Ego can become a big problem in relationships. Friendship, love affair or family relations can be ruined because of ego issues of one person. Ego is a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. When a person feels that their importance is being compromised or they are losing their value then the ego of the person gets hurt.
We all have an ego, but the person who is dominated by their ego have low self-esteem when compared with others. The source of their motivation is other people’s approval. When the approval from the other people decreases, their self-image gets disturbed. They cover up by being rude or by trying to dominate the other person. In a relationship, this defense hurts the other person and creates hurdles in the relationship between the two people. The ego problems in a relationship are the reason why most of the relationships break. Jealousy, pride, perfection, and fear of rejection are a few issues that come hand in hand with ego.
Humans with ego have a defense mechanism. When people find themselves in conflicts, they use their defense mechanism to deal with those situations. Defense mechanisms are driven at an unconscious level that fends off the unpleasant feelings like anxiety and apprehension. Repression is one of the defense mechanism we use which allows the thoughts that aggravate unpleasant feelings to stay unconscious. The meaning of repression is quite clear from the world itself. A person with ego may repress their feelings in a relationship which can become an issue because the other person will not be able to understand what is wrong. Another most common defense mechanism is denial. People deny the existence of a stressful event because it causes them discomfort. Like you may deny of having said something to your partner which made you feel guilty. So, how do you avoid ego problems in your relationship? Following are some ways in which you can avoid ego problems in a relationship.
#1. Don’t Be Too Tough
It often happens that you take things very seriously. Every joke your partner makes hurts you because you take it personally. It happens because you feel that they are making fun of you. You feel that your partner does not respect you, but that is not true. Sometimes, it is better not to let every little thing affect you so much. Your partner is with you because they love you and respect you. There is a reason they are with you. Nobody would be with someone who is not worth their time and effort. Nobody wants to date a person who is not perfect for them so do not take jokes personally and even if someone makes a joke out of you, be a sport and laugh with them. You will make a stronger bond with the person.
#2. Accepting You Were Wrong
Denying what you did as a defense mechanism is wrong. By denying your mistake, you deny your relationship with the partner. You start feeling guilty, and remorse arises which you cannot express because you have lied. If you accept your mistake, you will be proved a liar and your partner will not trust you again. And hiding something in a relationship is the biggest sin one can commit. Accepting that you were wrong will give you an opportunity to improve. You can always accept and apologize before it takes a terrible shape. Your relationship is more important than your ego.
#3. Let Go Of Fears
Don’t permit the fear of rejection rule your actions. When you let the fear of rejection control your actions, you make wrong decisions. You may say something that was not appropriate. You fear that you will look silly and a lot of time that fear drives you to do something silly. Your pride gets hurt when you sound silly or appear stupid which activates the ego to defend such a situation. It is better to depend on yourself for high self-esteem rather than depending on other’s approval. When you are sure about yourself, then anybody’s opinion will not matter, and there will not be the fear of rejection anymore.
#4. You Can’t Be Perfect
Everybody has their limitations. A person’s abilities to work is limited. You cannot work or achieve beyond your capability. You should know that you are not the best. You cannot reach perfection no matter how much you try. There will always be something that you cannot do. Every person has their own set of skills and qualities which the other person may lack. The other person’s abilities are different from yours. Their or your abilities stand equal and nobody is inferior or superior in those terms. If your partner is not capable of doing something, then that does not mean that they are weak or undeserving. You should respect every person for who they are.
#5. Stop Showing Off Your Accomplishments
Boasting your achievements can spoil your relationship with your partner. By talking about your success, you make your partner feel smaller and they do not feel good around you. You should encourage others to work hard instead of bragging about what you have in your life. When you allow pride to speak your mind, you are allowing the wind near the fire. You should become humble and encouraging to make your partner feel equal in the relationship. Be grateful for what you have in your life and be grateful to your partner for being there with you always. Make sure that you stay by their side when they need you.
#6. Compliment Your Partner
Appreciate your partner for helping you in everything and making your life better. You should feel lucky of having a wonderful partner in your life. If you feel lucky, then you would want to retain them in your life as well. How would you do that? Compliment your partner often on their appearance and on little things you find nice about them. When they care for you or when they bring you lunch, praise them for being so thoughtful. Avoid getting used to compliments yourself. Compliments boost your confidence, but if you get used to them, then your confidence gets affected by the number of compliments you get. Your spirit will be uplifted till you get appreciated and when people stop praising you, your confidence falls. Be thoughtful for others and thank those who are thinking for you.
#7. Thinking From Other’s Perspective
When you fight because of your ego, it is mostly because you do not think from other people’s perspective. You state you do not even consider your own opinion and other person's opinion. This happens because you feel that you are right and others are wrong. You cannot always be right. You should always think from other’s perception. Keep yourself in other’s shoes and walk a mile. You will realize why a person thinks the way they do. When you think like others you will have a better relationship with your partner because then you will not be judgmental and your decisions will include them as well. For a healthy relationship, it is important that both partners understand each other and respect each other’s thinking.
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10 Opinions
Ego problems arise in a relationship which is very common. We all have ego related issues that surface at some point in time. The reasons could be any but the main cause is low self-esteem. When a person’s self image is not high in value then a lot of insecurities arise, which then becomes problematic in a relationship. The person gets jealous of the partner’s status in society. If the partner enjoys attention from many people then the insecure partner will get jealous of the people who get time and attention from the partner. If the partner spends extra time with someone else the insecure person will get envious and initiate a fight with the partner. Sometimes insecure people get jealous of the partner’s success. If the partner has achieved something before they did then issues emerge in the relationship. Every person has different roles and status in a society and everybody is not equal unfortunately. If the person allows that inequality to become a issue then the relationship will never work. I have seen a long relationship break because of insecurities. A man became insecure when the girlfriend got a job at higher position when they both started their careers at the same time. The man could not digest that his girlfriend got a better opportunity because he thought he was better than her. Such imbalances in a relationship and status among two people can break a relationship no matter how much they loved each other. The girlfriend however wanted to stick to the relationship but the man’s jealousy increased as she spent more time with colleagues and the corporate entrepreneurs which he always wished to do. The relationship was five years long and it broke in less than five days. One should talk about their insecurities instead of acting silly.