Fear of Abandonment is what follows when a person no more depends extremely on another individual, be it a family member or a lover. A person can undergo feelings of abandonment either when parents decide to live separately or get divorced, or after coming out of a strained relationship that did not end well and went on for a long time. A child is usually accustomed to live under the shadow of his parents and become close to their family since a tender age. When a parent dies, or their parents' relationship undergoes an ugly turn where they decide to separate or opt for a divorce, the child is affected the most. Borderline Personality Disorder is associated with the extreme fear of being abandoned by a close one, and its effects include low self- esteem, insecurity, fear of getting attached and moody behavior to name a few.
When a long, personal relationship comes to an end, there is a possibility that the people involved may feel abandoned as an after-effect. When people you are attached to or talk to on a daily basis disappear or end things, the person tends to feel their absence, which makes them extremely moody coupled with the common fear of getting attached to another person this way ever again. Dealing with these abandonment issues is not an easy task and the person may not only undergo feelings of insecurity, moodiness and irrational fear of their loved ones abandoning them again but can also take an ugly turn sometimes as the person may prefer to remain in solitude and isolated from others. They may develop a dislike for any kind of physical bond or emotional attachment which may stay for a long time and will definitely not go overnight.
Dealing with abandonment may include ways such as talk therapy, which has been proven to be the most effective method of all. Professional help on the matter must not be taken lightly, as it can help the person to develop a positive view of the world and himself. The person may also undergo chronic depression and anxiety coupled with the other common effects of undergoing feelings of insecurity and low self-confidence and an increase in self-depreciation. This may hinder a person’s thought process or view of himself to such an extent that it might even affect their capability to undertake future opportunities as all this time, they have been thinking that they are not loved or not worth it, resulting in them failing to believe in themselves.
Fear of abandonment issues or Autophobia may develop after a person has been separated from someone they have been close with for a long time, be it a friend, family member or a lover. They fear of getting attached to someone else as they think that the person might hurt them by abandoning them as well. As a result, they create barriers to protect their feelings and prefer to stay in isolation. They are not a fan of emotional attachment of any kind and will have a pretty casual opinion on almost everything. They develop trust issues and may find it difficult to trust anybody easily, or even take a person very seriously for that matter.
#1. Talk Therapy
Therapy is supposed to work wonders for a person who needs to overcome his fear of abandonment. Professional help on the matter has been proven to be the best way to get over Autophobia. It involves a morbid fear of not feeling loved or valued enough among their group of friends or at home which may result in the awry condition of emotional abandonment by the person. The victims will deliberately fail to realize another person’s worth or undermine their feelings, but they will never appreciate or even trust someone when they try to express feelings of love towards them. These people usually prefer to remain in their own bubble of isolation as human contact equals to disappointment for them, which they wish and work to avoid at all costs. Mental disorders such as the Bipolar Personality Disorder exist in connection to Autophobia itself.
#2. Adopt A Pet
Deep down, abandonment actually means that a person has developed feelings of his own pertaining to the idea that he is not loved enough or the misconception of the fact that their presence doesn’t matter and their absence won’t as well. They think that people are only pretending to be someone that they are not, so that the person suffering may simply like them. They tend to assume that whenever someone tries to develop a close contact with them, they will eventually leave selfishly, without acknowledging their feelings in the relationship, yet once again. But by adopting a pet, the person will start receiving the selfless and unconditional amount of love on a daily basis with the promise of loyalty and an unlimited amount of attention. Adopting a pet has been proven to lower down anxiety and the rate of depression in people tremendously, making it the second-best effective method of treatment for talk therapy.
#3. Self- Love
When a person becomes a victim of Autophobia, he will not only fail to appreciate other people’s worth who genuinely care for them but also fail to acknowledge their own worth. Their nature becomes self- depreciating and ignorant to their own qualities and capabilities, which may harm their future or result in a mental or an emotional breakdown in the future. If you or a close one have a fear of abandonment, you must start by letting yourself or the sufferer know that they are loved and that their presence matters. Self-love is the greatest love, and some people take years to get comfortable with their own company or appreciating themselves. Do this often without undermining or self-depreciating yourself, and you will notice a positive outcome of its effect on your life eventually! Spend time and pamper yourself and uncover the journey of self-love.
#4. Get To the Root Of The Issue
Most of the time abandonment issues are a result of some childhood emotional trauma, which might involve the separation, divorce or death of one or both the parents. The other reason is when this fear of losing someone close to them subconsciously registers in the child’s mind for life, affecting his future relationships with people. In order to deal with the serious issue of abandonment, the person is advised to work upon and get to the root of his problem. Eradication of the memory where it all started will help the person to develop a positive outcome on his life, which will benefit the other people who love and care for them deeply as well.
#5. Talk It Out With A Loved One
If you or the person suffering from abandonment issues feel in any way that talking to a stranger might be a tough call as they do not want to open up about their private affairs to a stranger, then you can also opt for the alternative, and that is, talking it out with a loved one. People who love you and care for you will always be available for you to lend their ear. Share what’s bothering you with them in order to not just clear your head but to receive some advice in return. If you fear abandonment in a personal relationship with someone you have currently started seeing and fear that this relationship may end in flames like the previous ones did, then talk to them about it, Share your thoughts and feelings and let them know what you fear. If they genuinely like you, they will always be there to listen and most importantly, understand what it feels to be in your shoes. They will never underestimate your feelings, and after sharing, who knows, you might even find out a solution to deal with it!
#6. Accept And Move On
Accept what has already happened and move on. Following this advice might not be the easiest task but it is the best one so far, indeed. Accepting something in your mind will help you to get over it sooner, as your mind takes time to process certain situations and feelings and most often, we humans, try not to think about matters that bother us in order to avoid going through the unnecessary feelings of regret later. But it is important to accept the truth and try not form any judgments towards a particular gender or situation, as everybody is different and not everyone is trying to hurt you. Sometimes, it’s all in the mind which needs the sorting.
#7. Have A Look At Your Choices
If you have just got into a new, budding relationship along with the unwanted fear of abandonment deep down, then maybe you should give it a thought and look at the choices you made. If you fear that your partner is too casual about stuff and you do not think that your relationship may survive for long, and you want it to, then you should talk it over with your partner. Mutually, you must take a decision that’ll be best for both of you, instead of surprisingly discovering the contradictory feelings you might have regarding the relationship in the future!
Here are some ways in which you can deal with a person suffering from abandonment issues and some tips on how you can eradicate this irrational fear from their minds! Hope the article was helpful and leave us a comment if you liked what you read!
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