No one enters into a marriage thinking that there would come a time when they would no longer want to be with their partner. However, about 50 percent marriages in the US end in divorce. And there is nothing you can do about it. The romance vanishes from your relationship, love turns into hate, care becomes neglect and the fact that once lightened up your days no longer brings you any happiness. So, signing the papers and getting it over with is the best option you sometimes have.
However, that is not the question here, the question is, how do you move forward from here; how do you start over after divorce? Well, to tell you the truth, it is not going to be easy. It is an end of an era. Whether you saw it coming or initiated it yourself, divorce can be overwhelming. But we have some tips that will help you kick-start your new life in a healthy and productive fashion.
#1. Give Yourself The Time To Mourn
Whether it was you who wanted the separation or the divorce crept up on you, you must be feeling a little overwhelmed by it, and it is understandable. You did not expect the marriage to end so easily. Thus, the emotions that you are experiencing right now are totally justified. Whether you were married for just a few years or decades, it is still an end of an era that you once thought was going to last forever. So, give yourself some time to mourn the relationship that has ended so abruptly. We do not ask you to keep dwelling on the feelings of remorse about things you did and the ones you didn’t. We are merely asking you to make room for these and process these in a healthy manner.
#2. Make A Plan
When you get divorced, your life takes a sudden turn. For a long time, you had somebody in your life you could rely on and now all of a sudden, you are left to survive on your own. You might have made plans with your partner about your future but they are just words now. You have to do something on your own. So, sit down, relax your mind, forget about the feelings that have been hovering over your mind recently, and think about what you are going to move from here. Ponder the different aspects of your life and how you are going to adjust to the circumstances you have suddenly been pushed into.
#3. Learn To Love Yourself
A divorce can sometimes be a big blow to your self-confidence. It can make you feel ashamed and worthless since the person who you thought loved you the most and was never going to leave you now wants to move on to lead a separate life. But you cannot let your divorce drag your confidence and self-esteem down. There is nothing wrong with you. It is just that your relationship had run its course and there was no other option now for you and your partner than to end it and go your separate ways. At this point, more than anything, you need your love. How long has it been that you forgot about everything else in the world and pampered yourself? The only answer is ‘too long’. Self-love does not mean that a person is selfish or narcissist, it means that you accept yourself with all your flaws.
Also, Read: Why Is It Important To Love Yourself?
#4. Rediscover Yourself
In most marriages, people rarely get the time for themselves. They start being a unit as a couple rather than an individual. Therefore, it is easy to lose contact with yourself when you are bind in the bond of matrimony. But now that you finally have time for yourself, perhaps you should use this to know yourself better. There may be things that you might have given up in your marriage just because they did not fit well with being in a relationship. But guess what, you are not in a relationship now so there is nothing stopping you from indulging in your guilty pleasures that you loved at one point. This could be a hobby that you gave up due to lack of time for yourself or just something that you enjoyed. There will never be a better time for it.
#5. Stay Healthy And Active
It is often seen that people, heartbroken after their divorce, let go of themselves. But that is unhealthy. What you need to start over after your divorce is to commit yourself to a health regimen. It will not only help you stay fit but can also be a great way to vent out the frustrations that you might be experiencing during this troubling period of your life. Also, some people choose to spend their time cocooned up in their beds, avoiding everything and dwelling on their feelings. We would suggest you not to do this. Instead, you should stay active in your social circle, maybe more so now that you are divorced.
#6. Focus On Your Career
When you are married, your priorities change. You focus more on your family than anything else. But now that those days are behind you, why not start over your life after a divorce by concentrating on your career! Trying out a new profession isn’t a bad option either at this point. If there was something that your marriage or partner was keeping you from doing, then this is the perfect time to go in that direction. Also, if you are choosing to commit to a fresh career, then just make sure that it is financially viable. It must be something that you are passionate about and willing to work hard for it.
#7. Give Transitional Relationships A Shot
Transitional relationships are not about rebounding. It is about stepping out of your comfort zone and dating someone who is not your type. This does not have to be something permanent, just something that keeps your mind off things and at the same time, giving you a chance to explore what you haven’t for a long time. So, if it is only shy people that you have dated in your life or extroverts, this is the time to be with someone who you once thought you would never go out with and see where it takes you. Remember to not get emotionally involved as this is only about the experience.
#8. Reconnect With Old Friends
Maintaining your social life is crucial when you are thinking about starting over after divorce in a positive and productive way. Now that you are single again and have so much time for yourself, then why not use it to reconnect with friends who you haven’t talked to for so long? A simple ‘Hi’ on Facebook can be enough to get those long-lost friendships back. And mind you, you need these now more than ever. Moreover, you might have friends who might have gone through the same thing in their life. You can ask them for advice about how they moved on from their divorce and what helped them the most.
#9. Try Online Dating
If your divorce has left you feeling in need of an emotional support and you are hesitant about diving right into the dating game, then you can try online dating for a while till you feel ready to step into the real field. It is understandable that you feel nervous about going out with somebody when you have been with just one person for the past several years. But sooner or later, you are going to have to be with someone. You can take your time. There is no rush to be in another relationship right after your divorce. Just keep the option of online dating in your back pocket.
#10. Take A Break And Go Somewhere
You have just been divorced; there is no rush here. You are going through one of the most difficult periods of your life and there is nothing wrong with admitting that you are overwhelmed. So, before you begin living your life after your divorce, take a break and head somewhere nice. It could be a place that you have always wanted to visit. You can go on this trip alone or tag your best buddies alone, whatever floats your boat.
#11. Forgive And Move On With Your Life
You are never going to be able to start your life after divorce if you keep on holding grudges against your ex. Forget about what they did and trying to contemplate why they did it. There is a reason why things did not work out as planned for you two. Maybe fate has something better planned for you. But whatever it is, you have to accept the fact that you are now divorced, forgive your partner in case you hold him or her responsible, and begin your transition into your new life.
The last thing we would like to suggest is that you avoid thinking of yourself as a divorcee. Do not look at it as a failure. It happened because it had to happen. Now you have to focus your energy on starting your life after divorce.
We hope that the tips mentioned above will help you during this tough period. Share with us how you think one should start over after divorce through your comments in the comment box below.
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