Ghosting, as per the urban dictionary, is the act of suddenly terminating all the contact with a person you are dating. The basic intention behind this is dropping a subtle hint that you are not interested anymore without clearly telling it. So you hope that the other person will get the hint and stop disturbing you. Ghosting can be very disturbing for the people who have to face it. It can be very confusing as you never find out the reason why the other left you hanging. There is no reason for their actions which leave you feeling vulnerable. You start to doubt yourself for reasons which are not good.
You can avoid getting in such situations where your date disappears without any cognition. Look for the clear signs that can let you know that you are being ghosted or are about to. The major one that you can be sure about is when your conversations become single sided. You text and call them but all your efforts go in vain. You get no reply from their end. At first, it might be difficult to judge whether they are ignoring you or are just busy with something. Look up their social media accounts if they remain active on them. Check for recent updates, and if you see that they have been out partying with others, so you can be sure you have been ghosted.
Many of us are still unsure of the state of affairs. Then people go to the extent of finding a way of reaching the other to ask them out again. But if you have done this too and got stranded alone at the bar, you should be clear by now that your date is never coming back. They will tell you that they were busy for no real reason. Their slow replies will turn into no reply at all before you realize. So, what can you do to deal with the circumstances now that you have been ghosted?
#1. Be Sure You Have Been Ghosted
The signs of ghosting are very clear most of the times as your date fades away into the blue without any answers. But before judging the aspect, we suggest that you go ahead and make sure that what you are thinking is true. If your calls and texts go unanswered, that does not always necessarily mean that your lover has no intention of going out. You should keep in mind other factors too like they might have too much work pressure or might be having a family emergency. Always try to investigate about their absence at first if they have suddenly stopped replying. Once you know that they are still enjoying a normal life, you can be sure that you have been ghosted.
#2. Accept It
Dealing with a break up is never easy especially if it ends on such unnatural terms. When you are ghosted, you still keep up the false hope that they might just return with an apology. But let us face the truth that it is never happening. If they still wanted to be with, they might have just asked for a time-out instead of disappearing without a word. So accept that your lover does not wish to see you anymore. Move on with your life and do something better with it. Only when you accept the reality, you are able to move towards the healing process.
#3. Vent Out Anger On Them
If the ghosting has totally taken you out by shock and you are not able to move on, then you should get a good closure. The moment you start getting ignored by your lover, you should reach out to them and let them know that you are aware of their intentions. Leave a message for them on the source which was your main point of communication; Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Leave a message telling them how you think that they were a mean evil person to not confront you with the truth. Write anything that makes you feel better but make sure that you do not sound needy or the closure won't work.
#4. Break All Contact
After you have got the closure that you needed, do not continue sending hate messages to them. That will only make you feel terrible and you will want to avoid that from happening. It may be tempting to do something really bad to them, but it is better to break all points of contact with the person. This will control your future urge to talk to them or see them. It will seem difficult at first but convince yourself that it is for your own good.
#5. Delete Everything Related
When you are trying to move with your life and forget the ghost, you should remove them from your life completely. Delete their phone number so that you do not try to call them when you are under the influence of alcohol. In fact, remove their trace from everywhere you were connected on; Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and all other social media. This will make it impossible for you to go back and send them the last message again. Also mainly, it will stop them from contacting you ever in the future to apologize for what they did or just to get back at dating again. You do not want that to happen as it will bring you to square one of emotional turmoil. You never give a second chance to someone like that. So, it is better to delete them from everywhere. Even get rid of any photos that you have with them or any remaining memories.
#6. Stop Trying To Get A Reply
The best way to deal with ghosting is taking your steps back. If they have not already removed you from contacts, you can go ahead and get the good deed done. Do not keep waiting for a reply that is not going to come. Do not go around calling and texting them expecting them to answer. Just forget that they existed and get on with your work.
#1. Do Not Blame Yourself
People will end up thinking that something is wrong with them that their lover ended up ghosting them out. But that is something you should not be doing at all. Do not consider yourself to be at fault for someone else's mistakes. Stop wasting your time thinking where you went wrong and how you should improve yourself. It cannot be your fault that someone turned out to be a real coward and could not gather guts to face you with the truth. They chose to just disappear because they are not strong enough to have a conversation like mature beings that they want to end things.
#2. Look At The Positive Side
You should know that you are better off without them so stop being sad. Just imagine what good can a person be who cannot even break up properly. You do not need that sort of negativity in your life. Someone who ghosts you is better to be kept out of your life. If you are unable to get over the fact that they ditched you, just look at the positive side of it. Live your life like a happy single person would. Drink to your heart's content and party with your friends. Realize the fact that it is better to stay single than with a person who ghosts people.
#3. Have A Laugh At It
Once you are done with the moving over part, you should definitely laugh at all the stupidity that went on in your relationship with that ghost. Someone who cannot gather guts to break up in a relationship is a real loser. That person and their behavior deserves to be laughed at after you are done with the emotional phase. You can get back to your normal life and giggle at the thought of being with such a person.
#4. Find A Better Match
Do not lose the hope of finding a good person after your bad experience with ghosting. You should never give up on love because of some bad experiences. Give yourself the pleasure of being indulged in a meaningful relationship. If you can waste so much of your time with a ghost, it would be amazing to invest it now with someone who respects you and values your time. There are a lot of good people out there who are waiting for someone like you. So get out and be open for options. What better way to overcome ghosting than finding someone perfect for yourself to make you forget the bad past.
If you have any suggestion how one should deal with ghosting , do let us know in the comment section. You can share any personal stories that you have about ghosting in this dating world.
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10 Opinions
Ghosting in a relationship is a really dreadful phase which is horrible for both the people involved. I am telling this because I have been at both ends at some point. It is going to be difficult whether you are the ghoster or the ghostee. Definitely, the ghostee is going to be in the worse position. Everything falls on them without any prior indication. They are unprepared for the emotional catastrophe. That is why it is never okay to ghost someone you are dating. Think twice about how it might make them unstable in the future. They might also start having trust issues with other people they go out with. There are better ways of telling someone that you are not interested in them. It will be a better solution as compared to just disappearing from their life. It will be easier for both of you when it comes to emotional turmoil. There are few times when it is even Okay to ghost someone. Someone who has made you feel uncomfortable in some way does not stand to know the reason why you went away without telling. They do not deserve an explanation if they have been the bad guy with you.
I am not taking sides with the people who believe in ghosting as I am a really empathetic person. In fact, I have also gone through the horrific pain of being ghosted. But still, there was a guy who made my skin crawl and I ended up doing the same thing to him. I cut off all contact with him without any notice. From the first meeting onwards, I was not attracted to him at all because he was not the manly guy that I wanted. Even his accent and voice made my ears cringe. But anyways we went to his apartment for our first date where he cooked some average tasting spaghetti. He kept coming closer to me on the couch. I am not the type of person who would get so close on the first date. So clearly I showed my aversion to this behaviour which he did not get. I even avoided all eye contact for the fear that he would attempt to kiss me then. I left early with an excuse. I was clearly not going to go out with him again.
He kept sending those texts with a lot of emojis. I replied with one-word texts and then stopped replying at all. He ended up asking me out again with a lot of love emojis. I could not say no after all. But I had no intention of going. So I cooked up some work emergency and turned him down. I felt bad about doing this but I clearly could not see any other way of telling him that I did not like the way he was. That would have hurt his sentiments even more. I never texted him after that. I guess he got the idea after all without me telling it.