You had a wonderful relationship with your ex but then things became rough and you broke up with them. Whether you were the one to ditch them or they did it, it is normal for you to feel sad about it. After all, you had such an amazing connection before things turned sour. What acts as a cherry on a cake is when you learn about your ex's impending marriage. The thought that they are not only happy with the person they are with but are even settling down can be disturbing. You will naturally begin to think that it was you who could not get to that stage with them. But you should remember that there was a particular reason due to which you had given up on them. The things that happened were for your own good. What is the benefit of having such lame thoughts now when you know that you were not at fault?
It is common to envy your ex even when you do not want them. But still seeing them with somebody else can set your world on fire. However, the level of anxiety depends on what stage of 'moving on' are you on. It depends on the fact whether you are still single or have found someone else to share your life. You will surely have some weird thoughts when you come to know about the good news in your ex's life. It is important that you overcome this anxiety before it makes you do some stupid things. Before we get to that, let us understand the major reasons why you are still hanging on the memories of your ex.
There are times when you are over with your relationship but are still not able to come to terms with the reality. You miss the morning texts when you wake up. You miss the good parts of being with them, and you forget why it all came to an end. Is this factor keeping you from moving on with your life? In such times, all you need to do is calm yourself and think. Try to remember why you could not survive being with them anymore!
Another reason that may be causing a problem for you is that you still follow them on social media. This can be harmful. Although it will feed your curiosity to know everything about their life, it will slow down the transition stage and keep you lingering on the 'move-on' phase. You have to make some necessary changes in order to realize that you have broken up. Delete all photos of you guys together on social media so that you do not keep seeing them. However, this is not a guaranteed way to move past the old relationship.
There are times when you follow all necessary actions to move on in life but yet experience low self-esteem. This could manifest in your life in case you are single for long after break up. While there is no logical reason behind the emotion, it could probably grow from the fear of being alone forever. Thus, it's advisable to throw such random thoughts out of the hat and stop beating yourself about it.
Now that you know these reasons, you have to stop doing these things and rather be a self-sufficient person. We are going to help you in this easy task of dealing with the news of your ex getting married like a pro. So read on.
#1. Feel The Emotions
It's okay to feel bad. You do not have to choke yourself by letting your feelings suffocate you. That is the worst way of handling this situation. Instead, you should accept the emotions of sorrow and loneliness. It is okay to feel the way you do. After all, that person was the most important one in your life at some point in time. You would have imagined being in the place of the bride/groom by their side. Embrace the sadness and cry it out loud. Once you are done with this, tell yourself that you won't bother yourself with this ever again.
#2. Keep Your Mutual Friends Away
If you have some common friends with your ex, you should set some limits with them. Let them know that you are not interested in knowing about your ex's marriage. Even if your friends say that the new girl is horrible and they don't look good together, it will still make you miss your ex. So try to avoid any conversation at all. If that does not seem likely, try to stay away from the people who are mutual friends so that you are not reminded of your ex's wedding day.
#3. Share Your Feelings
You can meet someone close to you who understands you well. Sit down and have a conversation with them about how you feel about your ex getting hitched. It could be anyone from your friends to your siblings or even your therapist if you see one. They will help you feel relaxed by telling you reasons why your ex is no good for you. They can act as a reminder that you should move on. Having a conversation where you open up your heart will help you get rid of these useless feelings.
#4. Do Not Stalk Them
Now that you know that your ex is going to get married, you will feel the constant urge to find out who their partner is. You have to control the urge of going through their social media accounts to find out how they are doing these days. It will be a futile effort only dragging you to feel miserable. Stop acting like a small kid, browsing through their photos and feeling hurt that you are not together anymore. Do not be a nagging ex here who cannot stop looking at their profile time and again. Stop stalking your ex if you want to move on in your life.
#5. Go Out With Friends
If you want to forget about your ex and their wedding day completely, we advise that you get busy with your own life. If you do not want to think about it, just keep your plate full with things. You won't have to worry about the silly thoughts that way. You should go and hang out with your friends. Have a fun-filled day with them and forget about your sad feelings. Friends are the best way to get through any bad phase of your life. So ring them up and make a rocking plan to hit the road.
