Teen dating violence or teenage dating abuse is like any other abuse that takes between the partners in a relationship. Dating abuse may be emotional, physical or sexual in nature. It has become a huge problem, especially in the teens because the victims cannot even reach for help.
Apart from the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence, stalking too is a part of abuse in a relationship. It can occur between current partners or a former dating partner. Relationship abuse, intimate partner violence, and dating abuse are some common names used for teen dating violence.
From the above, the reasons for not staying in an abusive relationship seem quite obvious and yet people stay in it. Here’s why:
#1. Love
We are social beings who feed on love and attention. Everyone wants to be loved, and if the sufferer feels the perpetrator loves them, they do not wish to end the relationship. In addition to this, the victim may also believe that nobody else will love them the way their abuser does and hence decide to stay in it.
#2. Confusion
Teens are obviously new to relationships and therefore lack the experience to recognize and prevent an abusive relationship. They often confuse violence, abuse, and ill-treatment with love, especially if they have seen similar things while growing up.
#3. Changes Can Occur
When one is young, their hopes are as high as their dreams. Teens are always so full of life that they tend to believe things and people to change with time if they keep on doing the right things. Unfortunately, abuse tends to worsen with time, not get better.
#4. Promises
Teens are good at making and breaking promises at the same time. Abusers often promise to stop the abuse and keep apologizing for their misbehaviors. Victims often believe them and agree to give them more chances. This is commonly referred to as the cycle of violence and abuse.
#5. Denial
Teens often deny being in an abusive relationship just to avoid being humiliated in their friend circle. They pretend to be in a happy and healthy relationship. It is natural to deny being in an abusive relationship, but that does not make it go away.
#6. Guilt
Some victims are so deeply involved in the relationship that they blame themselves for being abused. They believe that it is their fault that makes their partner react in an abusive manner. But the truth is that violence is always the fault of the abuser and never the abused.
#7. Fear
Even after being aware of their abusive partners, teens often fear retaliation as it may lead to further violence and torture. The abuser might have blackmailed the victim to stay quiet and stay in the relationship.
#8. Fear Of Being Alone
Just as being loved is the best feeling, being alone is the worst. The desire to be loved, to be with someone is the only reason many people agree to live in abusive relationships just so that they are not alone.
Teenage violence is no more acceptable than adult violence and is also against the law. And like any other relationship abuses, teenage dating abuse should be stopped too. The victims need to understand that it’s always the doer who is at fault and not them. No one deserves to be abused emotionally, physically or sexually.
There are certain steps that the victim can take if they find themselves in an abusive dating relationship. If you choose to stay with an abusive partner, it's important to know that violence can escalate, so protecting yourself should be your priority.
The most obvious step that most of the victims would consider is to leave or break up with their abusive partner. A breakup, especially when dating abuse is present, may not be easy.
#1. You might feel scared of being lonely without your partner.
#2. If you find yourself tempted to stay back just remind yourself of the reasons that made you consider breaking up at first place.
Breaking up is never easy, but if it concerns your safety, it is the right thing to do. Trust yourself for you are doing the right thing.
Tips For Breaking Up:
We care for your safety, and therefore it is important to aware you of some safety measures that should be put to practice before you take the big step.
#1. Don't break up in person if you don't feel safe. Sending a text message or email might seem rude, but do it if it’s best for your safety.
#2. If you dare to break up in person, do it in public and have your support system nearby in case of an emergency.
#3. Don't bother to explain your reasons for breaking up too many times.
#4. Avoid opening the door if your ex-visits you especially if you are alone in the house.
#5. Contact a counselor, doctor or anti-violence organization in case of emergency.
While you break up with your abusive partner, there are good chances that they will try to put the blame on you to justify their abusive reaction. Just remember that any physical, emotional or sexual abuse by one human to another is unacceptable and can have no justification.
An abusive relationship has its own honeymoon period which can be defined as a phase wherein the abuser treats his victim nicely. This may go on for a few weeks or months. Do not fall for it; it’s a trap. The chances of you being abused again are very high. When in their honeymoon phase, your abuser may
#1. Be more apologetic
#2. Be extra attentive
#3. Help you more often
#4. Make promises to change
#5. Shower you with gifts
#6. Compliment you
#7. Spend more time with you
Breakups are tough to handle, and it is most likely that your abusive partner will try to get back to you. And what’s better than your cell phone. They may even lure you, and you might find yourself back in their arms. Also, cell phones can nowadays be easily trapped and your abuser can locate you wherever and whenever. Get yourself a new phone or at least change your number to avoid unnecessary and unpleasant interactions with your ex.
It is common for teenagers to share their phone or social media passwords with their partners. Change them immediately after you break up especially with an abusive partner. They might use it to upload obscene pictures or to get back at you for breaking up with them. Change your email addresses, cell phone password, bank account PIN number, and anything else that your abuser was aware of and can use them to find or take advantage of you.
If you have finally broken up with your ex-abusive partner, just know that you are still not safe. Maintaining a few safety habits will cause no harm.
#1. Stay Safe While You Walk
Try to avoid walking alone. Ask your friends to stay with you whenever you are away from your house.
#2. Talk To A School Counselor
Talk to a school counselor or teacher you trust so that your school stays a safe space. Make adjustments in your class schedule if you need to.
#3. Hang Out With Close Friends
Ask your friends or family to stay with you in places where your ex might hang out.
#4. Use Technology To Your Advantage
In case you did not change your number and your ex-tried contacting you, make sure you save all the threatening messages and conversations that they send you. Set your profile to private on social networking sites.
#5. Call For Emergency Help
If you ever feel you're in immediate danger, call 911
Memorize important numbers in case you don't have access to your cell phone.
Teenage dating abuse is a huge problem and needs to be addressed. Do not be scared for you did the right thing by leaving your abusive partner. Be aware and stay safe until your partner does not give up.
It is important that you talk to your family and close friends if you find yourself suffering in your relationship. Your parents are and will always be your best support. Do not hesitate in discussing your relationship issues.
Did you ever come across anyone who suffered from teenage dating abuse? How did they get over it? Let us know in the comment section below.
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