Believe it or not, if a marriage is sexless, it’s doomed. From far it is really easy to assume that all marriages are filled with passionate and hot sex every night as shown in the movies. But only the ones who have marriages which are sexless realize that what is the pain of being in such a relationship. The ideal movies are so much far from reality. If you will try and get to know the reality of such marriages, your heart will break. In the perfect fairy world, we assume that in marriages, couples are all over each other witnessing wild and amazing romance. They probably are always enthralled and roll in each other’s bodies. However, the world isn’t as perfect as we view it.
Many couples are thrilled in the marriage, of course. At least for the first few months. However, there are couples who do not have sex for years or even for a decade in a marriage. Nobody really wants to admit it, but sexless marriages are common. But the fact is that it is not impossible to reconnect and rediscover a fulfilling sexual marriage out of a sexless marriage. What your spouse really requires to get back in form is really what you need to figure out. But before we analyze what exactly do you need to get that spark back in your marriage, it is important to know the reasons that why exactly marriages become sexless.
Busy Schedule: Most of the people are so much occupied in their work that it becomes very difficult for them to take out time for each other. Overwork and stress create a messy schedule that is hard to escape. In such circumstances couple prefers to get some sleep rather than seeking time for sex.
Loss Of Interest: When the relationship in a marriage becomes stale, both the partners usually lose interest in the marriage and sex for that matter. There is always a need to bring something new to the table to get back the lost spark in the marriage again. If you are not willing to get back that fire, the marriage will remain sexless.
Hormonal Imbalance: Stress level, certain food habits, medications and getting older can change your hormones and you change according to the environmental factors. It directly has an effect on the vital hormones that you need to have for sexual arousing. When those hormones are not there anymore, you usually lose that sexual interest in marriage.
Psychological Factors: It is believed and proved that sexual desires are usually connected to the brain more than the body. If psychologically you do not want to have sex, it will affect your marriage. Mental health of an individual plays an extremely important role in the desire to have sex. Mental issues like anxiety, stress, PTSD, depression, sustained trauma, low self-esteem, resentment or any past experience can strongly affect your sex life in a marriage.
Health: This plays another crucial role in marriage. Psychological, physiological factors also play an important role in controlling someone’s sexual desires. When energy centers are blocked because of any health issue, it can directly change the sex quantity in life. The issues of health like diabetes, vascular disease or paralysis commonly bring the dysfunction in the sexual relationship. Some of the diseases can also have an effect on hormone level and on libido.
Though, it is not necessary that all these factors cannot be solved. You can certainly fix most of the problems and get that spark in your marriage back in order to have a fulfilled relationship. Let us dive into some ways that can fix your sexless marriage.
#1. Communication Is The Key
Sometimes, it just takes some romantic and casual conversations to get that spark back in life. You need to remember the last time you actually initiated to make a move on your partner sexually. You need to talk about everything that may bring back the romantic love between both of you. It is high time that you start talking about sex and life, in general.
#2. Go Back To The Beginning
You need to go back to the time when you had so much of desires regarding your spouse and had that sexual fire within you. Inspire the lover inside you and take a move now. Dig into the old methods to woo your partner. You know your partner more than anyone else would be knowing the tricks to bring back those fiery moments into your life.
#3. Step Outside Of Your Comfort Zone
Alright, this has been followed very seriously as your marriage has become sexless for a reason. Try and get out of your comfort zone. Probably that is the reason which has made your marriage life monotonous and dull. Incorporate new positions and exciting things for bedroom, they will certainly raise the temperature. Get hold of some exciting sex toys and get your partner going and wanting for more.
#4. Commit To Fix Your Marriage
The transformation in your sex life will come only when you are committed to fixing it. An essential step is this reality check that you need to work on your sexless marriage. You both definitely want to recover that erotic romance again. Isn’t it? Then make a step towards it. If you will genuinely try to have that spark back, it will come indeed.
#5. Detoxify Your Relationship
Some life events which includes both positive and negative instances can change your life and can toxify your marriage. This can be the reasons that can slowly cause the resentment which ends up in a sexless marriage. You can openly discuss the emotional issues which will re-build an emotional connection between you both.
#6. Try And Create Loving Environment
This probably could be the most fun part of fixing you sexless marriage. In order to get your intimacy back, you need to create a fun and loving environment around you. The goal should be to make a valuable, appreciable and loving environment which you both can enjoy to the fullest. Remember, every moment of kindness counts to fix a sexless marriage.
#7. Use Massage To Reconnect
Once you have a better and loving environment at home, relax each other with some powerful tools like massaging each other. Not only it will enhance the connection between you both but also you will be refreshed from a tiring long day at work. Exchange some pleasurable touch and give quality massages to each other to intensify the bond again.
#8. Tap Into Each Other’s Fantasies
You should have the freedom to be as erotic as you want to be in a relationship. Your sexuality is different and unique. Use that skill and try all your fantasies to bring a spark and newness in your relationship. Fantasies actually describe who you are sexually. Let your spouse know you through and through as well. Try and fulfill your fantasies in your bedroom and let your partner know that you can bring newness in bed almost every day.
#9. Cuddle To Warm Up
As you have started having the benefits of your fantasies, you should always start up with cuddling. The bond of love makes you feel peaceful and happy. Cuddling can definitely enhance the trust level and creates more intimacy in the marriage. Full body cuddling process is a powerful healing tool.
#10. Share The Erotic Goals
Some people say that sex isn’t something that should be goal-oriented. However, it is high time you break the monotony and those myths and negotiate your erotic goals. If you agree on your sex goals together, you can achieve your erotic goals too. Prioritizing your sex life is indeed important to boost up your sexless life.
#11. Play Games
Now that seems interesting, don’t you think? If you have nothing more than boredom and monotony in your life, this is something you should strongly consider. Let your partner know what your body is craving for. Choose some games together and spice up your sex life with those interesting and fun games.
#12. Schedule The Sex Night
It is probably not sounding that sexy, but trust us on this. You will have so much fun if you schedule your sex night. If you are aware that you are going to have sex the coming night, you will be excited the whole day. Decide a night when you can fulfill all your ‘erotic games’. Scheduling sex makes it a priority and shows that it is important in your marriage.
#13. Stop Assuming That Your Spouse Isn’t Interested
Don’t jump to the conclusions and start assuming your spouse’s sex drive. Take time out and reach out to your partner for knowing their desires better. If you will start assuming their perspective, you might never be able to get back that spark in your marriage.
#14. Get Out Of Head And Get In The Body
When you use your brain all day, you struggle to connect back to the romance which is lacking in your life. Collect your sexual energy and keep your brain for work only. Use romantic music, scented candles or massage oil to heighten your sexual desire. If you are physically present in an intimate session but your brain is in your work, that will never help you. Focus on your partner and stop sticking in your head.
These were a few ways which can help you achieve the ideal marriage you desired for and get over the phase of the sexless marriage. Let us know your thoughts regarding the same in the comments section below.