Everyone experiences anger or frustration and it is an inevitable part of our existence. The levels might vary from low to moderate and extreme. But the emotion essentially remains the same. It typically is about experiencing constant or temporary dissatisfaction that gives rise to the feelings of resentment. However, anger can also be good in situations where you sense something isn't right and an internal alarm rings to let you fight against the inequitable.
Anger is often called as the secondary emotion of all living beings. A secondary emotion usually arises from the reaction that's been initiated from several other primary emotions like frustration, rejection or humiliation. We first feel forced, trapped, attacked, offended and pressurized to instantly feel angry. Think of it as an iceberg, the 10% visibility above the water line is because of the 90% emotions that exist below the same. We resort towards anger to cover up our vulnerabilities. And we always feel in a different manner before we witness anger.
There are several factors that can lead to anger in a particular situation. Anger is a temporary madness. But one should also understand that where there is anger, there also subsides some kind of pain underneath. And here are a few reasons that result in uncontrolled and hurtful anger:
#1. The protection of family members
#2. For preventing the loss of any possessions
#3. Sexual frustrations
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#4. Hunger, pain, tiredness or failure
#5. Injustice
#6. Use or withdrawal of drugs, alcohol or medications
#7. Physical/ mental ailments
#8. Bullying or humiliation
#9. Routine stress and anxiety
#10. Infidelity
There are several other emotions and circumstances that drive in anger. And, at times, it is hard to notice anything else. But, what factors really trigger the rage can only be explored by you. You will have to pay attention to your thoughts as they are the ones usually fueling all other emotions.
Whenever you are being angry in a situation, and you constantly keep doing that, it can lead to several physical or emotional illnesses in the longer run. Unmanaged and recurring stress along with anger can not only lead to metabolic changes but also kill you if the situation remains the same. But, when you know how to be under control, you are freeing yourself from the below mentioned (potential) dangers.
#1. Hypertension/ high blood pressure
#2. Heart attack
#3. Irritable bowel syndrome
#4. Headache
#5. Depression and moodiness
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#6. Insomnia
#7. Weakening immune system
#8. Self-injury
#9. Lowering self-esteem
#10. Stroke
Coping with anger is a skill that can be acquired over the time. Therefore, anger management is basically the process of controlling your anger in just any given circumstance. It makes you capable enough to recognize the signs that trigger your anger and subsequently help you control the same. You start taking the required actions to calm yourself. It also encourages you to hold in your anger. And by "in" we don't mean that it suppresses your emotion which would come out in an inappropriate manner later on.
Anger is a normal phenomenon that can also be healthy when expressed appropriately. Therefore, even when you feel like expressing the anger, you exactly know how to do so! You can easily redirect your energy into something that resourcefully utilizes the same.
All our lives, we have heard people telling us not to get angry or that anger is not good for our health. But, least do we realize that no one really told us how to stop this emotion from taking a toll on our lives. Therefore, here is how to deal with anger issues at work and what are the ways to controll anger effectively.
#1. Talk About Your Problems
Sometimes, all you need to do is just talk with a colleague, superior or any reliable person at work about what all problems you are facing. It isn't necessary that they might have solutions. But you might unexpectedly find answers while discussing your issues. And this is also a required step to not let your concerns go unnoticed and/ or unaddressed.
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#2. Proactive Dealing
Yes, you need to be vocal about what is exactly troubling you. Just yelling at people won't work. you need to take proactive steps and rectify the source of your frustrations. Therefore, propose newer initiatives to improve the professional environment.
#3. Engagements After Work
You need to start engaging with your employees or colleagues after the working hours. Why? Won't this break your professional line of hierarchy? No! It will, in fact, help you know them more and you will also be able to establish better approachability for sorting out the causes of your disappointments or stress. So, start getting involved in work events or go out for group lunch/ dinner to know where things are going wrong.
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#4. Maintain An Anger Diary
One way to avoid being angry in a situation is to get rid of the potential triggers. But what if you don't know what is triggering such emotions? Start recording your feelings! In a particular episode, note what happened before you got angry, note down what your reactions were and what helped you cope with it. This way, you will understand what actually worked in that situation and what did not. You can devise a better anger management plan, and therefore it will also help you modify your thoughts. All your anger problems start with the way you think, hence thoughts shouldn't be so powerful that they overtake your progress curve.
#5. They Aren't Mind Readers
Sharing your problems with a colleague is one thing. But sharing it with the one you are concerned about is entirely a different thing. Let them know what is irritating you, what you feel and how you feel. Do not assume them to be a mind reader.
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You never know, the other person was just following the way he/ she usually does but you are actually the odd one out. Everyone has a different perspective while you are working in a professional environment. And assumptions are the termites of every association. Therefore, you shouldn't be bothered unless you aren't discussing the problems.
#6. See The Bigger Picture
When you are working in a company, there are enormous historical timeframes involved behind making things the way they are right now. So, you will have to look at the things even from the organization's point of view. Sometimes, the things that are bothering you are the things that can be taken on a lighter note to avoid all the hassles. Maybe, you are just trying to abide by the rules, but when you try to see the bigger and clearer picture, none of it would actually be required.
