Sexual performance anxiety is extremely common, especially among men. Our society has put our poor men under the pressure of sexual performance. A man’s personality and moreover his masculinity is judged on the basis of his lovemaking abilities.
Sexual anxiety can lead to premature ejaculation or trouble getting aroused. This contributes to your sexual performance anxiety in the future. Here’s how you can overcome sexual performance anxiety.
Sexual anxiety is one of the most common issues that most men deal with while performing in bed. Every guy worries about whether or not he will be able to perform well in his sex life. For a lot of partners who fail to reach the climax during sexual intercourse usually, have no underlying physical problems. Instead, the problem is due to worrying about not being able to perform. In such cases, you might need some genuine tips and not a Viagra pill!
First and the most important thing that you need to know if you wish to overcome your sexual performance anxiety is that worrying about not performing sexually only distracts you from sexually interacting with your partner. Due to the tension and pressure, you are not able to pay attention to the more erotic thoughts that usually accompany a successful sexual endeavor. In lieu of letting your hormones talk to you, you let your contemplations take over your mind and body hence preventing the desired climax.
Anxiety is a future-oriented emotion in which you imagine the consequences of a possible future event which has not even occurred. In case of sexual performance anxiety, the event in question is a failure in performing sexually and then living through the supposed catastrophic consequences like loss of self-respect and fear of what others think of you, especially your sex partner.
Maybe as a man, you keep thinking that having an erection is a must and your woman needs to have an orgasm if you two indulge in a sexual act. Just know that not having an erection or an orgasm will not shed your gender.
You’ll be a man even if you are not able to perform; not having an erection is not a loss of your masculinity
You are not a clock. A clock tick and tock because it’s mechanical, but you are not. You have your free will and that’s why your erection is based on your feelings and nothing else. Sometimes you feel it and the other times the feelings are just missing.
#1. Work On Your Expectations
Sexual performance anxiety lives and dies in your mind. It is not your little (no offense) soldier or your beating heart that’s at fault; it is just your anxiety, your worries feeding on your mind making you nervous and incapable of performing. Sexual anxiety makes you feel nervous regarding the forthcoming sexual play. Anxiety is a completely healthy and reasonable emotional response to certain things in life, but that shouldn’t apply to everything. Sexual anxiety is one of them and it's overstaying is not welcoming.
Instead of giving way to performance anxieties try to figure out the underlying fear that your anxiety is pointing towards? Is it really about satisfying your partner? Is it about your sexual stamina? Is it about you wanting or not wanting to have sex? Most of the times you thoughts hamper your sexual performance and therefore you should ask yourself certain questions the same to release yourself from the performance anxiety. Do I really need her to have an orgasm for an unrealistic number of times? Am I focusing on the right things? What am I excited about at this moment? Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I really worry about my performance if I love my sexual partner?
Sexual performance anxiety originates in your mind due to the underlying fear-based thoughts that we have. If we can cause disapproval between our unconscious thoughts and the present moment, you can completely indulge in your sexual performance without worrying about the climax. You will make it happen.
#2. Everything Does Not Have A Linear Pattern
A lot of men believe that sex has a linear progression and that it has to happen in a certain order, deviation in the order will lead to failure. The general pattern that men follow is to make out, engage in oral sex, make your partner have a climax, and call it a night. There’s certainly nothing wrong with having an order to follow or keeping your sexual act predictable, but the very thought of 'sex has to be done in a certain way' is one of the primary reasons for causing sexual performance anxiety. Sex has no defined way. It can keep changing as per the partners.
Try shifting from linear thinking to non-linear thinking. This would mean letting yourself off the hook from an A-B-C-D approach to sex, to a more circular or non-linear approach which lets you explore new options and get creative with your partner. So instead of playing checkers in your sex life, you can begin to play snakes and ladders with a less competitive analogy. Non-linear lovemaking brings more life and fullness to your sex life because you have no room for expectations. There is no right or wrong, just passion, and love.
#3. Are You Nervous?
If your performance anxiety is ruling your thoughts, your palms might get sweaty, and you can have difficulty in achieving an erection. The best technique to overcome sexual performance anxiety is to name the elephant in the room. Yes, it will take courage. Yes, it might get uncomfortable, but just do it. Telling your partner that you’re nervous takes away most of the performance anxiety. Now, that your partner is aware they’ll make sure to help you through it.
Calm your mind and tell your partner out loud that you are feeling damn nervous and give them the opportunity to verbally encourage you or assure you that your sexual anxieties are just in your head and won’t affect your sexual performance. Naming the elephant in the room can help both you and your partner get through the potentially uncomfortable transitioning stage of helping you.
#4. Understand That No One’s Perfect
Are you perfect? Is your partner perfect? Do you have a perfect life? No, right? Then why do you have to have everything perfect when it comes down to sex? Perfectionism makes up for a huge underlying part of you experiencing sexual performance anxiety.
Your erectile strength varies depending on your hormones, sleeping patterns, diet, health, and present moment thought processes. Going partially soft during extended sexual play is as normal as you getting wet in the rains. It is a human thing. It doesn’t have a hidden meaning. Inability to perform does not imply that you aren’t attracted to your partner or that you are failing them. It does not make you any less of a man. It just means that you’re a human and that’s a thing that happens to humans.
Most of your unrealistic expectations about your sexual performance come from external influences, usually your friends. Maybe a friend who keeps bragging about his sexual prowess makes you believe that you need to do that too. The bottom line is that you need to let go of your perfectionist thinking when it comes to your sex life. You’re completely allowed to be complex, and wavering, and a little bit nervous sometimes. Sex is where we literally and metaphorically get naked, so a little nervousness is acceptable.
#5. Overcome Your Fear
A major part of your performance anxiety is all about fear of what others are going to think of you. You may fear that your partner will stop seeing you as the man in the relationship. You cannot control what others think of you. These thoughts of not being able to perform shouldn't occupy you because you simply cannot take charge of what others think. You should instead give space to the erotic thoughts, touch, feel, and sense to make your sexual experience worth it. When you think about stimulating your partner the same way that you are, your imagination is all the reality that really matters. Ranking the sex as good, bad, or somewhere in between is definitely a very bad idea especially if you are in the midst of your sexual encounter.
We dedicate this article to your success! Have you ever faced the sexual performance anxiety? How did you cope up with it? We would love to know your experiences, so please share them with us in the comment box below.
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