What to do when your Spouse wants a Divorce but you don't?

All marriages do not work. Every story is not a fairy tale with a happy ending. Some tales go through a lot of struggle and still they are not able to survive. Lot of fights, trust issues and incapability to resolve them lead to the death of a relationship, no matter how long the matter may have lasted, a decade or two old, or just a month old. Any and every kind of marriage needs commitment and care.

When a relationship lacks the effort and commitment from either of the partner, it results in divorce. A lot of times, when both the partners are unable to communicate their differences and when they do not feel like correcting their relationship, then the couple resorts to divorce. Most of the times, one spouse wants a divorce, and the other still feels that things can work out if they try to.

One cannot tell what the reason for a marriage ending could be. For some, the marriage fell apart because one partner figured out about the other partner in a short period of time but it takes years and years of togetherness to understand one person completely and sometimes even a lifetime is not enough to know what the other person thinks. For some, it may be the lifestyle of the spouse that they thought would change eventually but it did not, and so they got fed up and decided to take a divorce. We believe that there is not one reason that leads to a spouse wanting a divorce, there would be plenty of reasons that do not encourage the person to stay in the marriage any longer. So, what does it take to make a relationship last longer? Why do marriages fail? Why are divorce rates higher than marriage?

#1. The reason why marriages don’t work is that either of the partners wasn’t sure about the marriage. They planned marriage because they wanted to live together or because the family wanted them to settle a soon as possible. When you get into a marriage with a wrong reason like for money or financial dependency, then the marriage will fall. The problems emerge right from the beginning.

#2. Marriage is about togetherness and combined planning on how to live life. But a lot of times, one person loses their identity in creating a happy marriage. The marriage needs compromises and adjustments which if made by one partner, only then the marriage will fall. The person forgets their individuality playing multiple roles in a marriage.

#3. After quite a few years of having spent together, the couple loses intimacy. The sexual intimacy is very important for a successful marriage because it has been observed that when one partner does not take an interest in making love, the other partner seeks it from outside marriage resulting in extramarital affair and cheating.

#4. Usually, divorce is the last resort a person wants to choose when nothing else works out, and they cannot bear the pain of an unfruitful marriage. It begins with small issues that do not get resolved, and they get piled up. With the problems piling up and creating a bigger issue to resolve the marriage fails to mend. When both the partners are incapable of resolving conflicts in their relationship, then the marriage falls.

How do you save your marriage then? What should you do when your spouse wants a divorce, but you don’t? Here’s what you should do.

#1. Under The Same Roof

It is very important for you and your spouse to live under the same roof. When you get ready to split and part your ways, you are helping your spouse to take divorce seriously. If you do not want to get a divorce, then do not leave your partner even if they ask you to. It will get hard to save your marriage and convince your spouse to give up the idea of marriage if you live separately. Let them know that you want to save your marriage and you do not want to lose their presence in your life. Convince them to stay if they 're going to leave because once they step out, they will get one step closer to the divorce.

#2. Don’t Let The Clouds Rain

Allowing your emotions out in front of your partner will not be the right decision at this point. They should know what you feel, but when you allow the tornado of your emotions out then it will only cause destruction. You may speak what you shouldn’t have. There is a possibility that you might get angry knowing that your spouse wants a divorce. You may behave in a way that is not appropriate for this situation. Maybe your spouse does not like your habit of reacting to situations instantly and aggressively so when you control your emotions your spouse will observe the difference. It is better to control your emotions and let your mind work. Do not let your heart ruin things for the people it loves.

#3. The Day We said “I Do.”

Now that you have controlled your emotions and you have managed to stay under the same roof with your partner, then you should start making subtle changes. Start recreating good memories you have made with your partner. Remind them of those moments where you both were happy and in love. When you remind your spouse of those memories, there are chances that they rethink about their decision to give divorce. They may still be in love with you, but under the pressure and recent inappropriate activities that led to stress on the relationship, you might have thought of getting a divorce. Replaying good memories like the video of your marriage vows or your honeymoon can be the best way to win back the love of your life.

#4. Apologize For Your Behavior

Your spouse wants a divorce because you did something that hurt their sentiment or blotted the purity of your marriage. If you had an extramarital affair, if you cheated or lied to your spouse about something then you must apologize. If you do not apologize for what you did, then it makes no sense in trying to save a marriage that you do not care about. If you really want your marriage to work, then you should admit your follies and promise not to repeat them. If you haven’t apologized till now, then gather all the remorse and guilt in your heart and go ahead to apologize in a way that your spouse forgives you gradually if not instantly.

#5. Hard Luck Better Than No Luck Distance

If your spouse wants to maintain some distance from you, then give them that distance. It is not beneficial if you force your spouse to live around you all the time because they want some space. They need time to think about the decision they are making; they need to think about you again in order to be sure before making a mistake. When you allow a little safe space in your relationship, your partner will realize that there are good things about you apart from the mistakes that you have made. Let them realize how much they love you and if they can live without you or not. Giving some space will tell you and your spouse if you should continue the marriage or take a divorce.

#6. Walk In Their Shoes

It is important that you understand why your spouse wants a divorce from you. Try to keep yourself in their place and think about what could be wrong. What is irritating them so much that they want a divorce and they are not ready to take any other measures? When you keep yourself in someone else’s shoes, you start empathizing, and you finally understand how hard it would have been for them to take such a drastic step. How much they would have been hurt before they reached this point.

#7. Communicate Before It’s Too Late

You should communicate with your spouse about the decision to take a divorce. Express your concerns and your love for your spouse. If you do not want the marriage to end, then you should find the opportunity to talk to your partner and make things right again. Answer all their issues and keep the communication going till your spouse does not get ready to rethink about their decision to give you a divorce. Change yourself completely before they lock their decision and sign the papers. Communication is the key to success of any relationship.lf completely before they lock their decision and sign the papers. Communication is the key to success of any relationship.

#8. Marriage Counseling  

Once your partner listens to you with a calm mind, talk to them about marriage counseling. Talk about how you feel that the relationship can be mended and you feel the right counseling will help you both survive through a hard time. This is the time to work on your marriage vows and remind your partner about them. It will not be easy for either of you but if you stay committed to the relationship then everything will be fine.

If you have any issues with the article or if you have any experiences to share then leave a comment in the comment section below.

( Images Courtesy: 1. The Marriage and Family Clinic, 2. Visa, Green Card, Citizenship, 3. Making Different, 4. Reader's Digest, 5. Clinicalnegligenceteam.co.uk, SFGate(Featured Image Courtesy)