The upbringing of a child depends on how the parents brought them up. Kids do learn from their atmosphere, but even with the support of these external resources, it is important to realize that parents are the most important sexuality educators for their children. Talking to kids about sex can be a challenge.
There are times when parents are fearful about saying too much; too soon whereas at other times, parents feel that they don't know enough to become a reliable source of information. Also, teens too, feel uncomfortable coming to their parents or guardians regarding difficult issues, especially sex, and they often turn to their friends or the media to gain information.
In these cases, the information that your teen receives is either blatantly wrong or misinformed. That is one reason why it's important that you (parents) should talk to your kids about sex. You need to keep continuing this conversation throughout your teen's life, giving them an impression that you are open and non-judgmental regarding issues of sex and sexuality. As a parent, you need to remember that no parent needs to be an expert on sexuality to have meaningful conversations with their children since every parent has their own share of experiences and values when it comes to sexuality, relationships, and respect for others. While it may take some consideration on part of the parents so that they can provide accurate information to their children about sexuality.
#1. Starting The Conversation
Experts suggest that talking to kids about sex is not a one-time exchange. This one’s an 18-year long conversation, so it’s better for parents to start as early as possible. This is an opportunity to instill all the values you’d like your children to embrace and to create a foundation for future discussions.
#2. Breaking The Ice
Sex is a staple subject at every stage of your kid’s life, especially in their teenage and hence it is difficult to avoid this ever-present topic. But, talking to kids about sex is not always easy. But, you may even miss out on a lot of opportunities if you keep waiting for the right moment.
Sex education is an ongoing conversation, try and seize the moment. Remember that everyday moment such as riding in the car or watching television make for an interesting opportunity to start talking about sex. If you're uncomfortable talking about it, just explain that it's important to keep talking.
#3. Keep It Direct
Keep your feelings about specific issues, such as oral sex and intercourse very clear when discussing it with your kids. Discuss the risk involved objectively. It should include emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.
Just keep in mind that when you discuss sex with your kids, you need to consider your teen's point of view as well. Don't lecture your teen and discourage them to indulge in any sexual activities. Instead, listen to them carefully. Understand the pressures, challenges, and concerns your teen’s face.
#4. There’s More To Just Facts
Your teen needs accurate information about sex but it's just as important to talk about the feelings, attitudes, and values as well. Analyze all questions regarding the ethics and responsibilities keeping in mind your personal or religious beliefs.
#5. Give Way To More Discussions
Let your teen know that it's OK for you to talk to them about sex and that they can ask you any questions regarding the same. Be inviting to such discussions and express your happiness that your kids came up to you.
#6. Addressing The Tough Topics
Sex education for teens should include abstinence, date rape, homosexuality and other tough topics. Be prepared for questions like how will I know I'm ready for sex? Or why do people have sex? Is sex good or bad? What to expect after having sex?
Your teen usually faces peer pressure, curiosity, and loneliness, which inclines them into early indulgence in sex. Remind your teen that there’s no need to rush and that it’s ok to wait. Sex is supposedly an adult behavior and should be practiced only when you believe that you are ready for it. And until then, there are other ways to express their affection, and they could be taking walks in the garden, holding hands, dancing, kissing, touching and even hugging.
There could be times when your teenage must be pressurized into having sex by their partners. If they happen to discuss it with you, then you as a parent need to tell them that no one should have sex out of a sense of obligation or fear. Any form of forced sex is rape, whether the perpetrator is a stranger or someone they are dating.
#7. 'No' Means No
When you talk to your kid about sex, it is important that you teach them that a 'No' always means a NO. Whether your child is a boy or a girl, they both should equally respect their partner’s opinion and obey it. Emphasize that alcohol and drugs impair judgment and reduce inhibitions, leading to situations in which forceful rape may occur. They should be careful and susceptible to situations like these.
#8. What If I Am Gay?
Many teens at some point do confuse with their sexual orientation. They have friends from both genders that they are equally close to which makes them ask whether they're gay or bisexual. Do not let them make hasty decisions. Help your teen in understanding that he or she has just begun to explore their sexuality and it’ll take time for them to learn things about themselves. Feelings do change with time. A negative response to your teen's questions or assertions regarding them being gay can have negative consequences. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth who lack family acceptance are at an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections, substance abuse, depression and attempted suicide. Let your teen know that you love them unconditionally. Praise your teen for sharing his or her feelings.
#9. Talk About Masturbation As Well
Masturbation should not be a difficult topic to talk about with your kids. Teens do have a little idea of what it is, but majorly just feel good about touching themselves.
As a parent of a teenager, you need to tell your kid that touching oneself is natural and normal, not dirty. When your teenager enters puberty, sex tends to occupy most of their brain and masturbation is often discussed as a safer way to have sex, solo sex. In simple words, when kids are touching themselves, the parents should cease the opportunity and teach them about the ways our bodies are capable of much more than just reproduction. Make sure your discussion takes place in a nonjudgmental manner.
Your first talk with your teen regarding sex should not be your last! Talk with your teen about sex on a regular basis to encourage their queries. Let your teen know that you are always open and willing to talk about any questions or concerns they have about sex.
Have you talked to your teen about sex yet? Do you have anything to share with us? Let us know in the comment section below.
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