Children are a wonderful bundle of joy and part and package of marriage. Some people plan to have children and others don’t, but however it is, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that expecting a child is the best moment for the parents. But what happens when it all goes wrong? What happens when you plan everything out and when you are finally expecting a child, you go through a miscarriage and lose the baby? It can be shattering for both the parents and especially the mother. How to cope with this physical trauma and mental stress and overcome the loss of a child altogether?
Pregnancy can be hard to deal with. Some girls always wished to bore a child whereas others get prepared to undertake such a huge step after marriage or when in love. Having a child, for some couples, is a sign of their love rather than legacy, and a way of expressing their identity to the world. The grief that a miscarriage brings along coupled with the physical pain and emotional stress altogether can take a tough toll on the mother’s health. But these feelings of loss are not just experienced deeply by the mother solely. The father grieves too. A miscarriage or terminated pregnancy can take a toll emotionally and spiritually to such an extent that sometimes results in depression and guilty thoughts. The parents, especially the father can get second thoughts as to having a child again.
The physical stress caused by a failed pregnancy can be several and the reasons related to it as well. Most of the time, miscarriages are unplanned and in case it is planned, its called termination of pregnancy and not a miscarriage. Most cases of pregnancy termination are seen in unwanted and unplanned pregnancies as well as teenage pregnancy. The after-effects can range from bleeding, cramps and abdominal pain to emotional trauma and mental stress witnessed in almost all the cases.
The causes of a miscarriage could be many. Sometimes it’s in your control, and sometimes it isn’t. Half the miscarriages are caused due to the abnormalities in the placenta or the fetus. Sometimes when the egg entails itself to a wrong place, it can also result in a future miscarriage. However, these are causes that are beyond the human control. What is in our control are issues like chromosomal problems, carelessness, and excess caffeine or alcohol consumption that play a major role in most common causes of a miscarriage.
Here's the fact that you must embed in your head, miscarriages are not in anyone's control. It's fate and one has to gulp this horrible truth with a pinch of salt. Thus, stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t in your control. Instead, aim to be positive and keep trying. We agree that there is no pain greater than the loss of a child, and it can be really stressful and depressive to lose your bundle of joy. But you must learn to gather yourself and try to conceive again.
This will not only help you heal physically but spiritually as well. Many a time, grieving parents despise God and question their faith in Him. But that's not how things should be. Blaming an external force for something that is not in your control can only be regarded as a method of overthinking the situation which can have a negative impact on the mental state of the parents.
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Although most of the time, a miscarriage occurs due to natural circumstances and not due to something that was under our control, the option cannot be ruled out. Carelessness and indulging in certain foods that must not be consumed can also result in a miscarriage.
Studies suggest that having a well-balanced and healthy diet every day can drastically reduce the chances of a miscarriage. Not just that, it will keep you and your baby well-nourished. During pregnancy, it is very crucial to feed the body with vital vitamins and nutrients essential for the good health of both the mother and the baby.
Exercising is good for pregnancy and many doctors suggest it for a good blood flow, metabolism and to lead a healthy lifestyle. In case you're a fitness aficionado, and you used to train hard earlier, then you must keep in mind how the body is undergoing certain physical and natural internal changes that a hard workout can somehow have negative effects on your body. Exercise in moderation to prevent miscarriage.
Apart from that, get a regular medical checkup to look for any genetic abnormalities and in order, to keep your blood pressure, sugar levels etc. in control. A high sugar level or diabetic pregnant woman can lead to a malformation of the fetus that can even lead to the loss of the baby.
Keep your meds in control and before continuing with your medications, do consult your obstetrician and gynecologist as certain medications can harm the baby, even resulting in sabotaging your fetus in some cases. Apart from that, keep your stress under control and try not to over-think, over-binge or overindulge. With this, here's another tip for you; avoid the consumption of aspirin if possible.
Limit your caffeine consumption and avoid alcohol, pot or drugs of any kind at all costs! According to doctors, consumption of one cup of coffee a day is normal but overdrinking may affect the baby and your body negatively and must be avoided at all costs if you do not want to lose the baby due to such carelessness. Another important factor is the consumption of alcohol during pregnancy. Unlike coffee, where the consumption can be limited but still consumed, alcohol is seriously a no-no when it comes to pregnancy. From wine to hard liquor, alcohol consumption has to be eliminated entirely if you do not want to harm or worsen, lose your child. Engaging in a pot or any other kind of drugs can also harm your baby. If you are a smoker, keep your smoking under control and try not to smoke at all during your pregnancy if possible.
Dealing with a miscarriage can be traumatizing for both the parents. Although the mother suffers more greatly as compared to the father, the latter also suffers from unequivocal emotional impacts that can be hard to overcome.
#1. Accept The Harsh Reality
Gathering yourself and accepting what has already occurred, it can be a difficult phase of life. Losing a child can be a shattering experience for the parents and getting over it is the hardest. Without eliminating the fact that this baby was unique and special, try to understand and console your partner to make them believe that you can always try again and have another baby together. Expect the unexpected and give life another chance to shower you with the happiness. You can always try again after a while when you get over this and gather yourself. Plan to make another baby together which will help you get over the loss.
#2. Do Not Overthink
Do not for a second blame yourself for the failures of nature as this was something that you did not intend to do and yet it happened anyway. You just cannot have control on some things and therefore, you must stop blaming yourself for the unexpected outcomes. Engage yourself in activities to make your mind moving at all times, so as to get over this loss instead of just taking to the bed permanently and mourning all day every day. Engage yourself in productive activities or exercise to gather yourself and get over the loss.
#3. Support Each Other
Sometimes a miscarriage can affect a single parent more keenly. In such a case, support each other through these bad times and help them not to fall into the pit of grief or guilt. Going through a miscarriage can be a challenging phase as the parent has lost a child, considered to be the greatest loss in the married life. If you think it is too hard for you to overcome this by yourself, take a professional help and talk to a therapist. Therapy can lead to a positive outcome and help you greatly in overcoming the feelings of grief and guilt.
#4. Talk It Out
Talk it out with your friend, professional or any of your family members as they care for you and are always there to help you out. Letting it out will clear your mind and blaming yourself is anyway not going to make things any better. Sometimes all you need is some advice on the matter as to what to do next and how to go on with life. The bubble of grief you restrict yourself into can be dealt with after you decide to talk it out with someone.
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#5. Take Care Of Yourself
Make sure you do not let this setback become an opportunity to become distant from your partner. Take care of your physical and mental health. Talk it out with your partner if you think it’ll help you share the burden of this grief. Take your own sweet time to get over it but do not surrender yourself to the guilt. Resume your normal life and focus on your work. Get your mind off from constantly thinking about it and blaming yourself for what has already taken place. It can be heartbreaking but stressing about it constantly will only give you reasons not to resume and focus on your other goals in life and will also hinder your thought process from focussing on the positive in life. Go out with your beau for a little vacation and spend your blissful time in peace. Indulge in meditation and yoga to achieve inner peace.
Overcoming the pain of a miscarriage can be a draining experience, emotionally and mentally. What did you do in such unfortunate circumstances? Share your experience with us!
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