An office break-up is sure to be a challenging time if your relationship was a long one and the break up was bad. Breakups are never pleasant especially when the person in question happens to be a colleague.
A failed office romance is bound to create a rather messy situation. It is unlike a regular breakup mostly because you have to maintain a cordial relationship with your ex because you work in the same place. You may have to work together and even talk to each other due to work commitments. Irrespective of how hard it may be, you will have to live up to your commitments.
Now that you have broken up, you need to ensure that your failed relationship does not affect your performance and productivity. Let your work be your priority. Do not let your break up affects your credibility and your professional image. Do not even think of quitting or moving to a new workplace even if it was a painful breakup. Don't jeopardize your career over something as trivial as a failed office romance.
Here’s how you can deal with a break up with a co-worker.
#1. Talk It Out
Talking is the best way to get out of any situation. No matter how badly things ended for you, remember that you do not want the break up to affect your professional lives. Discuss the implications and effects of ending your relationships in professional terms.
Form some general ground rules to make things easy for the both of you. You can always make mutual decisions regarding your workplace conversations which now can be formal and dignified. Discuss these issues openly and come out with joint consensus. This way you can ensure a quiet and smooth breakup.
#2. Keep It Professional
When you break up with a colleague, it becomes difficult to keep your personal and professional lives separate. But you will have to learn not to let your breakup interfere with your professional interactions, especially when you are part of the same team. You need to give the same respect to your ex just as you did when they were your colleague. Bashing out on each other or disagreeing to what your ex-suggested just because you had a bad break up, does not sound professional at all. Such behavior is downright immature and should be avoided as much as possible.
Maintain a dignified and composed behavior in your workplace. Breaking down is an absolute no-no. You might be upset, angry, jilted or heartbroken, always keep yourself composed. Steer clear from rebounds or going back to your ex will only complicate the matters further.
If you do have to communicate with them for work purposes, take care to maintain a professional attitude, especially in front of others. Don’t make silly comments about your ex’s looks or the way they work or any other thing. Dragging your personal problems in between your professional commitments is unprofessional.
#3. Let The Outsiders Stay Out
Your relationship was about you and your ex, keep it that way. It is unfair and unprofessional to drag other colleagues into your mess unnecessarily. Solve the issues between you two. When your ex is your colleague, it is better to avoid talking about your break up in the workplace. No one needs to know what is happening in your personal life. In fact, we would suggest that even if your colleagues ask you about your problems; try to avoid discussing it until you want your life from becoming the coffee machine gossip of the day.
#4. Maintain Distance
Everyone needs to give themselves some time and space to recover from a breakup. While it may be difficult to completely avoid your ex because you work in the same place, just try to maintain a considerable distance. Physical distance will squander the awkwardness faster. Cross out each other from office communicators if necessary.
#5. Return Their Stuff
Staying in a relationship for quite a while with a co-worker implies that you might have some of their things and they have yours. It is advisable that you return their stuff after you break up. You should return your co-worker’s possessions promptly as it will help you get over them easily.
Arrange a time and place to meet in private and return their belongings. Do not dump their stuff or be dramatic about expressing your emotions. Do not drive away or engage in any sort of immature behavior. This will only make you look stupid in front of everyone.
#6. Control Your Urges
After breaking up with someone that you work with, you need to give them some space, as well as take some space for yourself, too. Involve yourself with new buddies or spend more time with your old friends. Do not commit or volunteer to work on projects that involve their participation.
Don’t keep calling or sending emails to them to find out what they’re doing. Do not even think of spying on them or enlisting another co-worker to do so for you. Avert your eyes and resist the urge to talk whenever you pass from nearby.
Ensure a fair amount of physical and emotional distance between you. It will help you in comfortably function as colleagues again.
#7. Don’t Start Dating Anyone Else At Work
A rebound relationship is rare to bring you anything good and in fact, may just worsen the situations. We advise you against going into a rebound relationship after breaking up with a co-worker. The loneliness that you might be experiencing after the breakup might tempt you to get attracted or interested in someone else at the workplace. Better stay out of the dating scene at work for at least a few months after your breakup.
