A lot of us struggle with shyness and the hesitation to be around people. But amongst the entire population, 2 percent of the people suffer from a personality disorder called Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD). The ones who have this disorder display a pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire to be close to others. The behaviour usually starts in the nascent stages of your life and continues through the days if not treated with care.
People with Avoidant Personality Disorder often consider themselves to be socially awkward and avoid interaction with others for the fear of being laughed at and disliked. The scientists are not able to find the exact causes, but it is said that the parents of avoidant kids had difficulty with their own negative thoughts. To understand APD a little better, let's read what the signs and symptoms of APD can be.
The people with Avoidant Personality Disorder will choose safe environments around them in which they do not have to get in touch with many people for the fear of being mocked. They even choose jobs which will involve little or no interaction with others. They only form relationships with people if they are sure that they will not be rejected. Social Rejection is so difficult for them that they choose to be with themselves rather than trying to be with others. They feel extreme anxiety in social surroundings even if they want to have a close relationship with the people. They are self-critical people and also do not trust other people easily. They have very low self-esteem due to which they are unable to recognize their positive traits. Self-loathing or self-harm is another symptom that is often seen in the people having APD. In extreme cases, they even fantasize about affectionate relationships. They use fantasy as a medium to escape painful thoughts.
The causes of Avoidant Personality Disorder are not clearly defined, but they may be influenced by genetic, social and psychological factors. There can be social factors involved like how a child interacts with their family and friends in the early stages. Psychological factors like the person's personality, temperament and their ability to cope with stress also play a major role. This means that no single cause is responsible. It is rather a complex network of all the three factors combined. Research shows that if a person is having Avoidant Personality Disorder, then it is likely to be passed on to their kids as well. So we should try and cure it in the early stages only. Let us read some ways to cure the disorder.
#1. Identify Situations You Avoid
If you want to start out by improving your situation, then the first thing to do is figure out what all are you lacking in. Once you know your negatives that is when you can think of working on those areas. Do you feel uncomfortable in almost all social situations or only some of them? Make a list of things that you are comfortable doing like dining out with a friend or speaking in class. Ask yourself the questions and be honest about the answers. Pen down the last circumstance you remember where you felt extreme discomfort in coming out of your shell.
#2. Get Out Of Comfort Zone
If you want to overcome your Avoidant Personality Disorder, you have to do things even if your gut asks you not to. If you find it really difficult to have a good conversation with someone, you should start out by taking baby steps. What we mean is that you start with small interactions like saying "hi" to your classmate. People find it really difficult to do something that they want to. But taking this step can make a huge progress. You can keep going one step further into talking to other people and then to having conversations with them.
#3. It's Okay To Be Awkward
The main reason that people with the Avoidant Personality Disorder do not want to interact with others is that they fear rejection after they do some foolishness in front of other. But let yourself know that even people with great verbal skills at times are not sure about what they are saying and don't care about how people will react. So it is okay to be an awkward person when you meet new people. Even if you make any silly mistake, people are not going to reject you from the group. Tell yourself that it is worth the effort because you do want to be a part of the conversation with everybody else.
#4. Connect With Friends Frequently
If you have friends, then give them a call and invite them to your place. You will be within the safe confines of your own house, so the comfort level will be better. Having friends over often will improve the verbal limitations if you have any. You can slowly start going out with them as well and try to participate in the conversations they have. Be a part of lunches with your co-workers and always give your input, even if small, at an ongoing discussion. This will make you feel comfortable in social surroundings.
#5. Do Things You Like
Every person has their own type of enjoyment. If you just sit in the corner alone when all your friends are socializing and dancing in the club parties, you do not have to consider yourself an avoidant. It might just simply mean that partying and loud music is just not your taste. So to bring out the timid person inside you, you should do things that you enjoy. Even if you have to go alone, you should give it a try. Try pottery classes or book clubs or anything that suits you. Be open to meeting people there and sharing thoughts with them.
#6. Meet A Therapist
Talk Therapy is considered as one of the best ways to overcome Avoidant Personality Disorder. Try to find a therapist who has previous experience in dealing with people who have APD. Do not hesitate if your therapist suggests you to come to a group therapy. Do not just discard that idea before you attend it. That might just prove to be a good idea to overcome APD. The therapy will make you face your inner fears of rejection and having interpersonal relationships. You might have some problems to be open to people, but eventually, it will be a great experience.
#7. Change Your Thinking
The next time you start feeling nervous in a situation, try to analyze your thinking. Are you assuming that the interaction with others will make you the laughing stock in the crowd? If yes, then you have to remove this negative thought from your head. Stop trying to think that you stammered last time, so why even try again. Pull yourself up and do not support any illogical thoughts. Whenever you have a negative pop up in mind, challenge that thought and try to prove it wrong. You will start realizing that mostly your fears are only in your imagination.
#8. Talk To Your Parents
We learn a lot from our Mom and Dad growing up. Their habits and reactions form a large part of what we are today. Avoidant Personality Disorder might have started in your childhood because you did not get approval from your parents. If your mom expected you to be the perfect child and you could not be, it triggered that effect of being an eternal avoidant. You start considering yourself as a useless person who cannot impress anybody. In these cases, you should talk to your parents about this and share how you felt when they did not treat you as equals to your 'perfect' sibling. Try solving the root cause to eradicate the disorder completely.
#9. Meditate
Meditation has a lot of benefits for the human body and mind. So you will definitely find an improvement in yourself once you start meditating. It will help you in dealing with stress and anxiety and will help you in building better relationships. Try self-improvement methods while you are meditating. Think about the situation which according to you triggered your Avoidant Personality Disorder. See that situation from the eye of a third person and analyze if it was really so bad. You will be able to see the situation based on facts rather than emotions. Tell yourself that you can overcome your fears and then see the effect.
#10. Be A Little Selfish
You do not have to think if the people will accept and like you or not. Before that, what you need to do is accept yourself and love the way you are. Avoiders are scared of being themselves and being rejected after that. That creates an even lower self-esteem. But that should not be the case. You should just walk past people who do not accept you because no matter what you do, they might still laugh. So, find people who understand you and like you for what you are. Do not lose your self-worth for a bunch of mean people. Just ignore them and tell yourself that you are better off without them.
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The people with Avoidant Personality Disorder or as we call it AvPD have a major problem being around a lot of people. They can appear as being rude when they walk away from a group. But in reality, they are just insecure and prefer the safety of solitude. They always avoid facing others in a conversation for the fear of being judged by them. There might not be anything wrong with them but they are always having the doubt of being ridiculed if the act in a wrong way. So the best way they come out with to avoid being a joke is to avoid people. No contact with others will make the possibility of being laughed at really less. They are socially awkward people you can say.
My sister has been one such person for a long time. She avoids talking to people as much as she can. She never attends any relatives when they visit. She prefers to sit in her room instead, listening to her music or working on a project. Things that involve fewer people are her favourite things. Books, for example, are her best friends. But she is a person you would love to be with, only if she allows you. I know that about her because we share our room. She does not hesitate in confiding in me about anything. We can go on talking for hours. She is like everybody else if she is in a comfortable company.
I recently sent her this article written. She smiled and said that she will start working on herself. I told her to get out of her comfort zone and try to talk to strangers more often. It has helped her a lot now. She does come downstairs to meet the guests at our home now. We see a new her.