How to Deal with Toxic Parents?

2,403 Views Updated: 13 Sep 2017
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How to Deal with Toxic Parents?

Living and coping with toxic people isn't an easy task, especially when they are your parents. It is not simple but somehow bearable. You don't let your emotions show and assume that to be the best practice for dealing with toxic parents. But, you need to understand that this is not how to deal with toxic parents! You need to try and put yourself and your priorities first to cope with toxic parents and related situations. Safe space is what you need to develop right away and here are some toxic parent’s signs to confirm if you're suffering from this or not. 

Toxic Parent Signs

Toxic parents are the ones who come in several forms. They are just too obvious that they can even be spotted from the space. Some are destructive while the others may be subtle. They manipulate, lie, humiliate, control, abuse and neglect. You might get an A grade, but they would expect A++. You might achieve A++, but they would still wonder why you aren’t the school or college captain.

#1. Their Feelings Are Worthy Than Yours

When the relationship amongst the families is harmless, things go about in a much easier way. But when parents are toxic, they value their own emotions much more than anyone else. Everyone else's feelings are suppressed, and they believe in being volatile as well as loud.

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#2. They Want You To Conceal Their Enigmas

Toxicity in parents can be spotted from this particular behavior - they have issues, and they ask you to mask it in front of other people. There is addiction along with secrecy and concealment by you on their behalf. Such a behavior affects the children where they cannot maintain trust on anyone, they feel embarrassed and also feel isolated.

#3. You Are Controlled With Monetary Benefits

Dealing with toxic parents doesn't come easy. In fact, they are the ones who control you! They start threatening you if money is one factor you are relying on them for. You are intimidated and are asked to obey rules, else they refuse to support.

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#4. They Deny Letting You Grow

Coping with toxic parents is difficult when they resist your independence and refuse to ever let you grow. Daddy's girl or mamma's boy is okay until a specific level, but it gets frustrating when they always retain that control over you. They get offended when you take decisions for yourself or undermine their decisions.

#5. They Do Not Accept Your Boundaries

This is a pretty creepy element of toxic parents and very much relatable. The door you shut gets opened at any point of time without knocking. You can be contacted on the phone regardless of your work/ sleep hours. And they can say anything (even the embarrassing ones) that too in public. You will have to stay by their thought, else they react with anger, denial, confusion or even play the guilt game.

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#6. Insane Passive Aggression

Passive aggression is aggression that gets out in a socially acceptable manner. Toxic parents who are passive aggressive retain a hold over the family dynamics and refuse to express anger in a violent manner. However, that "I am fine" at the dinner table, but the sulking behavior is equally aggressive as well as passive.

#7. You Are Still Scared Of Them

So, toxic parents even scare you in your adulthood. Not that they indulge into witchcraft, but they frighten you for not obeying their instructions. They compromise your tranquility, and you start getting scared regarding what might happen if you opted for a different choice. You are so in the habit that these things don't affect you anymore, but also start to display in your personal behavior.

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(Image Courtesy: Advantage 4 Parents)

How To Deal With Toxic Parents

#1. Learn About Toxic Parents

It is very important for you to understand what personality traits toxic parents have, how it affects the people around and how to change the ever-existing pattern. Anything you come across might just increase your knowledge. Toxicity is not a disease but is just a behavioral problem that can be corrected over time. 

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#2. Accept That Not All Parents Are Teachers

You need to come to terms with the fact that not all parents are teachers. They definitely teach you about the essentials of survival in this big (bad or good) world, and we do respect and love our parents for what they do for us. But some parents did not have a firm rooting, and that's how the chain continues. They felt disconnected with their own parents, and the same somehow appears in the connection they share with you. We are present in a world of limitless potentials, and there you are dealing with an emotional turmoil. So, just accept that your parents are special, but you don't have to allow everything they throw at you.

#3. Script Your Responses

Daddy's little girl tends to lack the understanding of how and what to respond to her toxic parents. So, you might want to consult a friend to assist you in drafting out a set of responses that are excellent and make you feel prepared to whatever such parents throw at you. Believe us, this technique works! You exactly get to know how to respond and avoid awkward situations. You expose yourself to the techniques of adulthood as opposed to the child you've always been.

