If you have an alcoholic husband, then the truth is that you too suffer from alcoholism. It is not just your partner who struggles with his addiction, but you as well need recovery measures to face the consequences. You may start developing self-defense mechanisms which may also get in your way of happiness, but you might also start feeling hopeless, frightened and incomplete.
However, to cope with your partner's alcoholism, you will have to devise options suitable according to your own circumstances. Of course, one size doesn't fit all, but here are some tips that can help you deal with your alcoholic husband.
There lies a difference between alcohol abuse and alcohol dependency. Whereas on one side, alcohol abuse is pretty common, dependency creates a mess in one's life. Abuse is not an addiction, but the abuser might keep drinking regardless of their consequences to deal with lowering personal/ professional obligations. It is just the creation of a pattern that leads to not being able to fulfill responsibilities.
However, alcohol dependence on the other side is reliance on the drink and having a persistent craving for the same. This basically is a physical dependence. Over the time, such people develop a tolerance which eventually extends into an unstoppable habit. They start to booze almost every day and actually become alcoholics. And this is what makes them unable to refrain from taking any further drinks.
So, the difference is pretty simple - Abuse is too often, too much but dependency is the inability to quit the habit no matter what the consequences are! Therefore, for the best of the family, here is what you can do if alcoholism (or an alcoholic husband in particular) is present in the household.
How To Deal With Alcoholic Husband?
#1. Approach In A Non-Threatening Manner
The circumstances can be really bad, but if you think you can still manage them, be generous towards the other person. No, you don't have to use any kind of derogatory or harsh words. Use a calming voice tone, avoid getting into unnecessary arguments at all costs and instead manage him in an assertive way. When you let such people know that you are getting affected, they try to get even more violent. So, you just have to make sure and not reply absurdly in such heated moments. Be non-threatening, so he doesn't respond similarly.
#2. Set Boundaries
You need to absolutely set the limits if their alcoholism is affecting you negatively. For instance, be clear that none of the discussions will happen when he is drunk. Let him know that he just cannot drink when the kids are around no matter what happens. And make sure that he understands each word when you communicate with him about the boundaries. Be strict enough so you can ensure a healthy and peaceful environment at home. Otherwise, even you understand how critical and dangerous the circumstances can become.
#3. Be Prepared With An Escape Plan
If he is responding in an aggressive manner, be prepared with an action plan. Such a situation arises when he is heavily drunk, not in his senses and your safety is at risk. Prioritize your security and seek for a protected place. You don't have to compromise with your well-being. If he is ready to listen, just tell him that you'll be at someone else's place or simply run away from the situation. Yes, running away is always better than getting yourself maligned. Contact your family, friends or neighbors if you need any kind of help.
#4. Do Not Become Judgmental
You need to be really concise with what you say. You should not budge over your own demands and should not even lecture him. If he is not able to change, there needs to be some kind of a modification initiated from your side. So, you need to be really compassionate when dealing with your alcoholic husband. But, also not seem to pity over their situation. Coping is tricky, but if you are determined, you have to manage somehow. Being angry or becoming judgmental comes the easy way but you need to communicate affection, understanding, and support. Have solutions for them and do not increase their problems.
#5. Discuss How The Situation Affects You
This is totally understandable that it really might be affecting you if you are the second one he turns to after alcohol. Such situations require you to be really honest with your partner. After all, love was something that got you closer. And if nothing is making him stop, let him know how you feel about his habit. You do not have to compete with the relationship that he has with alcohol, but let yourself and your husband understand that there isn't any competition at all. Even though he might be supporting the family on the financial front, let him know that you also need him emotionally. And isn't that what relationships are about - being there for each other in every situation! So, be honest and confront him that you are disappointed and let him know how alcoholism affects each person around. At times, they do not realize unless someone really confesses their feelings to them. Express how a distance has been created in the relationship which needs to be bridged.
#6. Do Not Allow The Blame Game
He might be in a habit of blaming you or others for his poor choices and the wicked attitude. But, always remember that you do not have to encourage such a behavior. And this is why you need to choose the best words and sentences possible to not let any of the blame be put on your head. When dealing with such a person, stick to non-reactive comments. You should not allow him to start shifting the focus of the entire conversation from his shortcomings to your own faults. Confrontation might be difficult but some day or the other, you have to do so. Living in a denial isn't the best thing to do.
#7. Pick the Best Time
Yes, great timing is everything, especially when it comes to talking with an alcohol-dependent husband. Such people have a tendency to convince everyone that nothing's wrong with them but you know the truth. Therefore, talking with a person who is pretty rigid with his beliefs is the most crucial thing. You need to pick a time when the both of you are sober enough to understand the essence of this discussion. Do not expect things to be in favor when they are drinking or are already drunk.
#8. Convince Him For Necessary Treatments
You will have to make efforts and convince him for undergoing required treatments. Either the two of you can go for a combined therapy session. Or you can choose to get advise from any of the local or highly recognized support groups. It is always a relief when you are able to share your feelings and frustrations with someone and also expect a solution in return. Such steps always help you to get through in tough times. Along with him, you also need to take care of your own self. So make sure you have a support network that will help you deal with your emotional struggles. And also understand that alcoholism is not easy to cope with when you are alone. Both of you will need the required time and efforts to get out of this phase. You will have to talk to him regarding the best treatments possible and make sure that there isn't a significant time gap between discussions and actually going for the procedure.
#9. Report
It isn't necessary for you to solve the problem by yourself or with the help of a few friends and family members. At times, the circumstances become so unfortunate that you will have to report them to the civil forces. Alcoholics have the tendency to become violent and harm people. In order to not let him threaten your security, report the abuse right away! Do not try to keep him safe by keeping such instances as secrets. You don't have to do that. Don't think of getting help from people, just call the emergency number immediately and protect yourself from any unforeseen contingencies.
#10. Leave
By leave, we mean a few more things that are just leaving the situation as it is. Yes, if it is harmless, let it stay as it is. You don't have to suffer in silence but, just stop dealing with this person. If that is something you don't find right, simply leave your husband. A majority of people do not see this as a viable option. But at times, this is the only right alternative. And it definitely depends on what your personal situation is. Of course, the moment you come to know of his alcoholism isn't when you have to take the decision. But if you get the feeling that someday, it has to happen, make sure you know about the route to be taken.
At the end, we would just like to say one thing - whatever path you choose, just do not choose to live in the denial phase. If you are expecting that the problems might disappear magically, you are wrong. Educate yourself and get the required support. Liked what you just read? Want to read more such informational stuff? Or would you want to share any of your personal experiences/ opinions? Let us know through the comment section below. We would like to hear from you!
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