The million dollar question starts with a marriage or a baby? What if you pop the question after the baby arrives? Or is it marriage that comes first considering the society and its customs? Marriage is a huge responsibility, an institution that demands love, affection, care, accountability, that comes with a lot of expectations. Love and pregnancy are different things; one may not like to have a baby before marriage. The entire brouhaha regarding marriage and baby is becoming the cynosure of all eyes in the present scenario. Some of us are going for the baby first, and this trend has been catching on quite quickly. If marriage has its own set of tasks and onus, life with the baby before marriage is not a cakewalk too.
No matter what people make decisions on their part alone. The cultures, heritage, and values of each community are different. Not only does the cultural and social background matters, but the individual's comfort, convenience, and priorities top the list. Looking at the nonce, there is no gainsaying the fact that people are defying stereotypes and shattering the constructs, dyed-in-the-wool beliefs kept in isolation. The changes in the society over time have become visible and palpable now and, they are manifested through our actions in real life. Some people, although they are overly educated, yet they cannot so much as ponder over getting married after a baby. It has got nothing to do with being liberal and broad-minded. It all comes down to one’s own sense of perceiving matters as per one’s circumstances.
The first thing that hits us is the societal pressure, yes it does not hold good for every situation but ten to one, the chances are you’ll get married before thinking of going in the family considering the essential attributes of the family you live in, your social circle and your coterie of friends. It doesn’t really matter when everyone stands united, however, if you are at crossroads with the constitution of your family, things shall be really tough. Well, getting married before the baby is a sensible decision and given below are the points stating why should people get married before the lady has got that bun in the oven :
#1. To Avoid Society's Contempt
A couple should get married before the arrival of a baby to jettison the society's disgust, barbs, and taunts. Once you are married, the society has no choice other than to accept you and your partner. When your baby grows up, he or she won't bear the brunt of society's contempt, and no one would cast aspersions on your child. The scorn of society is too high to ignore, and it affects your mental and physical state of being. So, you must get married before having a baby so that the society does not cock a snook at you.
#2. Security And Safety
Okay, you decide to have a baby before your marriage, what then? Ten years down the line, what if your child knows about it? Is it really worth it? When children know that their parents have been legally married once and they are the result of a lawful unison, they would not face censure from people around them. Also, they will feel a lot safer. A sense of security naturally enters the mind and can be felt by both children and the couple.
#3. Get Time To Know Each Other Well
Once you know each other cheek by jowl, you can contemplate on things like family planning and stuff. What if you just rush like the blazes only to regret it later? It would create problems galore. A couple must spend time with each other, know about each other’s taste and preferences and when you are au fait with your partner’s thoughts, you can ride on the family wagon.
The question that comes to mind is, "what if we know each other since eons?" It is, undoubtedly true, that you get acquainted with many things which might or might not be similar to yours, but when you are married, you get to spend more time with your partner. Dating lets you spend some time with your partner which is barely worth any count – the one you call quality time. When you stay together, you can see the merits and demerits of living with the person, and this influences your decisions regarding pregnancy as well.
#4. For Self Contentment
Your girlfriend is expectant, which is a case of accidental pregnancy, what now? Either you plan to abort the child to avoid aspersions and contempt from the society or plan to seal your situation with a marriage stamp. Sometimes you are not satisfied, and you take such harsh steps when push comes to shove. You are left with no option.
But if you talk sensibly and pragmatically keeping in mind all the ramifications, you can avoid landing up in adverse situations. People get married before having a baby to attain satisfaction and a complete sense of well-being.
#5. A Commitment
Having a baby before marriage is one of the best ways in which one can exhibit one’s commitment towards one’s partner. Sometimes your relationship is in a flux, and you cannot think as to what is in store and how things will shape in the imminent future, let alone the entire life or many years later. When you plan a family together, you decide to share a bond for a lifetime which is sealed by the arrival of a baby. Once a couple assumes the role of parents, they are committed to that person and can decide on marrying when they are comfortable. This in a way, gives substance to your relationship.
So, think twice and hem and haw before you reach to a final conclusion because one resolution can make or mar your entire life.
There are stigmas and certain taboos surrounding some situations in life. There are only extenuating circumstances which result in having a baby before marriage, but people are coming forward nowadays and stating their desires and decisions in a crystal clear manner. However, having baby before marriage has its own risks. Though there are risks involved, we cannot argue against anyone’s set of mind and their settlements. There are certain benefits of getting married after having baby, here is the list of advantages of declaring loud – the rabbit is dead. :
#1. You Become Responsible
A baby in a relationship makes you responsible, and you begin to whisk away the inessential things out of your life. People become more dutiful and affectionate. A baby teaches you to follow a line which keeps you sane. Moreover, discipline and accountability are also a part of the process when you have a baby before marriage. You are independent and learn to manage your own things.
Parents have to get up at the crack of dawn and hit the sack late at night, a baby can wake you up at the witching hour, and you cannot shirk his or her responsibilities. The baby arrives in your life owing to your own decision, and that makes you all the more alert. Parents have to attend to the needs of the baby all the while, there is no escaping it, and hence they become more responsible.
#2. You Get To Manage Financial Issues
If you decide on going for a baby after marriage, you get to know the ins and outs of the monetary issues. When you become a parent and take the responsibility of a baby, you need to deal with several financial problems. Parents can learn not too profligate in unnecessary activities and rather save for future or rainy day if need be. Some situations call for a lot of money, and in case of deficiency of lucre, nothing works out.
A couple can plan money-related issues and think of insurance, fixed deposits and things like that so that they can come in handy. Money teaches you a lot in life, even more than the phases in life. If you have got this issue sorted, you are done and dusted with half of your problems immediately. You can lead a good life and can ensure a good future for your baby.
#3. Co-Parenting
Childbirth can wait, some people are of the opinion these days. They want to learn the art of co-parenting and want to tend to their child together. Marriage does not guarantee a time which you can give to your child in unison. There are many things which need to be taken care of apart from one’s wife or husband priorities. Families, work pressure, future tensions- all such dilemmas surface in the minds of people, and they decide to have babies.
Hope you got a lowdown regarding the marriage and babies. What are your opinions regarding this? Please share your comments.
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