How to Know your Marriage is Worth Saving?

2,271 Views Updated: 27 Aug 2018
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How to Know your Marriage is Worth Saving?

Marriage is not all about warm feelings of intimacy and closure as it takes a lot of work for two people to constantly love each other and only some can succeed in this challenge. If the spark which once burned in both of you has gone dim, don’t be alarmed as you can revive your marriage. Just accept that this is a weak phase and work for things to get better again. Every marriage goes through stages where the passion is not on the same level as it was before and we should be angry about it but not to the point of self-destruction.

You need to be mature and forthcoming with your problems and complaints and figure out what is it that is begging you to get out of this marriage? Is it a particular habit of your partner that is too overbearing or is it just the plain old existential crisis returning and haunting you with the truth about life that you still cannot grapple with? Everything that we are and the way we react to the situations are closely inspected and spoken about when we are living with someone. One can get mad over the silliest of things as ego clashes are more bitter when the spark has gone out, if only temporarily. Still, all is not over, and you must check all the facts before you make the big decision.

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How To Know If Your Marriage Is Worth Saving?

#1. You Feel Guilty

There are times in the marriage when you feel underestimated and unappreciated, but you get through them because you still love your spouse and won’t let a silly annoying thing trick you into making a huge decision of ending the marriage. There are episodes where the two of you start shouting at each other and threaten each other that you will walk out of the marriage. But when the moment to take a decision arrives and you have to take a step, you are suddenly overwhelmed by guilt as you are not considering just the episode but the complete history of marriage. The thought of leaving is more and more frightening because you know deep down in your heart that things are not as worse as your head is making them out to be. If you feel this kind of guilt, then your marriage is surely worth saving.

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#2. If Your Partner Is Making An Effort

There are a lot of things which can strain the relationship. If you just make your own deductions and do not confront your partner about them, then chances are your own mind tricks you. It is very important that you speak to your spouse and voice the thing that is troubling you. When you give your partner the chance to address an issue and hear what they have to say, it will either confirm what you were thinking all along or make you doubt the legitimacy of your own claims. It may be that you are in a state of panic as you have not worked for a few months and your spouse has been earning. Your earlier way of life was the one in which both of you earned individually and spent individually, but now you don’t, and your spouse still does, and you are embarrassed to ask for money. 

Another one could be that you have just had a child and investing a lot of time and energy for the care of the child. You are not getting time for each other, and then you are getting all kind of advice from your parents and in-laws on how to care for the baby, so your head is all ready to explode. Are you feeling impatient and cranky because of this? When you share this concern with your spouse, he or she too will be able to see that it’s true and will do their best to get romance back on track and kill your fear that is forcing you into a state of panic because intimacy is not what it used to be. All you need though to feel loved again is reassurance, and you can only get it when you tell your partner what you are feeling. If you feel that your partner seems to make an effort to save your marriage, then give it a try.

#3. You Have Reconcilable Differences

Have you ever heard the term irreconcilable differences from people who have separated from their partner or divorced their spouse? Have you ever wondered what could be the reason behind such a drift? Could it be an extra-marital affair or were they going through money troubles? This can be your case where people speculate on what happened with you. You may realize it at this time what if I had just spoken to my spouse and sidelined my ego which only came alive when you felt degraded as your spouse spoke to you in a tone that was uncalled for. When you acknowledge this truth, you will do things differently, and that will stop you from taking a rash decision as you feel vulnerable when you are high on emotions.

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#4. Try a Trial Separation

Okay, you have tried living with your spouse, and it is not working out. Sex is also not at its best right now so what can you possibly do to make yourself comfortable? Do you seek sex from someone else but if you do will this relationship last? Or do you please yourself and indulge in masturbation as it will serve your needs even though it won’t be the same as sex. A trial separation may allow you to reevaluate the option of divorce as when you experience life without your spouse; you will begin to miss them. The main advantage of a trial separation is that it's easily reversible. You can try it for a while, go through counseling and then reconcile or you can try it for a while and then proceed with the divorce. A trial separation is a good option for you when you are unsure of your feelings and need some time to figure things out. It is one of the easier steps to take as this action will surely bring out a result. If you miss your partner dearly and feel it is difficult to survive without them, then the answer is you cannot divorce and just needed more time to process the change. You can learn more about it here

Tell us how you learned your marriage is worth saving. Drop comments in the comments section below.

(Image Courtesy: 1. Huffington Post, 2.Digital Romance, 3. The Spruce: Reader's Digest(Featured Image Courtesy)
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