For most parents, talking to their children about sexuality and explaining homosexuality is supposedly a linear process. Just teach them about the basics, and they’ll find out the rest themselves. You help them understand the fundamentals about sex, and then gradually move towards discussing homosexuality, gay marriage, and transgender identity.
Today’s culture has however altered that trajectory for most parents. Amidst the quickly changing laws and norms concerning sexuality and relationships, a linear mindset would not suffice. As the kids grow older, the need to discuss both the basics and the complex issues relating to sexual orientations and teaching them about homosexuality has become quintessential.
For parents who haven’t done it yet, take it from the one who has, this one’s not a small talk, especially when so many of us ourselves are navigating ourselves to the shifting sand.
This article will be discussing what all you should include in your guidelines when you finally explain homosexuality to your kids. Many kids are getting incorrect and misleading ideas about different orientations via TV and social media. They are developing an unhealthy attitude towards people with different orientations. It is highly significant for you to teach your kid about tolerance and acceptance.
This is how you can go about it.
#1. Multiple Conversations
Teaching your kids about homosexuality is a complex conversation, and therefore one talk will not suffice. Make sure that your kid’s interested in the conversation and if they aren’t then better not talk about it. But if your child seems interested and is full of questions, they probably need more information.
LGBT issues are complex, so take help from library books and the internet to get a better insight.
#2. Use An Open And Friendly Tone
While talking to your kid about homosexuality, you need to be very understanding and compassionate. This will help your kid to put forward their opinions without any reluctance. Your attitude will help in shaping your kid’s attitude. Use a very friendly tone when you start any such conversations so that they don’t feel that there’s anything to get worked up about.
#3. Mind The Age
LGBT might be an important discussion for your kids but keep in mind, their age is of utmost significance to you. Small kids won’t be able to handle complex issues like how sexual attraction works.
With preschoolers
If your kid is in preschool, then you can avoid talking to them about any sexual specific activity. They are too young to understand that. Wait until your kids are old enough to be introduced to terms like homosexuality, heterosexuality, gay, straight or LGBT. You can teach them about the basic human relationship quoting your marriage or your relationship with your children.
With School- Going Children
Now that your kid has acquired the basic knowledge about the basic man-woman relationship, you can further it by discussing different kinds of love, like the love for toys, food, friends, and family. This will help them understand and accept the different forms of love. Tell them marriage is a union of two people and why the sexual expression is important to withhold a relationship.
Teens
Teens are obviously capable of dealing with more abstract concepts. When talking to them about homosexuality, you can always discuss the importance of recognizing their sexual orientation. You can help them analyze their preferences and choices so as to evaluate their sexuality. Tell them that it’s not always the same for everyone and God has created every human in a different way. The individual is free to customize their sexuality, sexual morality and their approach towards marriage as per their own preferences.
#4. Use Extra Help
Kids learn quickly from stories. LGBT+ inclusive media can help you to normalize the idea of varied orientations. Be it a story about a girl wanting to touch other girl or a boy with two dads, stories always work with kids.
Browse through library books and pick up the age-appropriate reading or viewing material. If your child is used to reading about the hero and heroine kissing each other, they will surely understand an LGBT couple doing it too.
#5. Defining LGBT
Tell your kids about what LGBT stands for. They should be aware of the various possibilities so that they are aware of what they see or experience. Your kid should know about gay and lesbian people, bi/pansexual people, asexual people, transgender people, etc.
Even if your kid is straight, knowing about homosexuals will make him/her more understanding and supportive of people they meet.
#6. Demeanor Could Be Deceptive
Explain to your kids that one can't tell if someone is gay by how they act or look. A person’s masculinity or femininity doesn't necessarily reflect on their sexual orientation. They might come across some men who are ‘effeminate’ and some women who are ‘masculine’ but they are not gay. Every person has their own personality and their sexual orientation is just one part of it.
Having a particular haircut, or a high or low voice, hugging someone from the same gender does not make someone gay. When you educate them about LGBT try to keep away from these stereotyped explanations.
Neither is better than the other; people should be themselves.
#7. Sexual Curiosity Is Natural
After a certain age, especially when your teens go through puberty, having a curiosity about other’s bodies, of the same gender and the opposite gender is natural to occur. A kiss, touch or even a sexual experience are healthy experiments and will not define their sexual orientation. Experimentation is normal.
Make them aware of the fact that some people experience little or no sexual curiosity whereas others have high libidos. This way if your child turns out to be an asexual or an aromantic, they will feel like they aren’t broken or bad.
#8. Teach Them About Safe Sex And Peer Pressure
Experimentation is healthy, only until it is safe and done in a consensual manner. Teach them that not everybody is ready to experiment with their sexuality at the same time, some take more time than others and therefore they should not pay heed to peer pressure. They should never push themselves into doing something they aren’t ready for.
Explain them about the basics of consent. If they ever plan to get sexually involved, they need to make sure that the other person is awake, alert (no alcohol) and willing to be actively involved too. If at all they are disinterested, you should never force yourself on them.
Teens are usually very curious and passionate about sex and therefore teaching them about using protection is very important.
#9. Give Your Kids Their Own Time
Once you have educated your kids about homosexuality, it is important to let your kids evaluate their sexual orientation. There are chances that they were aware of their sexuality and it has been a difficult journey for them. Explain them there is no ‘right’ way to live, and they can take as long as they need. Encourage them to not pressurize themselves if they are confused about anything.
If your child is adamant about their orientation, just know that it isn’t the right phase. If you do not want your kids to perceive you in the wrong light, then give them their own sweet time to think and evaluate their orientation.
#10. You Are Your Own Best Judge
Just because you are educating them about homosexuality, it does not make you their judge. Tell them that they are their own best judge. You can always help them tackle the questions relating to their identity but they are the ones who can decide what defines their sexual orientation the best.
Also, teach them to respect the personal orientations of other people. It can be hurtful to guess someone else’s orientation based on the way they conduct themselves.
#11. Discuss Bullying And Discrimination
Your child is probably aware and has witnessed some bullying and didn’t understand it completely. Make them aware that bullying is common when you are different from the rest, but it is wrong and it’s the bully who is at mistake, not the victim.
Teach them the ways to fight it back, so that they can protect their self-esteem when they are bullied whether it is regarding their sexual orientation or anything else.
Educate them about the basic intervention strategies including distractions.
#12. Privacy Is Important
Due to the discrimination and difficulties that people face due to their sexual orientations, some prefer to stay private about it. They do not wish to talk about it openly. This is their choice and that is how it should be.
Your child needs to know that it is perfectly normal to keep things personal and not talk about it to everyone.
If your child isn’t 100 percent sure about his/her sexuality, it is better not to tell. Make it clear to them that they shouldn’t disclose any personal information until they are very sure of it.
Explaining homosexuality to your child may come across as a difficult part of parenting, but try to fit in your kid’s shoes. A few conversations can help your child break through their inhibitions and live a free and happy life.
Do you think it is important to teach your kid about homosexuality? Let us know in the comment section below.
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