A person will never know about parenting until they become one. You may read hundreds of books and watch an infinite number of videos on the Internet to acquire the knowledge about parenthood, but it cannot beat the real experience. There will always be something that you learn on your own during the parenthood. With the first child, it can be a challenge for the newly made parents to take care of the baby because they do not have any experience. Gradually, they start understanding the needs of the baby and then they make decisions accordingly. But a lot of times your decision may stand accused by other parents. You know your child but the other parents feel that your decision was wrong. It happens when some parents take a different course of action which offends the other people who have been following a set path of parenting for years. Those people start criticizing your parenting which is the most hurtful thing for a parent. So, how to deal with parenting criticism?
You are being attacked by another parent or a family member who questions your decision regarding your child. Your first reaction would be to get defensive and agitated. You would get angry because nobody has a right to tell you that you are a bad parent. You know your child and you know what is the best for them. No parent would take a decision for their child in a haste. Some people are negative and they like to criticise others because somewhere they would want to believe that they are better than the others. It can be difficult to handle such people who are always critical because it is a part of their personality. No matter how much you explain they will stick to their opinion. One can only ignore such people and focus on their children. But when the family and the friends doubt your decisions it becomes a huge problem. You get hurt because you do not expect your close ones to question your ability to make decisions. They may feel that you could have taken a better step or that you did not do enough for your child. When someone slams a person’s parenting, they hurt their ego and confidence. The parent loses faith over themselves to choose the best for their children and they tend to become defensive. Due to the criticism, a lot of relationships get spoiled. For a lot of people criticism works positively, but for some, it interrupts their healthy living. Some parents may learn from criticism while some may take offense. What can parents do to prevent themselves from unnecessary criticism? Following are some ways to deal with parenting criticism:
It will be appropriate to keep your personal life private because it belongs to you. If you reveal your personal life and decisions then you should expect other people to intervene in your life. If you do not want other people’s involvement in your life then do not reveal anything about your life. If you want to take suggestions from other parents then you can discuss it with others but disclose the matter only to those people who you can trust and who will not judge you. You can discuss your problems with child counselors and other professionals who will be ready to help. If you have to take a decision about your child’s career then you should consider talking to career counselors rather than someone with half facts in their bag and ready to criticise you on each step.
#2. Do Not Lash Out Your Emotions
If a person questions your parenting then it is obvious that you will lose your control and you may start fighting with the person but you shouldn’t do that. It would be wise to keep quiet and calm because if you don’t then you will prove the person right. If you show aggressive behavior then the person will believe that you are an anxious person who would behave the same way in front of their children. The aggressive behavior will put across a false image of you and if your children are near you then it will also affect them in many ways. An argument is not the right way to approach the situation. You should avoid lashing out your emotions if the person criticising is your parent or a friend. You need to talk to them with respect because those people are not your enemies. They want you and your children to have a good life.
#3. Be Sure Of Your Decisions
Before making a decision about your children you should be sure of it. Rethink about the whole situation and your child. Think about your child’s needs and wants. Their needs may be different from their wishes. A lot of times parents provide the children whatever they ask for even when they do not need it. They do not think about the consequences of giving their child whatever they demand. Kids these days ask for smartphones and an account on every social media because that is trending but it is up to the parents to decide if they really need it. The effects of social media on children are known to be hazardous, but still, some parents allow the children to engage on social media. Do they really need it? Will they be able to handle the consequences themselves? These are the two important questions every parent must ask themselves before deciding for their children. Therefore, it is suggested that you should be hundred percent sure about your decisions when it comes to your children. If you are confident, then no one else will ever be able to raise a finger on your parenting.
#4. Respect Other’s Opinions
You should also respect other people’s opinions. If they think in a manner that you do not understand then that does not mean that their perspective is wrong. Every person has a different way of thinking and understanding things. Their analysis may tell them that your decision was wrong. Their facts about the decision may not be credible and therefore they may be questioning you. They may have heard a rumor, or they may have had a bad experience making the same decision which is why they do not want to you to repeat the mistake. There may be good intentions behind condemning you. The person may want your children to be happy and even you want that. So, respect the people for who they are and for their experiences. They wish to help you which is a positive thing.
#5. Justification Is Your Choice
Now, if somebody denounces your parenting then reacting to it is your personal choice. You may get away by saying, “My family is happy with the decision.” or you may explain them the reason why you chose to take the particular action. If you care about the person or if they are older than you then you can give justification. If they want you to explain then explain otherwise ignore the conversation. However, if you choose to define then you will be building a healthier relationship with your family. They will trust you next time you take action but if you revolt against them then they will not support you in future. They won’t stop you if you take a wrong decision in future because you do not want interference from others. Families interfere for your own good and you should try to find positive things in every situation. It will keep you optimistic and the decisions will never go wrong.
#6. Avoid Arguments In Front Of Your Children
If your friends or family condemn your parenting in front of your children then you should keep your emotions on guard. Your children will learn what they see and if you show aggression then they will learn the same. You are the ideal for your children and they should not watch you losing control over yourself. Either they will look down upon you after the incident or they will think that it is acceptable to fight and argue with people. If you can talk back to your parents then they will too. You will lose your reputation as the best parents in the world. Be the role model for your children and role models do not put forward wrong examples of behavior.
#7. Support Your Decision With Facts
If you want to convince the others in favor then you should support your decision by providing facts regarding your decision. Tell them about the parents who did the same and things worked out well for them. State the facts and inform the other people that your kids are different. Let them know about your children’s progress and how well they have been doing in their life. You trust your children and this why you allow them space and freedom which the other parents will not understand. If you have allowed your child to go on a trip to a different corner of the world which is unacceptable for other people around you. Show them that you trust your children and your parenting has made your children trustworthy.
Have you been criticized for your parenting before? How did you deal with it? Share your experience with us through the comments section below.
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