Communication is the key to happiness as we are all slave to our minds, whatever we think controls what we feel and communication with others or talking to ourselves is solely responsible for generating how and what we feel. It is really important that you communicate what all goes through your mind to your partner as it reduces the tendency to snap because you don’t have any repressed feelings that can arise suddenly and confuse your partner as he/she hears a rant that is out of context.
A lot of partners think that communication can backfire as they feel that voicing their emotions and feelings may lead to them losing the same as they will have stepped out of the state of mind which helped bring the emotion that they felt at that moment. We know that our emotions and thoughts change rapidly, so we need to tell ourselves and share with our partner the wisdom that we can only be defined by the moment and what we were before that moment and what will be after that moment are also non-permanent states. Insecurity and suspicions do not make for a happy marriage, and they are kept at bay when we communicate regularly and keep growing and renewing the trust we initially built so that our relationship never falls apart.
#1. Set a Baseline Standard
If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you'll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve, this is true and if you are on the other side of this then don’t try to label it as wrong or untrue. Accept that you have not set a standard for yourself and tell yourself that you can easily raise it by practicing an attitude of determination which helps you form a habit that will be that is better for you as an individual and good for the relationship overall. When you set a baseline standard, you tell your partner either by words or by actions about the things which you won’t tolerate at all and the thing that will please you. This will help build trust in the relationship and tell both of you more about each other’s quirks and pet peeves as we all have some. An example of a baseline standard would be that you don’t lie and value truth a lot which will convey to your partner what you directly value and what you expect of yourself and them.
#2. Handle Taunts and Jibes Maturely
You need to learn to handle your partner’s jibes and taunts well and instead of adhering to a belief that having the last word means you win every time you have to take the jibes and taunts which can be nasty once in a while with a smile thereby neutralizing the personal sting. When you don’t reply at the moment and use the statements your partners made later in the relationship when you have the upper hand in the conversation it tells your partner that you pick your moments to be nasty just like them. Partners who don’t get defensive a lot have a baseline standard set and are open to attack because they know that this attack is not going to lead to an action from them or from their partner that can sabotage the relationship. This will exude your maturity to handle and make peace with the human side of your partner that vents and gets worked up. There isn’t a relationship in which partners don’t bicker and use sarcasm to feel a burst of happiness which comes from ousting a feeling that annoyed them. So, when you handle taunts and jibes maturely, it improves the level of communication as you no longer list their shortcomings whenever they use sarcasm and tell them that you can take things in a lighthearted way as well even though the relationship is very personal. This endears your partner to you further as he/she is now your friend too.
#3. Take Them Out For a Serious Conversation
It is not an uncommon thing to know that when you see a person in a particular setting and see them behave in a particular way, you take it as their default behavior more or less. And if they are laughing and joking all the time in this setting, then it can be difficult for you to take them seriously when they are talking about something which is serious. They may find it difficult to be serious as well as thoughts may flare up which tells them that they are acting fake and not their real selves. It is very important that you lay the ground rule which is that whenever you or your partner wants to talk about something serious you will not do it where you live and will do it in another setting. It can be that you go to a restaurant or a café whenever you need to have a serious conversation.
#4. Address Everything by Telling Your Partner You Are Flexible
You need to know how your partner thinks and you cannot know what they think about a particular thing until you have introduced the subject. So, what you need to do is just talk about everything from money to sex and push for a common understanding. This is because when both of you have a different understanding about something you are more likely to have a conflict and this can be embarrassing when you are with other people, leading them to think that you are at odds with other and do not have harmony which is a quality of all couples. Both of you may have a different take on culture, or one of you may think that a vacation every six months is necessary while the other may think that a vacation every 3 months will be fun. Both of you may be reluctant to some things that your partner proposes but you will never propose it to your partner in the first place if you don’t hear that they are flexible. When you or your partner tells you that they can have a flexible approach it eases away the fear of getting shot down and the partner who proposes gets to know you better as they learn the reason as to why you oppose what they have proposed. Also, it builds the check with your partner culture and helps you limit the things you may do an impulse that pisses your partner off. The most miserable people are only those who care only about themselves, understand their own troubles and see only their own perspective. Flexibility helps you build empathy and helps you become less self-centered.
#5. Set Goals
You have been married or have been living together with your spouse for a while now, and it is no surprise that both of you have become increasingly familiar with your surroundings and rarely get your partner wrong as you are an expert on gauging their mood and can easily make out if they are high on energy or low on it and how it impacts their state of mind and body movements. Never getting bored is a virtue but it is important that you find good things instead of silly ones to save yourself from your boredom. The most important reason for setting goals is that to stop you from over-thinking and overanalyzing on certain things you have already discussed and concluded. You may have discussed when to go for a vacation and which movie to watch next weekend and may have had the dining room re-done just now but your mind will again go to these things when you don’t do anything other than sitting at home and brooding about past instead of planning about future. A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided; this tells us that we need to act and set goals which are feasible. When you fail to accomplish the first thing you planned don’t get disheartened instead talk to each other and motivate each other to look for ways and rewire your plan twisting it till you get something which you can implement. You can prepare a list of all things you want to do this year, and that will bring you closer to your partner as you will see a side of them which you have not yet seen that will come from new experiences.
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