If we talk about men finding it difficult to date some particular women, it is the feminists. Some men tend to think that feminism is a barrier to build the intimacy in a relationship. But some assumptions are completely wrong that men often cook about feminist women. Hence, we are here to share some truths and myths about the same. If you need help to make your way into a feminist's heart, we are here to your rescue.
It is natural for you to be extra nervous if the person across you is a feminist because you will have to keep your man vibes in control. Let her take control of the decisions too unlike most of your other dates. First, let's be clear about what feminism is and what it is not, so you can be your better self during your dates.
Feminism is not at all about raising one gender above the another. In fact, it is the exact opposite of that. Feminism is giving rise to the belief that both the genders should have equal privileges and choices. You are not wrong to think about how her feminist beliefs change your relationship. You might end up thinking how far is she okay with you taking things in control. Whether you should pay the bill or hold the door for her. There is no straight answer to these things as "feminism" is a highly individual interpretation. So you have to treat her like a person with individual preferences. There are a few things that you may be wrong about till now. So let's dispel certain myths about feminists here.
You will be very wrong to think that your feminist lady does not like masculinity. Someone who has the natural flowing masculine energy is very sexy for them. Another misconception that men carry about dating a feminist is that they see men as their enemy. Well, they do not. So you need not be scared of being hated by the girl you are dating if she is a feminist. She only wants equality, not superiority. If you think that feminists are not romantic and normal girlfriends, you cannot be more judgemental of them. If you are someone who loves to buy her flowers, you keep doing that. Opening doors is not a problem if you want to do that. But unless you are expecting her to play the role of a fragile lady, things will go smoothly. Feminism hurts relationships only if you play the cards wrong. Would you date a feminist if we told you that according to a survey men with feminist partners had a better relationship stability and sexual satisfaction? So we will share some feminist relationship advice with you, so that you can make the best of it with her.
#1. If She Wants, Let Her Pay
We all have participated in the first date ritual where the men swiftly pick up the bill when it comes to the table and hand it back with their card. But it might not be the same if you are dating a feminist. She is not a woman who will judge you if you want to split the bill or even forgot your wallet at home. She might even offer to pay half of the amount herself. So, sit back and let her do that. In fact, it will be easier on your pocket too.
#2. Don't Be Self Conscious
It is not true that feminists hate men. So, do not worry about every action that you are going to take. As a matter of fact, she can be as girly or nerdy as she wants to. So if you want to watch a romantic comedy instead of an action flick, she will be the last one to judge you for it. Also, you do not necessarily have to be the one to get the popcorn. While dating a feminist, you do not have to macho up even if you do not want to.
#3. Understand Her Viewpoint
Let her talk about the beliefs and views so that you can understand her stance in a better manner. Dating a girl who believes in gender equality might be a positive experience for you if you look from the correct angle. She might just share a different perspective to discrimination against women in the past and let you know how it feels. It can be an eye-opening experience for you too. It is important for you to understand her to establish a healthy bond with her.
#4. Make Your Own Sandwich
If you are dating a feminist, the last thing you will want to ask her is to get in the kitchen for you. She will not accept the role of a housewife in the relationship. So, you will have to make your own sandwich and grab the beer yourself. You should not accept your girlfriends to be your personal housekeeper. She will not want to be someone who does not understand her core values. You have to let her sit and enjoy the TV as much as you do. It is always good to be independent and do your own chores. You will be more attractive to the girls you date if you are good in the kitchen.
#5. Don't Belittle Feminism
You will be the least in her interests if you try to tell her that feminism is unnecessary because everyone is already treated equally. You should avoid saying something mean about women's equality in the world. If you want to date a feminist, you should not talk shit about feminism in front of her or even behind her back. You should do some homework and watch the news to realize what she says might be actually real. It is the same like you would treat someone who has different religious or political views. You respect their views while keeping your own. You cannot force your date to not be a feminist because you have a different mindset.
#6. Let Her Argue With Anti Feminists
You should be prepared to watch her express her disagreements with someone who tries to challenge her feminism. It can be your best friend or even some random guy at the bar who just happens to express their anti-feminism views. Let her talk them down as it might make her feel better. If you try to stop her, you are just putting a control on her thoughts which will not turn out to be a good thing for your relationship. You can step up your game if it seems fit and side with her. You can tell the other person that they were wrong with their words and should take them back. She will feel supported that way and know she can be with you for a long time.
#7. Don't Talk About Discrimination Against Men
If you want to share your views about feminism and equality, do not try to gain similar sympathy for your male counterparts. Try not to tell your date how men have faced discrimination on similar grounds like women since the trend of male abuse is quite budding while women exploitation has continued to haunt the human race since time immemorial. This is not some fancy debate on who has faced more discrimination. Even if it were, women would win basis the statistics. So, try to not bring this topic into your discussions. It will save you the trouble of regretting your words later on.
#8. Give Her The Control In Bed
If you are dating a feminist, you should know that she will not let you leave the room until she also has an orgasm. The act cannot end when you want it to. If you are good in bed, you do not have to worry about this at all. But if you are not, you better learn how to make your woman happy. Also, let her take the control on the bed if she wants to. This will make her feel that you are not the typical male-chauvinist she has dated in the past.
#9. Keep Anti-Feminism Views To Yourself
There are some valid points you can put forward against feminism, but it will be better if you keep them to yourself on your first few dates. You will not want her to judge you as an anti-feminist without knowing you so well. It is not like you can never discuss the pros and cons of feminism in the entire span of your relationship. You just have to wait for the right moment. Do not rush to tell her how you feel about feminists if it is something that she might not like. Let her be familiar with other parts of you first.
We hope that we were able to give you some good tips about dating a feminist. If there is something that you want to add as an advice, feel free to drop a comment in the box below.
Image Courtesy - 1. ExpertBeacon 2. The Irish Times, 3. Huffington Post 4. Glamour; Smart Christian Woman Magazine (Featured Image)
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