Relationship anxiety is not an uncommon experience these days as all of us feel anxious and do the rhetorical questioning which makes us turn on ourselves when we just cannot deal with the worry coursing through us. This happens when we long for things to become just like they were as we feel that little changes that have affected our behavior are signs of things to be worse instead of better.
Feelings of anxiety increase when communication is not as smooth as it used to be or the intense, passionate sex you used to have has fizzled out for the moment. All of us have been either the one who is insecure in the relationship or has to deal with the partner’s insecurity with both these things demanding one answer which is how do we prove that we are not going to betray our partner or have enough faith in our partner to worry about them betraying us?
#1. Voice Your Concern
One of the most important ways in which you can battle your relationship anxiety is by voicing your concern to your partner or a friend so that the negativity doesn’t force you to look down. When we tell our partner what is really bothering us, we usually get comforting words from them which ease up our anxiety and restore our faith in the relationship otherwise we will keep feeding ourselves fear which will destroy our self-esteem and drive us insane. We can all be victims of irrational thinking and can take wrong actions which are perpetuated by nothing but unfounded anxiety. Hidden resentments poison a relationship so if something bothers you be upfront and say it to deal with relationship anxiety.
#2. Reconnect
You may be the kind of person who hates admitting that he/she is wrong as it hurt your pride and makes you feel that you are unworthy of what all you have. If you are such a person, your partner may be no less as for your relationship to be possible compatibility was required. You can either look at the things that are infront of you like challenges that can be overcome or obstacles that will get the better of you. All relationships have their highs and lows and sometimes it is just that you are not making the first move because you cannot swallow your pride and want your partner to come to you when your partner is also not keen on swallowing his/her pride and won’t come to you. What a shame it would be not to hug the other person if he/she makes the first move. The best way to reconnect and limit your over thinking is to do something together which disperses your anxiety that tells you that both of you share experiences that make you happy as a couple.
#3. Don’t Chase Perfection
Your emotional state won’t always be the same as your partner’s, and this is generally the reason behind arguments and disagreements. You are brooding over something sad and are upset while your partner is thrilled about the new shirt he/she just bought, what do you think will happen in such a situation? Either you will sympathize with them, or they will be happy with you, someone will have to get out to their state so that they match the state of the other one. Exactly this kind of thinking can land you in trouble and make you anxious as you run the risk of being obsessed with matching the state of your partner. What you need to tell yourself is that it is okay to be in different emotional states and as individuals, you will fixate on things and be affected by them and them alone and your partner will able to witness it just from the outside. The heart can have a soft spot for more than one thing and keep the love for partner separate from the thing you are currently sentimental about.
#4. Tell Yourself That There Is Nothing To Fix
Stop being dramatic and lose your obsession with fixing things. Once you have known all the things that make your relationship along with the factors that affect it and play an important role, you can either respond in a way in which you attack yourself by telling yourself that whatever you are doing is limiting you or you can tell yourself that the task which you assigned yourself has been completed and mastered. When you tell yourself there is nothing to fix, you will learn that you are in control of the relationship just like it should be instead of the relationship being in your control.
#5. Be Aware, Not Wary
You have to be consciously aware of what is happening around you and sometimes see actions as just actions instead of reading too much into them. All you need to think about and know are yours and your partner's current feelings, and you will realize that even though the behavior is not the same the closeness and connection is far from being threatened. When you pay attention to the behavior of your partner, you are earning the self-confidence that you lost due to overthinking back as you know exactly what their needs are and what needs to be done to meet them. A partner who realizes that he/she cannot do everything for and with his/her partner wisens up and spend time otherwise when the person they love is engrossed in one of the activity he/she enjoys.
#6. Uphold Your Independence
It can be very difficult to see yourself as a separate person when you are so used to be seen together as a couple. Even in relationships in which there is a lot of love, you may need some privacy or at least an hour to collect and gather your thoughts and breathe the stress and tension out of your system. If you and your partner cannot do anything without worrying about the approval of the other, then soon you will be at each other’s throat lamenting the controlling behavior and grow insecure when you act against it. Be free and let them be free from time to time so that they appreciate both the freedom and the proximity.
(Also Read: How to Get Rid of Relationship Stress?)
#7. Monitor Yourself
Are you sleeping on time? Are you feeling depressed or sweating uncontrollably? Do you eat too fast because you are worrying excessively? Relationship anxiety can trigger the type of behavior which is unhealthy for you and if you don’t monitor it, it becomes a habit that you have to fight a lot to get rid of. If your anxiety manifests in such a way, it’s important that you consider the risks that practicing this behavior for a long time will bring and let go of this anxiety by talking to either your partner and family or seek professional help.
#8. Put Self-Doubt In its Place
The thoughts that he/she will leave me or cheat on me can be countless when you keep linking it with new faces over and over again drawing comparisons a breakneck speed. You need to tell yourself that you are good enough to have someone who is kind and strong and should not diminish yourself by thinking that you don’t deserve them. Even if they leave you, you tell yourself that you are prepared to handle their departure and will not sob inconsolably as you will not suffer over someone who doesn’t care for you.
#9. Practice Intimacy
Two things are very important in a relationship - communication and intimacy. When one is missing, you need to increase the frequency of the other to compensate and make your partner aware that you are trying to dismiss both yours and their fears over the relationship going downhill. Touching and embracing strengthens the emotional bond that you and your partner share and reconnects you with love in your heart inching closer to faith and security instead of insecurity. Intimacy is not only physical as it is never a bad idea to let your partner know that they should not worry about money or sex, two crucial aspects of adult life that can make or break a relationship. When you tell them they should not worry, it will help you to never worry about it yourself.
#10. Do New Things
You are all by yourself, and your partner is not available at the moment. What is it you can do? You can either sit by yourself, play some music, read a book or let your mind wander. When you let it wander, it will think of things of the past both recent past and the past you buried long ago and you will either scoff at what was being said and assert that what was said was not what is true or let fear and insecurity in by admitting the bad and terror implying things. Taking up new activities is always a good idea as it helps you draw the line that everything is good in your relationship and it is strong enough to handle a few small setbacks as you focus on the task that lies ahead and does not exaggerate and magnify the longing you have for your partner into something that keeps eating you from the inside. You can join a gym, go running, learn to cook if you don’t know or just talk to someone about their life while asserting yours is good.
While these were some tips to deal with relationship anxiety, how would you handle the situation? Would you follow a different strategy? Tell us about it!
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