When you get married, it is not easy to be on good terms with everyone apart from your spouse. You are well aware of your spouse’s movements and habits, but the same we cannot say of your in-laws. They can make you uneasy at times and even get on your nerves with some of their antics.
Every family has a certain silliness about them which when viewed by an outsider doesn’t inspire the same love as the people who are actively involved in this personal story. It can happen to you as well as you grew up in a different setting to that of your spouse. In-laws can be demanding and intrusive not realizing where to draw the line but once you have married your spouse, her parents are your parents and your parents are hers, so you have to learn to be more sociable with them.
# 1. Accept Them Into Your Extended Family
It is important that you understand that over time people are cast into certain molds which shape their personality and character. If you keep fighting with yourself that they are not behaving in a certain way and this anger will solve nothing but only consume you and start eating you from the inside. What you need to do is simply take them as they are. Do not forget that there are members of your extended family someone on your mother’s side or father’s side who you are not too fond of and are helpless in influencing their behavior both general and towards you. We often lead ourselves to believe that people are untoward us and treat us differently when we raise certain expectations from them. The key is to have no expectations of good or bad behavior at all and read it as it comes. When you love someone, it is imperative you respect everybody they are close to and not choose your feelings all the time.
# 2. Set The Limit
Everybody has the right to have views and sometimes when people who have polarizing views sit at the dinner table feelings of enmity may fly over food. It is a very naive assumption to make that the person who is related to you will have similar views as you. What one needs to do here is set the tolerance meter to a point where you let them express some of their own and hear them without questioning your beliefs or theirs. However, when something seriously alarming is said let them finish and break your silence so that they know you will never approve of it. Not responding to everything they say is a sign of maturity.
# 3. Don’t Go Overboard
A lot of spouses tries to do a complete turn on their emotions when they learn that it is not okay to harbor hatred for their in-laws and it is necessary to love them. Everything you do or say for them will not be received enthusiastically, and things they do for you shouldn’t be either. You have successfully inspired love in their child, it is not your responsibility to forge a similar relationship with their parents as well. This feeling to do more with them also comes when you internalize what they say about you and try to change that. They have had their ups and downs in their life and formed a certain projection about the person their kid will marry, so they need time to set you somewhere in there or change the projection completely. Be patient and stay in the middle not bending too much towards hate and not bending too much towards love. Moreover, if you completely change your feelings, chances are they will think you are faking them.
# 4. House Rules
When you get married, you have to cope up with a lot of changes in both your immediate surroundings and external. Your house rules must remain uncompromised, and their house rules should remain uncompromised as well. There are things that you like done in a certain way, could be that everyone has to sanitize their hands at the dinner table at their place or no one can smoke inside your house. You should never hope to take control of their space and not let them take control of yours. It helps to develop mutual respect for each other.
# 5. Think About The Long Run
Consider your hatred and how childish it is because once you have married your spouse there can be no avoiding their parents. It’s important you change your attitude of making faces and cribbing around them. In the future, you will also become parents some day and defining the relationship is very important in the start. No communication in any relationship can lead to malice in hearts and make one think about avoiding necessary meetings which can not only damage your relationship with your in-laws but also with your spouse.
# 6. Get Together But Not That Much
It is important that you don’t always say no to family outings and show up on essential occasions. Thinking where to go for an outing will make you choose a place which both of you like and enjoy. This will help this new relationship blend in with the environmental settings.
# 7. Take Timely Vacations
She has had a lot from your parents more than you have had from hers, to be honest, and you have had a lot from her parents as well. All this has put a strain on your relationship, and sometimes you cannot even figure out whether the person you fell in love with is saying these things or your separate set of parents have filled your head with their words and thoughts. It’s time to separate yourself from this environment and take a vacation. It will help you analyze what they said and what you feel about it, helping you figure out responses to these questions. It will do you good to get away from opinion overload.
# 8. Keep The Lines Of Communication Open
The lines of communication should remain open throughout the relationship. If you feel there is something you cannot tell your in-laws or your wife cannot tell your parents, it is important that you address the issue with your spouse so that they take it up with their parents. It is the best method available as the in-laws won’t feel like a stranger is commanding them nor will you feel that you are speaking to someone you don’t know.
#9. Know That They Cannot Turn You Against Each Other
The strength of your relationship lies in the fact that you know your feelings exist independent to that of your parents and you need to believe the same about your spouse. It will never make both of you insecure and always stay with the idea that your in-laws only wish the best for you.
# 10. Track The Triggers
Every family has something they freak out about which appears silly to others and something that they see in a completely different light. Most of your dislike stems from this and this fact alone why you don’t see this thing for what it is? It can happen in any family as the perspective they gain and follow comes from their interpretation of life. Track their triggers so that you know when they are more likely to raise a hue and cry about something and keep in mind that environment deprived of things they freak about are better at sustaining calm and happiness throughout the evening.
# 11. Leave The Big Topics Alone
People have no patience for someone who follows their words with the attention of an investigator looking for a loophole to ask them about the foundation for a certain belief. This becomes a big topic, and like all big topics, it will ask for the removal of faith from one thing and putting it another because hope is the only thing that makes the world go around. Leave the big topics alone and talk lovingly about small things.
# 12. Delay Some Important Things
Every child sooner or later comes to at odds with their parents, and this is an opportunity for you. Sure you have learned how to cope with them and nod politely about things because if you comment, the conversation will turn grim. Personality clashes cannot be avoided, but no in-laws are fond of harassing the spouse of their child. You shouldn’t do the same but when you have unknowingly held on to something which they said to get it out in the open when your spouse is mad at his/her parents for something. You can mention an important subject which you need to be addressed that they won’t address otherwise. It can feel that what you are saying if not objected will go against the sentiment they have for their parents. Tap the anger they feel towards them and get the issue addressed which has been bugging you so that all relationships are well-balanced again.
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