Are your in-laws planning to live with you? If yes, then you probably want to get answers to questions like 'How to deal with in-laws living with you?' or 'How to cope with in-laws living with you?' Living with parents-in-law can be nerve-wracking if you have never planned on doing it before.
People usually start living with their in-laws for a number of reasons. The most common being their age which makes them dependent. Other reasons could involve health issues or some financial matters. Whatever be the reason, living with parents-in-law can never be an easy life. There will be times when either or both of you would want more privacy or independence, the absence of which will ultimately result in resentment.
Before you decide on making such a big move, talk to your spouse about how life is going to change once you start living with the in-laws. You can always come up with some ground rules for everyone. It can include dividing turns for throwing the garbage, doing the dishes, etc. What’s important is to create guidelines that let all of you keep things comfortable and going. And yet, living with parents-in-law will only work if you put in the efforts and keep yourself prepared for the worst. Here we have listed a few tips that can help you deal with in-laws living with you.
#1. Ask For Privacy
One thing every couple needs is there privacy. The partners need their own intimate time to get closer and know each other better. Your privacy is surely going to be intervened with your in-laws living with you, but then you can always work things out. No matter how big or small your apartment, make sure you have designated rooms for both the couples. It’ll provide you with enough privacy with no interference of your in-laws.
#2. Avoid Family Arguments
So now that your spouse is living with his or her original family, they might lapse to being their kid again. They can also end up feeling a bit trapped or resentful about the situation leading them into arguments with his or her parents. If your partner starts fighting with their parents stay out of it. Avoid contributing to the fight whatsoever. Let the kid and the parents solve it for themselves. Let them ride it out together. These arguments happen just until everyone gets used to living together and finds his or her own rhythm.
#3. Choose Your Battles
In addition to staying out of arguments that your spouse has with his or her original family, you should avoid getting into arguments with your in-laws yourself too. There will be times when they will say or do things that will bother or annoy you. Speak up when you have no other choice left.
Talk to them about the behavior that you do not appreciate. It can include your mother-in-law entering your bedroom unannounced or your brother-in-law watching television all night disturbing your sleep. Except these, your parents-in-law might make fleeting comments about your family or their behavior. These are some consistent comments, so just bear with it.
#4. Your In-laws Can Be Anxious Too
As in-laws, they do understand that their child has somebody important in their life. Some parents adjust to the changes but others start feeling vulnerable. Their vulnerability leads them to become overly defensive even without provocation. This could be one reason that your mother-in-law isn’t too comfortable sharing the kitchen because she fears the risk of losing control. Give your in-laws the time to develop and entail their trust in you. And you can do it by trying to bridge the distance between you all.
#5. Bridge The Gaps
The first thing to do when you try to bridge the distances with your in-laws is to forge a strong bond with your husband. Your relationship with your spouse should be your priority. Do whatever it takes to strengthen the relationship. You can do it by not criticizing his or her relationship with their parents because it’ll only end up in bitterness. If your in-laws are living with you, then make an effort to know more about them, their habits, behavior, their lifestyle and everything that you consider is important. Try to forge a personal bond with your in-laws. You can do it by planning activities together through which you can find things that you share in common with them.
#6. Stay Polite
We call them in-laws, but they are your parents too. And one should be polite to their parents, all elders in general. There could be times when your in-laws do not respond positively, avoid taking it personally. Instead of arguing or creating a scene with your parents-in-law, talk to your partner about it and find some quick solutions.
#7. Work On The Alternatives
Once you start living with your in-laws, you will have to start working on alternatives. With your father-in-law sitting in the common room browsing through the TV channels, you cannot go lazing around wearing your skimpiest shorts, so, do it in your room instead. Instead of budging about everything, try to compromise and stay flexible about the situations.
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#8. Don't Stereotype Your Relationship
Yes, you are living with your in-laws, so what? They are just another couple who happen to be your partner’s parents. They are family, so treat them as one. Do not get swayed by stereotypes. Make an effort to understand your in-laws and make their decision of living with you worth it. You can do so by taking them out for shopping or dinners. Rent some fun DVDs and watch it together. Old photo albums are always a great idea when planning a family activity. It is the best way to spend your spare time.
#9. Ask And Offer Help
Living with parents-in-law comes with benefits. You can save money by contributing to the expenses. Your mother-in-law can help with the kitchen duties if you are working late for a few nights. Your father-in-law can help in picking the kids from school. And you can help them in spending their spare time by planning activities for them.
The best part of living with in-laws is that you get to know each other very well and become a real family. Your kids get to enjoy the attention of their grandparents and you get the needed help.
Saying all the above, living with the in-laws can bring with it all sorts of stress and emotions. If the situation becomes overwhelming and all you see is people fighting all the time, then see a family therapist or counselor. Do not let shame stop you from asking for external help. You might also consider seeing a marriage counselor if the living situation is affecting your marriage. Let your marriage remain your number one priority.
Are you living with your in-laws? Is it difficult to cope with this situation? We would love to know your thoughts and experiences, so please share them with us in the comment box below. We look forward to your replies.
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