#7. Design Positive Conversations For Stating Your Position
Get very specific when it comes to this aspect of anger management. Design a conversation plan to outline your current situation. Note the answers to questions like what are you doing well with, where you are lacking and what you want to see changed. Once you are clear with this aspect, propose a conclusion.
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Focus on realistic ways where you can make not only yourself but even the organization successful. Let this plan be the strongest and this way you can have a great conversation with your boss if there is any anger or ego related issue with the management.
#8. Believe In your Abilities
What may ever be the situation, you have to keep believing in your abilities. When there is self-doubt, feelings of frustration become stronger. You don't have to portray defeat but show the feelings of oneness with your abilities. When you recognize this fact, you will be in a better state of mind which also help you keep moving forward.
#9. Find The Silver Lining
Finding a little positivity in the situation might help you improve your perspective. Take for example this little incident, if you have a meeting with your boss and he/ she is late for the same, do not get frustrated for the time you think is being wasted. Instead, channelize your thoughts into thinking about the extra time (for preparation) that you've got before the meeting begins.
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#10. Go For Calming techniques
If you feel anger is on its way, try to calm yourself by spending some time alone. Get away from others, close your eyes, take a deep breath and free yourself from the emotional/ mental tensions. Learn the art of developing emotional intelligence to have a control over your sentiments. Initially, you might get even more frustrated, but with practice, you will know the benefits. Also, opt for yoga or meditation to let you stay calm and composed even otherwise.
There should be a sense of control but the excessive desire only leads to suffering. It is impossible to be in control. However, letting your emotions out in a subtle manner is the key. Liked what you just read? Want to read more such informational stuff? Would you like to share any of your personal experiences or opinions? Let us know through the comment section below. We would love to hear from you!
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There are several different ways in which both men and women respond to frustration and/ or anger at work. Some assume to quit at an early stage whereas the others make stern efforts to do their best and change their circumstances in a highly thoughtful manner. If anyone has ever been in a situation where they wanted to quit, could not focus well on their work, could not deal with frustration and were drowning in their own thoughts, here is a little piece of an advice.
None of your fellow co-workers are demeaning nor is your manager or supervisor. What actually make you sink are your thoughts as well as your assumptions. You take up a new profession or a new task at the current job thinking that you will be giving it your best. But as time proceeds, you realize that nothing goes as expected. So, you either miserably sink into the pit of desolation, run away from your responsibilities or resort to hurtful ways for dealing with others. But fortunately, you really don't need to do any of it. However, your concerns are definitely genuine, but don't you think quitting or constant worrying is never a good idea? For a fulfilling career, struggles are a very real part to take you forward on the success ladder. Therefore, take an opportunity to flex all your muscles and develop or enhance the ability to literally advocate yourself at the workplace.
Negative perspectives can easily balloon and overtake even the strongest positive thought. But, you need to make your mechanism even more powerful that nothing can obstruct the real view. As the writer of this article says, be an unbiased human and keep a stock of all the things that are not working along with the things that worked and still are. Don't just lose sight of the circumstances that are also helping you grow or give at least one reason to cherish the situation. You might not want to get into any arguments with your superior, but that was inevitable. Don't take it personally and analyze the good in it. Maybe your negotiation skills were at a test or maybe you gave a better clarity to them about your working which was otherwise not really apparent.
Giving up is okay if it's a temporary thought. But if you let a negative situation overshadow the stock of benefits you have, then it creates troubles. Stop whining, please. Move your butt to stand and look out for solutions. That's how work-life works! Random thoughts that make you upset or angry are powerful, but you need to approach each one of them in a different manner so as to not let them intimidate your progress. I agree with every word of this article. One shouldn't leave their power to believe in self just because they feel defeated in a particular situation or they are unable to deal with it. When you have that faith in your abilities even after the most difficult situation, people start seeing you in an altogether different kind of a light. When you have the key to overcome fears and frustration at work, you make more friends, handle assignments strategically and also converse better with colleagues and managers. One day you will also realize that this is the thing you always wanted to do! Indispensable and true!
How to plan a Happy Retirement?
I somewhat agree with the comment of the writer on the change of definition of comfort. “The definition of a comfortable life has changed a lot in the last couple of decades, and we have replaced spiritual happiness with materialistic happiness.”
For every moment in your life which you expect to be happy, there’s a lot of planning behind your loved ones. Money might not be the source of happiness, but it definitely is inevitable to extend the life of the happiness. I often get questions from my peers and my junior colleagues as why is money the primary element of happy retirement? I ask them to try and live a day without money. You can ignore money for a certain period but in the long run, money is equivalent to the blood flow in our body, if any of the two stops, we die.
We all have parents who’re enjoying their retirement life, and for someone who is asking for the best tips for a happy retirement, or why money is important for a peaceful retirement, you have an experienced professional to answer all your queries in your family. Go and ask them about their experience till now, get your doubts cleared, and learn from them and their mistakes.
