a friend for yourself, how would it look? For instance, you may want a person who celebrates your accomplishments, becomes excited about the things you too are, love you regardless of your story, give you a benefit of doubt, not be judgmental, shouldn't try to fix you, makes you feel good about who you are, extends grace when you are unhappy, spends time with you just because they enjoy your company and not complain, shame or make you look inferior.
So, now that you have a list, turn the table. Try to be the same person who you wanted for yourself. Because these are half of the qualities that anyone would want to see in their best friend, and same would be the case with your wife. Be this person just for her. Because when one is not ready to bring about any change, the other person has to. Take a promise from my side, any person who achieves even half of the above-mentioned qualities, he can easily make more friends than what he can even think of. And remember that a lasting relationship follows a common ground and that is friendship. There is an intentional effort from either of the sides so as to share interests, connect with each other as companions and then start meeting those intimate and emotional needs.
#4. Constructive Feedback Applies To Relationships As Well
Yes, be upfront with what you have to say. Do not hesitate that she might not like it. Just do not stand there fuming about the things she does and how they make you go crazy. You don't have to keep tolerating all that crap. Just like friends do, tell her that there is something bothering you. Even if it starts getting on her nerves, you should know how to deal with the relationship conflicts. Occasional arguments are fair enough and even compromises can do well. So, all your focus should be to come to a reasonable outcome. Get constructive with the circumstances and fix things as a team. Do not get her to stay alone in the quest of teaching her a lesson for her wrongdoings.
#5. Treat Her With Equality
Marriages are associations. Similarly, you and your wife came together on equal terms and for sustaining a lasting relationship. So, you should never treat her any different. Do not underestimate her qualities. Be calm when dealing with her problems. You do not always have to treat her like a kid who is being supervised for each of her actions. You do not have to lecture her or set any kind of expectations. Rules of friendships do not include being bossed around with each other. Maybe all that she needs is just a warm hug, your attention and the acknowledgment that you are there to listen to her viewpoints.
#6. Make Her Feel Special
How can you be your wife's best friend? Make her feel special. Isn't that what best friends keep doing for each other. I feel, without this element, every relationship gets ruined. So, at times, you will have to show her that you care for her and love her. According to your personal preferences, take a list of the things that you may want to do ranging from big to small and/ or minimalistic. And these are what you can try - give her a nice foot massage, do the household chores without having been asked, water the plants or prepare at least one day's three-course meal. Your wife should get to know that she is valued in the relationship.
#7. Stay Constant With Your Efforts
Marrying your friend or finding a friend in your partner, both the situations take some time and sustaining efforts. You just cannot expect the destiny to fall into your favor and work according to you. One has to work hard to build a greater friendship in the marriage. Know the things that are preventing you from becoming her friend. Overcome those hurdles and start to maintain a connection that will never fade away. Both spiritual, as well as emotional connections, transcend time. And friendship is one the several characteristics that contribute to making the marriage work. It is a matter of time and your positive efforts that being her best friend won't be a day that is too far.
Are you struggling with your relationship, or you have conquered the steps of becoming a best friend to your wife? Would you like to share any of your personal experiences/ opinions? Let us know through the comment section below. We would love to hear from you!
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