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#4. Find Space For Personal Emotions

In toxic families, there are high chances that kids are not given a fair chance for expressing their emotions. What was happening when such kids were growing up under the influence of toxic parents is a topic they might never discuss with anyone. They accept that there's no way out even till their adulthood. But this is not helpful in any way. Carving out that space for your own emotions is significant and sharing the same with someone, maybe a therapist would let you find peace. 

#5. Discover Your Boundaries

So, in case you don't have a fully developed understanding of what your zone or boundaries are, then you first need to work on it. Define your space and know where to draw the line. It is a healthy practice to consider. You should try and separate yourself from your toxic parents and their ideas of you being solely dependent on them!

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#6. Differentiate Between Abuse And Toxicity

One way to deal with toxic parents is to understand the difference between toxicity and any kind of abuse. Toxic parents might create a highly temperamental environment, they might be judgmental, invalidate your view points, but all of this is different from an abusive relationship. Be it verbal abuse or physical and emotional; it threatens your security and overall well-being. Abusive relations are definitely toxic, but not all toxic relationships are abusive. Adjusting with toxic parents is far easier than adjusting with abusive parents. The dynamics that an abusive relationship involves are far intricate than what toxicity imposes.

#7. Want To Cope With Toxic Parents? Opt For A Therapy Session!

Well, you may or may not believe in therapy sessions, but there are tremendous benefits. Find a person who is highly professional and best with his/ her work and give the practice a chance. They can effectively guide you through the process of dealing with toxic parents.

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#8. Don't Let Them Do It This Way

When you allow people to behave in a certain manner, it is an indication for them on how you can be treated anytime. But people also learn from what you stop and what you reinforce in a situation. So, if you are allowing your parents to treat you in a certain way, you are allowing them to do so whenever they like. But when you stop them, let them know it hurts and that is how you can inculcate the idea of what is right and how much is acceptable. Such boundaries aren't easy to put, but these definitely portray the love you have for your own self. And since you really love yourself, it is the reason why you feel the toxicity is harming your inner peace! When there is self-doubt and no self-love, such situations do not affect you emotionally, and you just accept what comes to you as it is.

#9. Distance Yourself

Sometimes all you have to do is not deal with toxic parents. Instead, you can just distance yourself from them and calm the situation. Limit your engagement with parents, do not get into arguments with people who consider themselves as superiors and who do not appreciate your views. Analyze which of your behavior triggers their uncontrollable attitude, because not all toxic parents can be changed, but triggers can absolutely be avoided. Manage the way you react to those triggers and save yourself from emotional drainage. Simply walk away from unhealthy circumstances, indulge in yoga or meditation, spend time with positive people, foster connections with newer people and establish yourself.

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Liked what you just read? Want to read more such interesting and informational stuff? Let us know through the comment section below. We would love to hear from you!

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Calling our parents as toxic and difficult would really be an offending and wrong term. They are the ones who help us develop and survive throughout the life. They are not only our first teachers but they also guide us into developing on an emotional, physical, social, financial and education level. And they have fully trained us to adapt to this hard life style along with the future challenges.

They make us differentiate between the actualities of what is right and what is not right. And not to forget, they are the ones who make every situation seem easy. Their involvement in our lives is what makes us capable of getting out of our dependency shells. And calling someone so supportive as toxic is just not done.

Even if some of them put themselves above all others, it's not that big of a problem. Some of the kids these days are exactly the same. They put themselves and their priorities above all infect even above their parents. So it’s an equal balance of toxic people. Parents aren't liable of behaving in a certain manner or always taking care of their kids.

Family is definitely an integral part in anyone's life, but there are no rules and regulations to be imposed in the relationships. Rules are for games and game isn't what a family is. I do not disagree with the fact that such parents do create a fuss all the time. But if you are daddy's little girl or Mamma's boy or if they still consider you as a kid then it's better to call them over protective and not toxic.

Parents are after all human beings who might sooner or later realise their mistakes. So it's always easy to change their behavior. You just need to resort towards effective techniques that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings nor would hamper the environment. It is not a Forever phase. Even the most overly protective parent would and has to come in terms with the fact that all their kids are grown up and they are capable enough of taking decisions for their betterment.

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