#6. Remember The Reasons It Ended
With time, we often forget the reason why we couldn't tolerate our ex for long. We miss them because we forget all the horrible moments we had to go through with them and are blinded by the sugar-coated times when we were a happy couple. But you need to really give it a thought and remember the reasons why you took the difficult step to end your relationship with them. The best way to comprehend the situation and understand the reasons is by penning down your thoughts on why you are not the one getting married to them. Maybe they were too insecure or maybe did not give you enough time. Just write it down so you can deal with their marriage without being jealous or sad.
#7. Keep Yourself Busy
You can come up with a hobby or any activity that you enjoy doing so that you can keep yourself occupied. This is because you cannot have your loved ones to support you all the time. You have to deal with this on your own. You can join a sports club or start gymming. It will take all focus towards a much positive side - your health and fitness. If you are a reader, it can be a book club instead of some sport. It is your call, do anything that will keep your mind from thinking about your ex getting married.
#8. Remove Them From Your Newsfeed
We advise that you unfollow them on Facebook, Instagram or any other social media where you are connected. You will not get any updates about their wedding cards and venue being finalized because honestly, you do not need to know all this. So do a favor for yourself and stop checking out their updates for some time. Change the setting to not getting any notifications from your ex if they put up any new posts.
#9. Do Not Contact Your Ex
You will feel the urge to contact your ex once you hear the news of their wedding. But unless you ended on good terms, this is not such a good idea. You will end up saying negative things to them in the end, after your congratulations. Things might get even worse. This will leave you feeling devasted. So, avoid yourself the trouble of going through the pain of pretending to be happy about their marriage. Just leave them be. Enjoy your own life and forget about them now.
Did you ever have to go through a painful phase of dealing with your ex getting married? Let us know in the comments how you handled the situation.
Also do let us know if these tips were able to help you with your situation. Any other suggestions are also welcome in the comment box. We would love to hear from you.
10 Opinions
So your ex is going to tie knots with someone else. But why would that matter to you? You broke with them and moved on with your own life. You even started dating other people. It did not hurt you so much to stay away from but it does now that you know that they are spending a happy life with someone else. They are in fact so happy that they have decided to get married. You are still sitting in your room not knowing what to do with your life yet. Something similar happened to me as when John was getting married. I was spending this very normal day surfing through Facebook and there I see a photo of him putting a ring on some girl I do not even recognize. There it dawned on that I was actually feeling bad seeing him happy with someone else. I actually thought that he would be living a miserable life without me but this did not look miserable. The photo had a caption "with the love of my life" with a heart emoji. Now how could he go on and be so happy with another girl?
I was also having a happy relationship with my boyfriend but then why was I having these unknown sad feelings inside me. I realized that past relationship always have a hold on us no matter if you have moved on to your new life and are spending happy days. Seeing them getting married will make you jealous and angry at the same time. You will be reminded of all the special moments you shared with them. It becomes a little difficult to digest the fact that he has a better chemistry with a girl who is not you. But difficult or not, I had to digest the fact that my ex was getting married.
I was taken aback at first thinking if my feelings meant that I was still in love with him. But then I began to realize all the reasons because of which we had broken up with each other. I was unlikely that I still wanted to be with John. He was not someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Once I had come to terms with this thought, I knew that these strange feeling had nothing to do with me. These feelings are common to everyone who gets the news of their ex getting married. So, I just decided that I would rather feel happy for him that he had found someone good. That is the lesson that someday I will be having all this happiness too. Since I knew that all these feelings were nothing but kiddish, I did not share them with my boyfriend. I would not want him to worry losing me without a cause. I knew that I liked being with him but this news was just a sad phase for me. It had nothing to do with him. I did not want him to think that I still wanted to be with my ex. That was not real. But, anyways I got over this weird feeling in some days and things became normal again.