Have you been trying to be Less Caring in a Relationship? Have you figured out a way yet? But is caring less in a relationship actually possible? Isn’t caring for the person you are with makes the relationship special?
Yes, all that’s said holds true, but an excess of anything is bad. Some partners tend to be way more emotional which may be suffocating for the other partner. At times like these, it is important to learn to care less about a relationship.
Here’s how you can do it.
Before you classify your emotions as positive or negative, try identifying them. Umm.. Just think that you are writing a report about your emotions, and your thesis has to be as precise as possible. Do not just care about the type of your emotion; focus on its intensity too. Emotion is a temporary condition, much like weather that keeps changing
Not sure about what we just said? Let us put it in easy words. Being “upset” is a vague way of describing your emotional state as it does not focus on the intensity. Dig deeper to find out if you are “deeply disappointed.”
Do you just feel “good” or you feel “ecstatic” or “just relaxed”? Be clear and specific about your emotions.
If you’re angry at your partner, let yourself feel angry. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, or beat yourself up for feeling a certain way.
You’re only human! Make yourself sit with your own thoughts and sensations that accompany your emotions. Allow yourself to explore the emotions and experience them to the fullest.
All said and done, the best way out is to talk to your partner about how you feel. Communicate your emotions to your partner in a calm, non-accusatory way. Assure them that you want to be less caring in the relationship, but your emotions are not letting you behave in that certain manner.
You can use the following statements to take charge of your emotions when you are trying to shift the blame away:
#1. I feel deeply upset when you raise your voice at me
#2. I don’t agree with you
#3. Concentrate on your own feelings and perspective on the situation, instead of attacking or blaming your partner
Now that you have identified and observed your emotions, it’s time that you bring out your spying skills. Make sure to not project your feelings arising out of your personal issues onto your partner. Question yourself to determine your actual feelings, for example, you can go with questions like; what triggers your reaction? Are you mad because your partner disrespected you? Or is it because of a rough day at the office?
If you feel jealous, think about the reasons that made you feel so. Is it your friends, family or your exes? Is it a wound from any of these relationships that have become the reason for your jealousy and insecurities?
Prevent yourself from worrying about the details of past fights or the “what ifs” that can drive you crazy. Put the past conflicts behind and focus on the present.
Getting angry and defensive is a natural reaction when you are trying to be less caring in a relationship, but you need to listen to what your partner is trying to tell you. Do your best to see from your partner’s perspective.
Keep a check on your body language if your partner is extremely reactive towards you. Are you crossing your arms, tapping your feet, or clenching your fists? These actions will surely make you appear hostile, which will eventually make your partner react.
Keep your arms and shoulders relaxed, hold your head up, and make eye contact. Feel relaxed.
If you find yourself getting wound up and agitated, try slowing down your volume. Speaking slowly will help you feel less anxious and will give you the time to think about what you are saying which will help your partner to understand you better.
If you have trouble slowing down, practice by writing down what you want to say and read it out loud later. Break your speech into short phrases, and take pauses for a deep breath after each phrase.
You know the feeling; the face getting hotter, tightening in the stomach and the hands that start to prickle. Leave the conversation before you have an emotional blow-up, and continue only when you feel calmer. Learn to rate your anger and leave the argument as soon as it touches four on the anger scale (located in your head).
If stalking your partner’s ex on social media usually sends you into a jealous fit, stay away from it. Maybe the multiple responsibilities that have been burdening your fragile shoulders have become the reason for your irritable mood. Try delegating some of these responsibilities so that you do not lose your temper. You may not be able to avoid a triggering situation completely, but all you can do is steer clear of the ones you are aware of.
When you feel negative emotions creeping in, try to look at the situation from a positive perspective. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, focus on the positive ones. Zoom on the strengths in your relationship instead of focusing on the shortfalls.
Negative thought cycles can have a life of their own. One negative thought creates another negative thought, and before you know it, you can’t think straight!
Falling into patterns of unrealistic, counterproductive thinking is easy. Look for these patterns in your own thinking, and try to seize them when they happen.
There are times when we are in the “All-or-nothing thinking zone”, where all we see is either black or white, we leave no rooms for grays. Also, when we try to be less caring in a relationship, we start overgeneralizing, i.e. we start generalizing our entire life based on a specific event. For example, if you fail in an exam, you start believing that you are not capable enough to make it through them ever.
An upset mind is only capable of filtering out the positive aspects of a situation and focusing only on the negative ones. Catastrophizing is another such situation that arises out of your act of being less caring in a relationship. It mostly revolves around over-thinking a situation and ultimately making it worse than it actually was.
For Example, if you break up with somebody, you might find yourself thinking, “I will never find love again.”
You also may start to reason based on your emotions rather than the objective facts. You will tend to label yourself and others instead of focusing on the actions and intentions.
If nothing of the above works when you try to be less caring in a relationship, and you still struggle with your moods and emotions, then better consult a professional. Your doctor will be able to help you figure out your emotional highs and lows.
Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing and work together to come up with a solution that works for you.
Have you tried caring less about your relationship? Let us know about the tips and tricks you used in the comment section below.
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