There are fights and friction between every couple. It is however very important to save the kids from coming under its radar. When kids see the altercation and heated arguments, they take it in a negative light. It is very natural for kids to have an opinion when they see their parents getting into an ugly fight. Things are exacerbated when parents take a blind eye to the presence of their children around them. As a result, children undergo a lot of emotions and thoughts which damage their mental and psychological health. Parents ought to have an approach where they can let out their bitter feelings towards each other in a way that does not create a bad impression on kids.
The physical and mental state of kids is like water; they take the shape of the thing they are put into. They get affected by their adverse atmosphere around them; they cannot think other than what lies on the surface. They cannot go to the bottom of things because they are naïve and greenhorns. They lack the ability to act, while they can react. Their reactions are the reflection of the trauma they have been through. Parents fight in front of their toddlers and expect them to grow up into good human beings, setting up bad examples. Parents should work some way around their fights and deal with the nuances of their rift with an optimistic and pragmatic approach.
Confabulations must be plain which are meaningful and add to the creativity of a child. Keeping your child within the picture of your fierceness, discord, and conflict is not appropriate. Talk to them about day-to-day affairs, do not provide them a hostile environment in which his soul dies every day. What he sees is what he learns. Therefore, present a good and positive picture before your children. The level of understanding varies in a child; it is different for toddlers, pre-schoolers, and school going kids. They interpret the fights in different ways.
If at all parents fight, they must do without scarring them and instantly make up for it by going to the child and telling him or her about how much you love each other and about its importance. Hug them, tickle them and tell it is a mere convulsion which is a human emotion. Shower love on your spouse in front of them.
Parents must refrain some subjects from their children, as in if you are planning to divorce, do not share this with them until you are dead sure. Doubts surface in the minds of children when parents do not have a crystal clear plan or solution to their problems.
A positive vein must run through the house and the fights in which the parents get into. Parents set up good examples for their kids to follow. Once you allow negative and uncouth attitude enter your life, this has a direct influence on your kids. If you see to your fights and the daily fracas in an elusive way, you can stay away from being a bad influence on your children. Given below are some of the pointers which will help you fight without creating a bad impact on your toddlers:
#1. Do Not Be Aggressive
Fighting in front of kids is a common problem witnessed by many of us. Parents should make sure that they do not get assertive at any point. Do not try to impose your opinions on your partner and be soft in your tone. People go the extra mile in order to prove them right and belittle their partner. Be soft and normal, do not shout and keep yourself away from going into the frigid zone.
#2. Be Sensitive
If you cannot understand each other’s feelings and cannot relate to each other’s situations in any which way, you can at least pay heed to your kids and the stress he might be under. Recognize the symptoms of anxiety and stress early on so that it does not accumulate in large proportions in the future.
The expressions of kids have a great importance. Your child might cry before you in the midst of your ugly spat or might cover his eyes or ears. Sometimes kids do not reflect anything and remain riveted to the spot owing to the heckuva mental state. This is a matter of great concern, ergo, parents should deal with kids in a healthy manner, and it is only possible if they keep their fights minimum and do not put on display open in the living rooms.
#3. Do Not Involve Kids
Parents in their harsh tone of words and aggressive nature ask children to take sides. They should not put kids to trial. This approach won’t do and drag kids in your altercation without any rhyme or reason. It is but peace and an end to fights what the children want. You should yourself seek out and make proposals for an olive branch in order to slacken off the harsh impact of quarrels on kids. Children should not be divided; their loyalties are the same for you both. Kids do not know the language of differentiation and prejudice. Make sure they do not learn and pray to not be the reason behind their habit of acquiring discrimination in life.
How are the kids supposed to toe the line at such a tender age? Keep your kids out of the picture.
#4. Stick To Behaviour
Do not target your spouse in broad daylight. Tell them what irks you and do not indulge in blame game. For instance, if you want to tell your partner about his or her wrong and bad habits, just say, I don’t like this thing you are into or the way you did this. Refrain from saying things like, you are always wrong, you can never do things in a correct manner. Kids might take this in a different manner and might form a stiff opinion considering your use of words and behavior.
#5. Control Your Anger
Express your anger and exasperation in a light tone. Parents can curb their pangs of annoyance towards each other. Do not say things in haste only to belittle your spouse, be considerate and generous and show respect towards each other.
Channelize your anger and do not straightaway burst out like a volcano, discuss things and try to find out a solution. Shouting loudly on account of your annoyance is downright inappropriate. Just learn to do away with the situation when you are extremely angry. Do not rebuke your partner in front of your kids.
#6. Jot Down The Problems
Instead of shrieking and berating each other, you can just write down all your problems and grudges in the notebook. You can make a list from which can tick off things once you see improvement in him or her. This is a very delicate way of expressing contempt and letting your partner know about the troubles what lead to the hot arguments and fight.
In order to bridge the gap, this is one of the best ways to give tongue to your emotions without actually involving your tongue. Your kids will learn this method and perhaps, will follow suit.
#7. Do Not Be Stubborn
Obstinacy can ruin relationships, and the kids bear the results of your rigid conduct. Calmly listen to each other’s views and problems and have an open discussion. Some people leave no stone unturned to prove the other person wrong in a relationship. Do not be an obdurate to prove your point right. Try to compromise and put objective opinions. The moment you try to be subjective, the arguments will crop up. Kids learn from their parents, and if you settle on one thing, it will teach your kids about problems and the necessity of solution as well.
#8. Do Not Look For A Victory
Winning an argument during a conflict of emotions is not necessary. Revealing this side of your nature is always a bad idea, and it is scary for them. You need not win a battle of emotions, it is temporary and will obfuscate. But the imprints it leaves on the mind of children are catastrophic. Children follow in their parents’ footsteps and hanker after victory in every situation no matter what.
#9. Love Each Other After Fighting
After you are done with each other, share moments of love like a hug or an embrace in front of your children. Always look forward to a patch up because after all you will have to spend your entire life with your spouse and tackle such problems occasionally. It is good to teach your kids about the difference in opinions, and you must practice what you preach. Or else kids will take you for granted and think of you as hollow and hypocrites who simply wear a veil behind their misdeeds.
Next time you fight with your partner, make sure it doesn’t have bad consequences on your child. Do you have opinions on how can parents fight without damaging the mental health of kids? Please let us know in the comments.
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