Is it fair to Marry out of Pressure from Society & Parents?

Are you facing pressure from your parents for getting married? Do you feel you are not yet ready to get married? Do you find it impossible to avoid social pressure for marriage? Are you looking for ways to deal with parental pressure for marriage?

Pressure for marriage from the family is a very common concept. Irrespective of where you are born and what culture you are brought up in, after a certain point of time parents are concerned about the future of their children. Yes, it becomes impossible for the children to explain the exact reason why they do not prefer to get married at a certain point in time. At the same time, children fail to understand why their parents are so concerned about them getting married and settling down when they reach a certain stage in life. When we throw light on the concept of family pressure for marriage, we always keep in mind the perspective of the children. There can be a different approach to dealing with parental pressure for marriage.

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The best way to deal with parental pressure for marriage is not by opposing them. In fact, it is just the very opposite of it; you can easily accomplish this by going ahead and understanding their point of view. This clearly does not mean agreeing with it; it just means understanding where they are coming from and explaining your point of view along the lines of their thought process. Sometimes, when we keep trying to explain to a child certain things from the adult perspective, they fail to understand it. Similarly, at times when we try to explain a certain point to another individual from our understanding, they do not follow it. They fail to comprehend our reasons or the way we are looking at things. The best thing to keep in mind when you are dealing with parental pressure for marriage is one fact that that remains the biggest concern of every parent. This is their concern regarding you having a proper companion after they are no more capable of taking care of you and they are no more alive to serve as your family. This may not seem like a topic to be concerned about for us because we are in a phase where we all are super busy with work; we have friends to go out with. But, they sure can feel that their time to leave is coming close. Most of the time they have no other agenda but, to make sure their children do not have to face the world all alone and have someone they can call family. The moment you can understand this, you will find it easy to recognize, they are not playing the role of your enemy.

It will also become easy for you to explain your side of the story to them. For example, you can tell them what kind of individual you need to have to be able to spend the rest of your life with. You can tell them that it is not only enough to just have someone to call family, but they need to be people who will accept you the way you are, respect you for what you choose to do and support your dreams.

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Let’s talk about the other side of the story. We have taken a look at the reason that is essentially the root reason for parents wishing for their children to get married. But, we do need to take into consideration the fact that multiple other reasons form the basis of the family, parental and social pressure for marriage. Some of these reasons can be very unacceptable, and the others prove to be very insignificant. Some of the examples of such reasons are:

#1. Sometimes parents or family members have their own personal agenda; they wish to marry you off to a family friends daughter or son, for business gains or to keep the relationship strong and alive.

#2. Sometimes they may not like or agree with our choice of a life partner because of the family they belong to, because of the religion they follow, or because of the way they look and many other such trivial details.

#3. Society may have developed some norms over the generations, and our culture may be having many customs and traditions which are true of no value and are just man made beliefs. If the reasons for a forced marriage are any of them, then they surely are not acceptable and should be fought and done away with.

#4. When you are pressurized or compelled to marry because of your increasing age and because of the faith in social belief that there is always a correct time to do each thing irrespective of anything else, please do not be fooled by them. The only right time to do anything ever is when you want it and are ready for it.

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Keeping in mind the above examples, which are some valid reasons for not getting married because of family pressure, we do need to address the fact that ‘why you really wish to get married’ should be at the base of your reasoning for going ahead with the marriage. Please keep in mind the fact that marriage is not a compulsory part of life. It is not the center of your existence, and neither is there a fixed time that is correct to get married. Yes, you always have the freedom to assign any kind of meaning and importance you wish to assign to marriage for yourself. Yes if you choose you can make it the center of your existence. But, do not ever do so because the society told you to do so because it was your parent’s notion of what marriage is or because of any external reason. Before we even go ahead with taking the decision of marriage, we really need to clarify the reason why we wish to get married to no one else but, ‘ourselves’. Get married if you found someone who is willing to support your dreams, who is willing to be crazy with you and not asking you to behave in a certain way, do it even if you find this individual when you are forty or fifty. Get married because it was your childhood dream and it did not change even after you grew up. Get married if you are with someone who you truly love and the person loves you back three folds more. Get married if you find someone who is willing to dance with you holding your hand even when you both are in your eighties and can barely move. In short, do it because it is what you really want because at that point it is naturally the next best step.

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Now that you have all the reasons figured out you will for yourself realize that getting married is not a norm. Getting married is not a compulsory step of life because that is what the society prescribes. But, it is a very beautiful experience of life, which should be experienced by every individual, not because of compulsion, but because they do not wish to lose out on such an amazing experience. What I am trying to throw light on, is the fact that you need to give your definition to marriage, you will need to figure out how it fits the best into the story of your life. When is the best time for you to take it up? Do you wish to take it up at all or not? May be you will change your mind along the journey of your life. We all have a different story that we write for all our lives; we tend to do that with our choices and actions. While writing this story, it is very important to take your decisions keeping in mind what is the best for you. Keeping in mind which should be the next chapter in your life, is a decision that only you should make.

Irrespective of what kind of pressure you face when it comes to deciding to get married, look at it like this. There is one fact that you will never be able to ignore. No matter why you choose to get married. It is a good enough reason or an unacceptable one. At the end of the day, it is you who will have to spend the rest of your entire life with the individual you choose to get married to. This person is going be your closest companion for each day of your life, and in every journey, you choose to take up. Their presence is going to impact almost all of the future life decisions you will make for the rest of your life. Now, it is completely up to you to decide what kind of individual you wish to give that space in life and holds that kind of importance in your life. This decision that you make will impact the rest of your life and the rest of your children’s lives (if you choose to have any.)

Are you facing parental pressure for getting, married? Has it become impossible for you to explain your stand to them? Please comment below and let us know how this article proves to be helpful to you and what else you would like to know regarding this, matter?

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