How to be Supportive when your Spouse loses their Job?

Losing a job can be a great shock for your spouse and yourself. Working in a company may ensure an income, but the job’s security is not assured. When your spouse comes back from work and announces that they lost their job, then you would be shocked and you would probably start imagining the scenario of your lives after a few months. “How am I going to pay the bills and how am I going to manage all the expenses alone” would be some of the thoughts that instantly come to your mind. 

Unemployment can affect your relationship with your spouse along with affecting your life. There will be a drastic change in your unemployed spouse’s lifestyle. They will have nothing to do anymore which will leave them idle. An empty mind is that of the devil's house. Your spouse will probably get short tempered gradually when they will not have the power to spend the same as they used to.

Your unemployed spouse may not enjoy the same amount of control or dominance. They may not .” making decisions for the family. The person who is the breadwinner of the family gets to make the decisions for them, but when your spouse is unemployed, they will not have the right to make decisions because they do not have the source to provide for those decisions. A person who earns, manages their money and divides it into the departments that need it the most but if they don’t have the money, they don’t have the power. From your relationship to your life, everything changes when your spouse is unemployed. Let us see what happens to a relationship when one spouse is unemployed.

#1. The emotional drama and the burden of sustenance bring out the worst in you. You start fighting with your spouse over petty issues, and sometimes you say hurtful things to your spouse that hurt their sentiments.

#2. The dinner dates and the movie dates take place less than often because there is no extra money to spend on them. You and your spouse are not able to celebrate your love with each other because of monetary issues.

#3. Your spouse may have lost their job but their attitude does not change. Their ego clashes with yours which leads to more fights. Your spouse is not ready to make changes in their lifestyle which makes it difficult to manage home expenditure.

#4. You have to make changes in your lifestyle as well to cut some extra expenses so that you can use the money elsewhere. You have to give up on your parties and shopping list because you have to save the money for other important things.

#5. It becomes very difficult to handle such a situation when you have kids. They do not understand what the situation is like and so when their demands are not met, they become aggressive which then leads to aggression among the spouses.

So, what do you do to protect your relationship from such a bad phase? How to be supportive when your spouse loses their job?

#1. Swallow The Big News

When the spouse breaks the big unemployment news, do not spill all your emotions at the spouse’s face. Take a moment to realize what has happened and be considerate about what they may be feeling. It is a bigger shock for them as it is for you. Your spouse is more affected by the news and is probably traumatic and depressed. Be their support and do not start blabbering about what you are going to do now. Make your partner feel comfortable by seating them on the sofa and then ask them what happened. Why did they lose their job and how did it happen? The spouse is already taken aback, and if you throw your worries at them, then they will get more depressed.

#2. Throw The Mike Away, Get Off The Stage

The unemployed spouse may not behave dramatically in this situation but you definitely will which is extremely wrong. Switch off the mike and get off the stage. Do not create a drama by announcing the news to everyone. You should respect your spouse’s dignity by maintaining it a secret from all the friends and relatives. The things that take place between a husband and a wife are their personal matter and they should stay between them. By informing your family or your spouse’s family you will be creating a play of their vulnerability. Your spouse would already be feeling like they are useless and when you inform others about it, you will validate their thought. They will feel embarrassed and shameful of having lost their job no matter what the reason may be.

#3. “I Do Everything”

Burn the “I do everything” attitude in your living room’s furnace. When you impose that you do everything for the family, then you make your partner feel worthless. They feel that they are becoming a burden on you because of which they will either stay out of home or avoid you being at home. When you find them being ignorant, you will get angry and pick up arguments quite often. Do not imply that you earn so you are the head of the family. Even if your spouse does not work, they have an equal say in the decisions for the family. Their importance remains the same. You can instead ask your spouse politely to help you with the domestic chores. You should not compel them to take care of all the household activities because they are not used to those responsibilities.

#4. On The Bright side

On the contrary, there are some benefits of having an unemployed spouse. You can revise the division of the labor. Your children will have more time with their parent that they missed when the parent was working. This is the perfect opportunity to explore what the spouse could do. They can explore what other skills they have, or they can continue learning by taking up some educational course that will help them get a better job opportunity in future. You should appreciate your partner for staying calm in such a phase and compliment them for everything they do to help you. If they cook a meal for you, then you should say something like “I did not know you have such good cooking skills as well” instead of saying “you should cook more often now”. When you say that your spouse should cook more often now your spouse will feel that you want them to cook because they are free now which is not what you want them to understand. Your compliment should be in such a way that they feel encouraged and do not remind them that they have lost their job.

#5. The Job Hunt

The spouse has lost their job, and it does not mean that they should sit at home doing nothing. They should start looking for jobs from the next day onwards, and you should help them do it. Do not force your spouse to look for a job as that would make them feel that you are unhappy with them being home. You should encourage your partner if they want to look for a job in a different field. Take out some time from your busy schedule to talk to your partner about the progress and what do they feel about a new job. It is very important to maintain a contact with your spouse to be aware of their thought process through the difficult time. If your spouse does not get a job for a long time, it is probable that they will get sadder and they may lose hopes. Do not let that happen and maintain a casual and yet comforting conversation with your spouse every day.

#6. Hug The Fight Out

We have discussed above how the unemployment of your spouse is going to lead to various fights in your relationship and in order to avoid them, you should become more understanding and empathetic. When you keep your feet in their shoes, you will realize what they are going through, what a blunder must be inside their mind. They may have irregular moods, and all you have to do is to hug them. A hug has the comforting feeling, and your spouse will feel that you are with them through thick and thin. They will feel secure, and all their aggression and frustration will come out of their system with one hug. Your support for them is very crucial at this stage.  Give them your support in every manner possible. Be their confidante because they need someone they can talk to about their unemployed status and how it is affecting them. Your unemployed spouse needs a listening friend who can only be you.

Did you have any similar experience where your spouse lost their job? How did you handle the situation? If you have any issues with the article or if you liked what you read then leave a comment in the section below.

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