Every single one of us has been yelled at some point in our life or the other; whether it was the manager at work taking out his frustration, friend losing his temper at something trivial or parent getting mad on the behavior. For many, mostly it is the angry girlfriend who is losing it after she had to wait for a few minutes.
Yelling is something that people quite often do when they are angry . While getting yelled at is never a good feeling, sometimes there’s nothing that can be done about it, like in the last scenario presented above. However, such is not the case every time. Being screamed at may leave you frightened, intimidated and with a diminished ability to respond appropriately but with a little bit of strength, you can keep the situation from getting out of hand. This is how you should react when someone is shouting or yelling at you.
Sometimes, the most difficult thing to do while being yelled at is remaining calm but that can also be the most crucial one. Reciprocating a response which may be insulting to the person yelling at you may escalate things out of control. Therefore, it becomes important to resist the urge to respond in the same way. Two individuals yelling at each other is not going to solve problems for anyone anyways. The reason that the other person is yelling at you could be to provoke you and make you do something drastic. This makes it even more significant to not get carried away in a situation like this.
When you feel like you are about to lose your temperament at somebody who is yelling at you, you must start to count till ten slowly. Yelling back at the person could further elevate the issue. Another thing you can do at this moment is is by detaching your mind from the circumstances and contemplating the options at your disposal. Do not hastily decide as you might just end up doing something that you will regret later.
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We do not mean for you to take an actual step back, rather just mentally to get to the bottom of what exactly is happening and why. During this time, you can analyze whether it would be worth it to partake in a response and engage the person screaming at you further, wait out till he is done yelling or go for any other option. If you are with a casual acquaintance who happens to be yelling at you on a silly matter and you do not mind walking away from them, then do so. Walking away from them will make them realize that the behavior they were exuding, by no means, relate to a public setting and they do not have the right to just get mad at you in front of people.
However, you might want to refrain from just walking away if it’s your boss who is losing it, unless, of course, you are willing to lose your job. In that case, it would be better if you wait out the yelling and let things calm down by themselves. If this is the first such incidence, then let your boss get away with its, but if it is a regular occurrence, you need to do something about it.
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You might think that when a person is yelling at you and embarrassing you in front of your friends, colleagues or public, agreeing with them is a good option to calm them down, but we would ask you to reconsider. After agreeing with the person yelling at you in order to diffuse their anger, you subsequently end up agreeing to do something or say something that they are asking, and by agreeing with them, you are encouraging them to scream at you every time they want to get things done by you. Therefore, the idea of agreeing with the yeller can blow up in your face and you will find yourself being yelled at more often in the future. Instead, look for a way to condone their actions and convey to the person yelling that you do not approve the way they are treating you.
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Feeling the need to react when someone is yelling at you is a natural reaction. However, yelling back, criticizing or negatively responding in some other way will only make it worse. What you need to do at this moment is reel in your feelings and thoughts and address the real problem at hand – their yelling. Let the other person know how you feel about the yelling and that you do not accept it. You are more likely to have a positive reaction from the yeller by making them aware of their actions and behavior. In many cases, people do not even realize that they are yelling and keep on behaving the same way. Letting them know their actions is perhaps the best way to diffuse the situation.
You can ask them to present their case politely, so you can understand and give them a proper response. Another great way is to say your message to them in a low voice. Perhaps the contrast in the two voices, yours and theirs, will be enough to make them realize how loud they are. Apart from that, when you speak in a low voice, the yeller will have to alter their frame to mind and stop yelling in order to hear what you have to say.
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Not just yelling, but being yelled at also takes a toll on your mental. In order to think clearly and respond appropriately, you need a break. When someone yells at you, the level of adrenaline pumping in your veins rises. As you may know, adrenaline is the fight or flight hormone, the last two things you want to be doing when somebody is yelling at you. So, if you find yourself about to lose it, then it would be better to ask the person for a break.
If it’s not your boss but someone like your spouse who is yelling at you, don’t ask them but tell them that you need a break or some time to think and then you will give your response. This cool-off period will also help you in making sure that the conversation in question will not erupt into an all-out war.
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After you have successfully escaped the situation, you can ponder whether you wish to make amends with the person or end it right there and then. Several factors can come into play at this time, from what kind of relationship you have with the person yelling and how often do you see them in your life to how close you generally are in order to forget about an unpleasant situation.
If the person yelling is someone who you cannot just replace, then consider what would be the right way to make them realize why their behavior was wrong. Also, do not forget that if you choose just to walk out and cut all ties with them, you might be in for a stressful encounter the next time you two see each other. Do not make any decision hastily. Weigh all the pros and cons and come to a decision that is right for you.
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After that comes the time to respond but make sure that you have had enough opportunities to process the situation and what was said. While in some cases you only get a few minutes to respond, in others you could have days. While responding, you can talk to them about how they behaved and how it made you feel.
Also, there could be circumstances when you feel threatened by the person yelling. If this is not the first instance that the person has yelled at you and you have conveyed how being yelled at makes you feel, then it is high time that you cease all kinds of communication with the person. Send a brief letter or email about your wish to cut ties with them and stop talking to them altogether. In some circumstances, it would also be better to seek outside help. This is especially the case when you feel that the yeller has anger issues and has failed to get any help for it.
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The next time your boss, partner or somebody else shouts at you be calm and keep these points in the back of your head. Have you ever had somebody shout at your in public? How did you handle it? Share your experience with us through your comments below. We love hearing from you.
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Understanding why someone is yelling can also help in diffusing the situation and most of the time these have something to do with the psyche of the person. One of the most common reasons that people yell when they are angry is that they are coming from something. For many, yelling is the go-to mechanism when dealing with difficult situations. If a person yells every time he or she is faced with a difficult situation, this is a sign that this is how they have learned to cope. However, this coping behavior is not healthy either for the person yelling or the person being yelled at.
Another reason that someone yells a lot is that they have aggressive tendencies. Such people get aggressive too easily and their aggression can also lead to physical altercations at times. Remember how every fight begins with yelling and shouting? If someone you know has anger issues and often resorts to physically hurting the person in front of him, then I suggest you get them professional help as soon as possible. Because such a person is a sitting time bomb and you never know when he is going to explode.
You might be surprised to know that many times, shouting is a cry for help. Many people raise their voices and yell in anger when they feel neglected. This is often the case with parents who resort to yelling when their children are not listening to them. The thing that parents need to understand is that yelling scares children and affects their mental health. Emotional abuse like yelling at a kid is just as harmful as the physical abuse and can affect the person your child is going to become after growing up. Also, if your child grows up in an environment where yelling is the go-to response when people are not listening to you, they are going to follow that their entire life.