Every parent, who has more than one child, at one point or the other has been asked about which one is their favorite. If you are a parent of more than one child, then the question might be coming your way soon if that has not already happened to you yet. To a parent, every one of their offspring is equal. Well, at least that is what they say as they do not want to seem like a bad parent. However, the reality is completely the opposite of that.
We may not admit, but most parents have a favorite child, but the actions speak louder than words. Most parents who deny having a favorite child are either lying or are still unaware that they subconsciously have picked the one that they love more. In this article, we are going to talk about the favorite child syndrome and how a kid feels when he or she is not the favorite child.
Mentioned below are some subtle signs that will show how favoritism prevails in families. Check these out.
#1. A telltale sign that a parent favors one child over the other is that they get defensive of their preferential treatment or behavior towards one child and overlooking or neglecting the needs of the other. Such parents may also have explanations or justifications ready for when their spouses, friends or somebody else points out their alarming behavior. They may admit to their preferential treatment but spin it around in order to prove that they are not cruel to one child, and there is a rational reason behind their behavior. For instance, they could explain that their one child did not need new clothes, so that is why they showered the other one with gifts.
#2. Another sign of favoritism in a household is one child being bestowed with abundant affirmation which may or may not be deserved at some moments. It is commonly seen in many families that while one kid enjoys all the privilege in the world, the other one is not so lucky in this regard. The undeserved luxuries or incentives offered to one child may dishearten the other child and make him feel unloved or disconnected.
#3. The differential treatment of a parent among the children can also be witnessed in the form of your affirmation towards your children. One child may work pretty hard to get the parent’s affirmation and may not succeed. When children are stuck in such situations, they aggressively or passively, focus all their energies on getting the affirmation from the parent or both the parents. However, all the efforts go in vain as the parent fails to stimulate the loving and affectionate behavior of the child.
#4. Another obvious sign of favoritism in a household is the constant comparison between the siblings. Parents hold their preferred child as an example to the other even when he or she may have done nothing to be held in that position.
#5. Do you let your one child get away with anything while your other one has to pay the price whenever he or she does anything wrong? Well, if that is the case, then you clearly favor the former one. Parents who favor one child, tend to believe that their favorite child can do no wrong while they have completely different views on their other child or children.
#6. One of the most common signs of parental favoritism is the existence of uneven expectations from the children. It has often been observed that favored children are held to lower standards and expected less from as compared to the other child.
#7. Another thing that can tell if a parent favors one child over the other is the way that they talk about them. You will see their eyes light up at the mention of their favored child while they will lack the same enthusiasm or spirit when they hear the name of the child that they are really so fond of.
So, these are the things that can help you judge if you or someone you know favors one child over the other. Now that you are aware of these, take a look at the Negative Effects of favoritism on a child.
#1. It Can Ignite Sibling Rivalry
When one kid watches the parents favoring the other child, they become jealous and start to hate the sibling for being preferred. Then they embark on a competition to gain more attention from them. When this competition gets fierce, the kids can start to hate each other. It is important to handle with care as if not done so; it can turn into a severe case of envy and jealousy, imposing long-term consequences on the relation between the two.
Do your kids have sibling rivalry? Here is how you deal with it.
#2. Favoritism Can Become Abuse
You may be working on your inhibitions or what you may think will not have any real effect on anything but that is never the case. Emotional abuse is just as destructive for a child as physical abuse, and that is precisely what you are imposing on your child by favoring the other. Parents are the one who a child is the closest to in the world, and by showing that somebody else is more important to you than them, you are, in fact, telling your child that they are on their own in this world. Not feeling the same love as their brother or sister can have a serious impact on the psyche of a child, and if you want your child to grow up into a normal human being, we suggest you take good care that your every child feels equally loved and adored.
#3. It Inflates The Ego Of The Favored Child
It has been observed that when one or both parents favor one child over the other, then the favored child grows up to be distorted from the reality, having inflated views about themselves. In all likeliness, they will feel that they are entitled to have everything that they want and the rules and regulations that apply to everyone else do not apply to them. Further, such kids struggle to create or maintain intimate relationships throughout their lives and also grow up to alienated from their own sibling.
#4. Lowers The Morale Of The Neglected Or Less Favored Child
Among the most devastating effects of parental favoritism is that the child who grows up being ignored or less favored than his or her sibling grows up to with negative views about themselves. Such kids tend to believe that they are defeated and aren’t worthy of love. They also tend to believe that hard work and determination always go in vain. The negative feelings, when staying for a long-term, tend to develop into depression and other serious psychological problems.
Do you think that your child or someone else in the family is suffering from depression? Here are some simple tips that can help you deal with the problem).
#5. Partners May Get Jealous
Believe it or not, it is not only the ignored child who suffers from parental favoritism; it is also the relationship of the parents. When spouses observe their partners to have an extra special relationship with one of the children, they are likely to get jealous of the bond. There is a chance that they may feel relieved that the bond is filling a void that might be in their partner’s life because they have failed as a spouse, but that is less likely to happen. Hence, the special bond that one spouse shares with one of the children can spark envy between the couple.
#6. May Spark The Similar Behavior In The Children
Favoring one child may come naturally to you, but perhaps this might force you to reconsider your behavior. Children who grow up in an environment where one child is favored over the other, they start to believe that the behavior is normal and when they have children of their own, they pick their favorite and shower that one with all their love. It is probable that you grew up in a household where one child was more preferred than the other and that made you believe that this was normal.
Life is difficult when you are not the favorite child in the house. Do you have a favorite child? Or is somebody you know a victim of the favorite child syndrome? How do you make all your children equally loved? Share your thoughts with us through your comments in the section below. We would love to hear from you.
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