How to Handle your Child's First Crush?

Teenage unfolds a new life which seems fresh, exciting with the development of emotional and physical feelings in children. Raging hormones bring about a lot of confusion, anxiety and the need of attention from the opposite sex. This is more than common in all teenage children if you think this might be a situation only your child or child’s friend must be dealing with. Most children develop their first crush by the time of 14 on average which seems to last a few months, commonly referred to as a crush or puppy love. Some experts believe that a person’s first crush develops as early as around the age of 7 or 8! This is a very natural and common process that almost every person goes through at least once in their lifetime. 

Most of the time, a crush or an infatuation are harmless which the child usually has no control over. If you’ve recently found out or are dealing with a similar situation, you can start by confronting your kid and talk about it to him/ her. Try to be empathetic and respect his feelings. Do not rage at him as this is something that he never planned on doing so and had no control over. Most of the time, there is nothing to worry about and is just temporary that comes at with this phase of age. But rarely, this crush can develop into something serious, like love for instance, besides getting obsessed.

Sometimes a crush turns into love, and things can get pretty ugly. To avoid such situations, the parents must regularly talk to their kids on a daily basis, listen to them, respect their feelings and support their actions. This will help develop a bond of trust and friendship with your kids, and even if there is something to worry about or to discuss, you can do it with them easily and help them get out of a situation they might feel helpless about. Here are some ways in which you can discuss the situation with your kids and help them!

Most kids fail to socialize with their parents, especially during teenage. It can be as confusing for the kids to cope with all the raging hormones, bodily changes, and shyness from discussing matters that mean something to them due to the fear of other person not understanding his or her feelings. Fear of rejection is very common at this age, and sometimes people carry this all throughout their life due to unresolved issues in childhood. If you spot any such signs in your kid such as getting attracted specifically to someone from the opposite gender, developing an involvement into romantic movies, etc., the worst you can do is get angry at him/her for doing such stuff. This will only push them farther away and encourage them to keep secrets from you.

If you find him talking to a person from the opposite gender for a long time or if your kid admits to having a boyfriend/ girlfriend, listen to them. Ask them what this means to them and provide them knowledge on the common mistakes that kids tend to make at this tender age. They might take certain immature steps attending to their curiosity. Set certain boundaries for them and make them aware of the risks and complications they can get themselves into, both physically and emotionally. Above all, talk to them as a friend and respect their feelings.

Pay heed to what they have to say. They might mention a specific friend from the opposite gender for more than a normal number of times and talk about him or her continuously without sparing a moment of breath. This is usually nothing to be alarmed about as kids are newly exposed to the feelings of love, lust and emotional bonding. All their life up till teenage, they expressed all the love they had in their hearts and feelings towards their parents. As their body decides to change or they come across puberty, they suddenly feel helpless towards feeling an attraction for the opposite sex. Sometimes when this infatuation is reciprocated, kids may get curious to discover certain things and fail to pay heed towards the risks it might bring along. They might think about experimenting with sex for example, especially if at this age, you ask them specifically not to do it. So try to remain calm and talk to them in a language they can understand, so they respond accordingly!

Ask them questions about what they like about this boy or girl and be supportive of it. Do not rage into a bout of anger or shy away from the topic. Julia Simens, a Therapist, believes that ‘‘crushes are no joke and serious’’. She believes that a parent must not consider this issue in a very light manner and take their emotions into account seriously. Very often, rejection by a crush can hurt a child’s feelings and is anything but adorable from her perspective. They can teach kids about relationships and themselves a lot thereby preparing them for the future in the matters related to emotions. Have a dialogue with them and make them aware about the dangers that follow sexual exploration. They are at an age where they are unaware of the dangers, risks, and complications that can arise which they may have committed in the name of ‘having fun’ or ‘curiously exploring.'

Besides acknowledging them, teach them about how to deal with the attention and the pressure of sexual exploration. These issues can go a long way in making the child aware of the basic knowledge of life. Romantic movies, couples in public and watching their own parents express love towards each other makes them curious which, in turn, makes them think that even they should have someone of their own to love. Try to provide knowledge to them in a subtle way like while watching a romantic movie or when a sex scene comes on in a movie, tell them how this is all playacting performed by the actors so that people watch their movies which doesn’t necessarily mean that you must incorporate this in your life as well.

Having a crush or developing an attraction towards someone can be a serious business for your little ones. Some people even believe that there is no age for falling in love and even teenagers are capable of it. This might be a tender age but this is also something that they believe in. If as a parent, it bothers you that your kid might be getting too obsessed or attached to someone from the opposite sex, do not take it lightly and rather talk to them about them as a friend.

Some parents have a bad habit or rather a tendency to know every single thing that his/ her kid is going through. This might not only make them hide things from you but also make you look as non-trustworthy. Overprotective parents raise the best liars. If you’ll try to make forced attempts to micromanage your kid’s every move, this will only drift them apart and also as a result of your overprotective moves, they will now take on to lying. Befriend your child and give them the space they need and deserve. If they are seeking permission to go to a movie with a friend from the opposite sex, don’t bombard them with questions and instead, ask them about this friend. If you think there is nothing to worry about, then do not sabotage your relationship by flooding them with unnecessary questions and accusations.

As a parent, you have to draw the line where it is required. Going for a night out or sleepover with their gang of friends is different from going out with a guy or a girl only. There are overprotective parents, and there are also unbothered parents. To become an ideal parent, you must fall somewhere in between. Let them have their fun but also state their boundaries. Teenage kids are curious and love to experiment especially with things that they are not allowed to do. This only raises the fun factor for them, and so it’s your job as a parent to guide them and let them know about the risks associated with certain things. Take out time every day and talk to your kids about their day, what they are passionate about or their plans and guide them as to how there is a certain age and time for everything and rushing into things is never a good idea or ever reaped positive outcomes.

We hope that through this article, we have cleared all your doubts on how to deal with your child’s first crush! Leave a comment below to give your opinion on this!