In the end, all I would say is, the best way to ensure peace of mind post-retirement and live without any compromises is to work hard for it today. Invest in as many places as you can, and on thing which can yield highest return on investment.
Below are few things where you can invest on for maximum ROI.
Peer to Peer Lending. High Interest Savings like provident fund, retirement policies, and fixed
deposits, credit card rewards, annuities, and money market funds.
Treasury Inflation Protected Securities, Municipal Bonds which can be redeemed later to use in
case of emergencies, Retirement specific savings accounts which can yield maximum returns
and you don’t have to pay taxes before using the money from these accounts as they are
pre-taxed.Renting your house for a subsequent amount of regular money is also a good idea if
you’re living alone in a large house.
Also, being a US resident, reverse mortgage loan, as the writer has suggested in his article, is a
feasible option to fund the retirement for those who are living independently, or don’t have kids
who they can pass on their assets to after their death.
Thinking of dropping out of college, should you or shouldn't you?
I don’t think that a person should ever drop out of college. I’m saying this, because I did and what followed was a life full of darkness. I was young and all pumped to have my own business and company. I thought I had the perfect idea and now all I needed was to get some good investors to fund my idea.
In order to do that, I dropped out of college to begin my pursuit of that investor who could change my life. I set out, knocking several door bells to no avail. I was still patient and hoped that things would get better for me. A year passed by and then two and I was yet to get a single dollar invested in my idea.
As the days kept on going by, I started to lose hope until it came to the point where I started seeing myself as a failure in life that would never have anything. I talked to my family, my relatives, and my friends, all of whom had advised me not to drop out of college. Now, all they had to say was that it was too late and that I have to think of another idea to begin with.
I thought I had the perfect plan, I thought I was the prince the Silicon Valley had been waiting for. But, like most of my assumptions, this too went down to the drain. I soon started working on a new idea, a new mobile app which got some funding; enough for me to start my company. I would say that I got lucky, but I still don’t know if what would my life had been like had I completed my college and built a proper and solid professional network while studying.
As time passed by, one thing became clear to me that to be successful, you don’t necessarily have to drop out of college. Clearly, when I set out on my journey to launch the next big company that would change the world, I got a lot of things wrong. But perhaps that is the beauty of being young. I was lucky that I got an investor, and so were Steve, Bill and Mark. But, are you one of those three? Even if you are, I would advise you to stay in college, be a good kid, and get a degree. You will have enough time to venture into your entrepreneurial idea once college is over. What more? You can work on your idea in the vacations too. You got to make the best out of what you have. That is certainly the best way to go about it.
So, in conclusion, I would like to say that please don’t be a college dropout. The society literally looks down at you. You can open a company like Apple and Microsoft even if you don’t drop out of college. And, always remember that there is nothing ‘cool’ with dropping out of college. It is a serious issue and will push your life into a darker world.
How to Stop being jealous of someone?
A very important topic covered in great detail. It was amusing to see the writer unravel such minute details about jealousy while also highlighting the functioning of human psyche. Jealousy is definitely one of the most natural feelings along with being the complex one. While you can curb the feelings of anger, and sorrow, controlling jealousy is surely a difficult task.
But, as the writer points out, jealousy has to be controlled in order to save a person’s relationships. Jealousy can change a lot of things and no matter how much love you have for your partner, if you’re jealous, your relationship will surely take a hit.
I loved the ways to curb jealousy mentioned in this article. When the writer says, “When you are jealous of someone, you count the number of blessings they have while being absolutely ignorant of your own blessings,” it makes absolute sense. People often forget to see how lucky they are as they’re too busy comparing their lives with others.
Back in the day, I was in a relationship that was crippled out due to my jealousy. It is still painful when I look back and imagine the relationship that could have been. Unfortunately for me, I could never let go of my jealous and insecure nature and that ultimately spelled the doom of my relationship.
One fine day, I saw my partner walking down the street with another person. It was a chilly winter night. When I saw them from distance, I almost couldn’t believe it and sprinted towards them. When I got closer, I saw, he was just her best friend. But, she understood why I followed her and a huge fight followed the entire incident. I will never forget that long fight we had as it ended my 3 year long relationship.
To anyone reading this article and this comment, I would want to tell only one thing: If you’re jealous of your partner, please let them know. Talk to them about your insecurities and I’m sure that you guys would be able to get a solution out of it.
When the writer talks about the difference between comparison and competition, a very strong point is made. Our entire society has been set up around the grounds of comparing people. In school, the best students are compared and in office, the best employees. Essentially, human beings are surrounded by comparisons around their lives. I believe it is because of this that the feeling of jealousy is so engrained in all of us. I’m yet to meet a human being who is not jealous of the success of his/her friends.
But, what does all of this mean? Is jealousy such a big thing that we allow it to destroy our relationships and friendships? I don’t think it is. We should nurture the relationships we have and should never be jealous of our friends and even other people. We should all be good and responsible people. It’s not hard to appreciate people. All it takes is a kind heart and some kind words. It is literally that simple. As we keep on helping other people, I’m sure we’ll soon be bereft of the feeling of jealousy.