High Conflict people have a negative aura around them. They spread rumors about people, cast aspersions, deride people, become angry all of a sudden and get irritated. They go through the motions of sudden fits of emotions and behavior. The unbridled chain of their reactions and actions is what causes the major problem.
They tingle with embarrassment in a matter of seconds and become emotionally aggressive. They also show some physical symptoms which are downright unacceptable. They cannot keep their cool and instead of being calm and collected, they become very resentful and displeased. Their behavior is easily visible in their actions by people around them. They are the people who never own up to their mistakes when they are wrong and get into a fracas with others when others try to pacify or advise them for their betterment. They have a very negative attitude and cannot keep a check on their mood. High conflict people are basically prone to mood swings. They can be happy at the moment, the next moment they become disgruntled and vexed.
Such behavior by these people is dangerous as it can also harm them. They are very obstinate and do not listen to others. They are of the opinion that they are always right and others have no right to correct them. They almost land up in the bad books of people around them because of their uncontrolled mood and behavior. If people try to show them the real picture, the high conflict people immediately consider them their foes. This attitude is preposterous and sickeningly displayed by high conflict people. They do not reflect on their behavior and look for opportunities when they can pass the buck and avoid such situations which hold them guilty. They do not even confess their mistakes, let alone improve or apologize for them.
They do not try to see things with a different approach, and that is how things go bad. The extreme behavior of high conflict people is the villain of the piece which leads to problems one after another.
It is not easy to deal with high conflict people. They are in a zone of distress and anguish. You need to deal with them carefully so that you do not spoil the things which are already damaged due to them. Given below are the pointers with the help of which you can deal with high conflict people:
#1. Talk To People
You must have noticed many people around you who are high conflict people. In order to calm them and solve their issues, you need to connect to them. Yes, they go berserk, so help them come out of their adverse situation. Be gentle and understanding. If you interact with such people, you can know as to where the actual problem lies. Pay close attention to their behavior and actions. Know what makes them go crazy time and gain.
#2. Set Borderlines
Do not confront them directly in a bold manner. Set some rules for yourself and abide by them. If high conflict people do not accede to your statements or thoughts, you can discuss with them and share your take on your relationship flatly. Do not endure anything just for the heck of it. High conflict people go the whole hog to work as per their wish and choice, so do not try to change them. You cannot change them in any way, and it is not your responsibility to change anyone or their behavior. Therefore, share with them the choices on which they can mull over. Manipulate them using some gull and dupe. Trick them into your words. Learn the art of manipulation so that you can talk them into doing things in a good and healthy manner.
#3. Keep Your Expectations Low
Do not expect anything of high conflict people. Keep your expectations minimum. Be sensitive and try to understand the situation of others as well. If you expect something high, you will definitely face disappointments so beware and keep the bar low.
#4. Do Not Be Logical With Them
High conflict people do not go awry in their behavior when they find something wrong. They can display their emotions and convulsions of feelings at any time. They don’t need any rhyme or reason to state something. Such people do not express their clear intentions because they are always at sea. They cannot reach a conclusion. So if you try to be practical and logical with them, they will jump on you like a ton of bricks. Thus, do not try to be smart or think realistically. They are not at all concerned about being practical and sensible. Had they been logical and thinking with some sense, they would not have been called high conflict people.
Try to reason with them. They will beat you with their behavior and some crazy statement. In order to face any serious result, do not even think to change them. They are defensive due to their nature and temperament which has got nothing to do with logic in any way.
#5. Do Not Challenge Them
There are times when you are sick and tired of these high conflict people and you want to challenge them and tell them to their face that their behavior is wrong and rude. Try to avoid such situations in which you have to challenge them.
#6. Respond To Aggressive Behavior
High conflict people sometimes go overboard and do things which are perilous for the environment, be it in an office or your house. So, when dealing with such people, try to be assertive in situations in case of some exigency. You need not be a silent sufferer all the time just because of their behavior. Thus, if they express aggression while talking, you must warn them. For instance, if someone is behaving really rudely to someone and sending messages in a paroxysm of anger or exasperation, ask them to stop immediately. If such things happen in a workplace, you can directly talk to the manager so that the problems can be solved quickly as things might turn worse which can damage the relationship among people on the professional level.
Not only professionally, but some people also assert themselves at every event and situation. Make sure you do not let them gain unnecessary control over you at any cost.
#7. Think Of Options
Do not be rigid on improving someone. In fact, think of things that can help them. Think of the options that are available which can come to your rescue. Always be on the lookout for solutions to the problems caused by high conflict people.
#8. Think Of Consequences And Future
When you argue with such people, they exhibit their traits even more. The barrage of their emotions and turbulent thoughts rear its ugly head. So think of future, what your words or statement can cause in the future. Will your present actions affect your future? Is talking to someone who is not going to listen to you anyway worth it?
#9. Treat Them With Respect
When you treat someone with respect, they honor you. Try to understand them and think from their point of view. What if you were in their shoes? No one is perfect, each one of us has flaws which we do not like to discuss or talk about. So, do not talk to them about their irrational behavior every time. Do not nudge them at every single matter. Try to avoid things, save certain serious circumstances when all you have to is take some action.
No one is same in this world. Therefore, you must respect high conflict people and give them their own space. It is not necessary to look them in a negative light. Maybe you get something constructive when you consider things from their viewpoint.
#10. Do Not Give Negative Feedback
Sometimes we try to talk in a way that really irks them. So, do not give high conflict people any kind of negative feedback. When they commit something terribly wrong, do not ask them to correct themselves. They can get angry at the spur of the moment which may fuel their wrath even more. In addition to that, do not add insult to the injury as they can lead to a more violent behavior in them which can be really harmful to everyone. For instance, if your co-worker is the one who falls under this category of people, try to be away from him and discuss things in a way that pacify them instead of igniting them.
Do not shy away from communication. Communication can help you in every which way and help taper off the problem and issues partly, if not wholly. If you prod them to do something positive, they might listen to your advice but be careful. Your manner and tone must be moderate and light.
Hope you liked the article. Do you have opinions on how to deal with high conflict people? Please feel free to share your views in the comments section. We would love to hear from you.
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