Rebound relationships rarely last long, and another break up will only ask you to go through the healing process all over again.
#8. Don’t Bad-Mouth Your Ex
Having ill-feelings for your ex is common to happen especially when you had a bad breakup. Do not let your personal conflicts reflect in your work. Don’t bad mouth your ex even if you are not happy with their behavior. You or your partner may start dating someone else, does not imply that you will start joking about your ex.
No matter how much anger or negative emotions begin to stir within you, avoid insulting them publically. Instead, just be thankful that your breakup will now allow you to look for better options.
#9. Avoid Unnecessary Competition
Do not think that the break up has only taken a toll on your health; your ex is going through the same and therefore you need to respect their space. Just because you are upset with the way things ended, you cannot express the disappointments through unnecessary competitions. You might be tempted to compete with them to show them that you are better, avoid doing it.
Just understand that it is just a waste of time and energy, especially if you don’t really want to take on any extra responsibilities.
#10. Don’t Try To Get Them Back
Perhaps you were still in love with your ex when you broke up but could not control the situation. You never wanted to break up in the first place or realized that you miss them as soon as you broke up. Do not resort to using sly tactics in the workplace to get your ex back. Avoid walking by their office or dress up to grab their attention. Try to respect their decision and stay out of their way to keep things simple and chaos free.
If you are genuinely interested in getting back together with your ex, just honestly talk to them about it. By doing this, you’ll increase your chances of surviving a breakup with a co-worker with little or no bumps or bruises. You two can seamlessly get back together, provided your partner is mature about the conversation.
Understand that maturity is the only key to keep your respect and image intact in your workplace. Handling a break up might get over your head if you do not keep calm about it. A failed office romance gets more difficult to handle because you cannot avoid seeing your ex. Just deal with it in your best capacities, is all we can say.
Have you ever dealt with a failed office romance? Let us know in the comment section below.
10 Opinions
Office romances without any doubt are the best. It just takes you back to your college days when you get to share your entire day with your partner, catching each other’s glimpse or meeting at the water cooler to catch up. Office romances are much more fun because they are often kept in the hiding (HR policies!). An office romance becomes your only motivation to wake yourself up from the cozy bed in the cold mornings. The longing to see your partner and talk to them keeps you going every day.
I too had a similar experience in my previous office. We were in the same team and thankfully the attraction was mutual. I would say that the romance was fun mostly because we were excited and nervous at the same time. We kept it in the hiding until we were pretty sure about it. Those coffee breaks, little giggles and waiting for him at the station summed up our relationship. Suddenly office seemed to be the best place in the best world, until! Until.. We broke up. Yes, our sweet little affair came to an end due to some misunderstandings. You know how office parties are.. Drunk adults behaving like kids. Same was our case.
Apparently my boyfriend was the hot piece in the office and one of our team members had a huge crush on him. She took her chances to flirt with him and things went a little wild. I could not bear the visuals of him being so close to someone else and thought that he too was interested. I broke up with him at the very moment without listening to ay of hid excuses.
Out breakup was worse than I expected. I had to see him in the office, sit with him and even talk during discussions or meetings. He tried explaining things but I was too annoyed to understand. Life became a living hell for me. The coffee breaks that I used to wait for now became too difficult to pass. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible but somehow we crashed into one another at some or the other time. Luckily enough, he didn’t turn out as a jerk and did something stupid in the office and neither did I. We kept our calm and stayed out of any such discussions in the office premises.
It was later when I was a little settled with the idea that we sat together to have a conversation. He made me understand the actual situation and apologized for being too involved. In my head I knew that I wanted him back and after hearing out his story we decided on giving the relationship another chance.
It’s been five years since it happened, and today I write this sitting beside my husband (“The Office Boyfriend”) who is also the CEO of our company. Our first fight brought us closer and in about a year he proposed. We got married and have recently started our own company.