Living and coping with toxic people isn't an easy task, especially when they are your parents. It is not simple but somehow bearable. You don't let your emotions show and assume that to be the best practice for dealing with toxic parents. But, you need to understand that this is not how to deal with toxic parents! You need to try and put yourself and your priorities first to cope with toxic parents and related situations. Safe space is what you need to develop right away and here are some toxic parent’s signs to confirm if you're suffering from this or not.
Toxic Parent Signs
Toxic parents are the ones who come in several forms. They are just too obvious that they can even be spotted from the space. Some are destructive while the others may be subtle. They manipulate, lie, humiliate, control, abuse and neglect. You might get an A grade, but they would expect A++. You might achieve A++, but they would still wonder why you aren’t the school or college captain.
#1. Their Feelings Are Worthy Than Yours
When the relationship amongst the families is harmless, things go about in a much easier way. But when parents are toxic, they value their own emotions much more than anyone else. Everyone else's feelings are suppressed, and they believe in being volatile as well as loud.
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#2. They Want You To Conceal Their Enigmas
Toxicity in parents can be spotted from this particular behavior - they have issues, and they ask you to mask it in front of other people. There is addiction along with secrecy and concealment by you on their behalf. Such a behavior affects the children where they cannot maintain trust on anyone, they feel embarrassed and also feel isolated.
#3. You Are Controlled With Monetary Benefits
Dealing with toxic parents doesn't come easy. In fact, they are the ones who control you! They start threatening you if money is one factor you are relying on them for. You are intimidated and are asked to obey rules, else they refuse to support.
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#4. They Deny Letting You Grow
Coping with toxic parents is difficult when they resist your independence and refuse to ever let you grow. Daddy's girl or mamma's boy is okay until a specific level, but it gets frustrating when they always retain that control over you. They get offended when you take decisions for yourself or undermine their decisions.
#5. They Do Not Accept Your Boundaries
This is a pretty creepy element of toxic parents and very much relatable. The door you shut gets opened at any point of time without knocking. You can be contacted on the phone regardless of your work/ sleep hours. And they can say anything (even the embarrassing ones) that too in public. You will have to stay by their thought, else they react with anger, denial, confusion or even play the guilt game.
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#6. Insane Passive Aggression
Passive aggression is aggression that gets out in a socially acceptable manner. Toxic parents who are passive aggressive retain a hold over the family dynamics and refuse to express anger in a violent manner. However, that "I am fine" at the dinner table, but the sulking behavior is equally aggressive as well as passive.
#7. You Are Still Scared Of Them
So, toxic parents even scare you in your adulthood. Not that they indulge into witchcraft, but they frighten you for not obeying their instructions. They compromise your tranquility, and you start getting scared regarding what might happen if you opted for a different choice. You are so in the habit that these things don't affect you anymore, but also start to display in your personal behavior.
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How To Deal With Toxic Parents
#1. Learn About Toxic Parents
It is very important for you to understand what personality traits toxic parents have, how it affects the people around and how to change the ever-existing pattern. Anything you come across might just increase your knowledge. Toxicity is not a disease but is just a behavioral problem that can be corrected over time.
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#2. Accept That Not All Parents Are Teachers
You need to come to terms with the fact that not all parents are teachers. They definitely teach you about the essentials of survival in this big (bad or good) world, and we do respect and love our parents for what they do for us. But some parents did not have a firm rooting, and that's how the chain continues. They felt disconnected with their own parents, and the same somehow appears in the connection they share with you. We are present in a world of limitless potentials, and there you are dealing with an emotional turmoil. So, just accept that your parents are special, but you don't have to allow everything they throw at you.
#3. Script Your Responses
Daddy's little girl tends to lack the understanding of how and what to respond to her toxic parents. So, you might want to consult a friend to assist you in drafting out a set of responses that are excellent and make you feel prepared to whatever such parents throw at you. Believe us, this technique works! You exactly get to know how to respond and avoid awkward situations. You expose yourself to the techniques of adulthood as opposed to the child you've always been.
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#4. Find Space For Personal Emotions
In toxic families, there are high chances that kids are not given a fair chance for expressing their emotions. What was happening when such kids were growing up under the influence of toxic parents is a topic they might never discuss with anyone. They accept that there's no way out even till their adulthood. But this is not helpful in any way. Carving out that space for your own emotions is significant and sharing the same with someone, maybe a therapist would let you find peace.
#5. Discover Your Boundaries
So, in case you don't have a fully developed understanding of what your zone or boundaries are, then you first need to work on it. Define your space and know where to draw the line. It is a healthy practice to consider. You should try and separate yourself from your toxic parents and their ideas of you being solely dependent on them!
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#6. Differentiate Between Abuse And Toxicity
One way to deal with toxic parents is to understand the difference between toxicity and any kind of abuse. Toxic parents might create a highly temperamental environment, they might be judgmental, invalidate your view points, but all of this is different from an abusive relationship. Be it verbal abuse or physical and emotional; it threatens your security and overall well-being. Abusive relations are definitely toxic, but not all toxic relationships are abusive. Adjusting with toxic parents is far easier than adjusting with abusive parents. The dynamics that an abusive relationship involves are far intricate than what toxicity imposes.
#7. Want To Cope With Toxic Parents? Opt For A Therapy Session!
Well, you may or may not believe in therapy sessions, but there are tremendous benefits. Find a person who is highly professional and best with his/ her work and give the practice a chance. They can effectively guide you through the process of dealing with toxic parents.
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#8. Don't Let Them Do It This Way
When you allow people to behave in a certain manner, it is an indication for them on how you can be treated anytime. But people also learn from what you stop and what you reinforce in a situation. So, if you are allowing your parents to treat you in a certain way, you are allowing them to do so whenever they like. But when you stop them, let them know it hurts and that is how you can inculcate the idea of what is right and how much is acceptable. Such boundaries aren't easy to put, but these definitely portray the love you have for your own self. And since you really love yourself, it is the reason why you feel the toxicity is harming your inner peace! When there is self-doubt and no self-love, such situations do not affect you emotionally, and you just accept what comes to you as it is.
#9. Distance Yourself
Sometimes all you have to do is not deal with toxic parents. Instead, you can just distance yourself from them and calm the situation. Limit your engagement with parents, do not get into arguments with people who consider themselves as superiors and who do not appreciate your views. Analyze which of your behavior triggers their uncontrollable attitude, because not all toxic parents can be changed, but triggers can absolutely be avoided. Manage the way you react to those triggers and save yourself from emotional drainage. Simply walk away from unhealthy circumstances, indulge in yoga or meditation, spend time with positive people, foster connections with newer people and establish yourself.
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