A relationship is something that needs a lot of work. It takes a good amount of time to make sure we are completely comfortable with the person and then it becomes possible for us to share our life completely with them. What is crucial to understand is, we have to invest more into a romantic relationship and there are many expectations from each other when it comes to forming a romantic partnership. This is the reason it becomes necessary to make sure both the partners are completely aware of the various life experiences that have had a profound effect on their respective partners.
When we get into a romantic partnership, we need to be completely open to our chosen partner about all that has taken place in the past in our life and we need to be able to trust the fact they will understand what we have been through. We will also need to be compassionate about the kind of experiences that our partner has had. What is crucial is the fact that both the partners will have to make an effort to give space to each other and ease out the process of being absolutely comfortable in each other’s presence.
As it is the entire drill that each couple has to go through before they become absolutely sure that they are ready to share all aspects of their life with each other, is very complex and crucial. What makes it even more difficult is when one of the partners has some kind of a negative experience that has left their soul bruised. It will make it hard for them to deal with situations and events in the new romantic experience that will bring back the memories of the past traumatic experiences.
This can prove to be even more complex when we are dealing with someone who has been a victim of sexual abuse. When the pain is emotional it is hard to get over it, people tend to find a way to get over such hurtful memories over a period of time. But, when the pain is emotional and physical, it is intertwined with each cell of your being; it becomes a difficult task to completely heal yourself. What makes it even worse is the fact that you are ready to move on and you are with a person who makes your world come alive. Then there is that most intimate and beautiful aspect of a relationship that is supposed to make the relationship stronger and the connection deeper, which remains your sensitive area. When you have experienced pain in a particular area, the slightest reference to anything close to that may trigger some serious emotional reactions from you.
If you are someone who has been sexually abused or you are dealing with a romantic partner who has been sexually abused, it will be extremely necessary for you to deal with various situations in a sensitive way and keep somethings in mind. This is true especially for the partners of those individuals who have been sexually abused. If you are in love with someone and that person is everything you want, you will surely be willing to overlook all the challenges they have faced in the past and will want to make sure you give them all the love and support they need. Here are the things that you can do to make sure you are a good sexual partner to someone who has been sexually abused in the past.
#1. Make Sure You Know What Not To Mention
People who have been exposed any kind of sexual violence; tend to keep in mind the details of the event that shattered their world for that moment. This will include the person and the place where the trauma took place. The surrounding where it all occurred. If things or people similar to those happen to be present in front of them it may surely trigger some kind of negative reaction or they may wish to get rid of those triggers. There may be some specific television shows and some kind of people who they wish to stay away from. There may be some places that they will want to avoid, there will be some things in the relationship that they may not be comfortable with. All of these things you will have to take into consideration and make sure you keep such triggers away from your partner.
These are the things that are better if they are not mentioned and will help to keep your part happy and joyful. It is very crucial for you to know all of these triggers in detail. It is not only enough to be willing to cooperate; you will have to take initiative to make sure you are doing your best to facilitate the healing of your partner.
#2. Deal With Trust Issues
If your partner has been a victim of sexual abuse, you need to keep in mind the fact that they will have trust issues. People who have been through difficult situations where they have been hurt by other individuals, find it hard to trust people, they are afraid of being betrayed again and do not really wish to easily let others in.
They will find it hard to trust you. In such situations, you will need to make sure you are patient and keep in mind where they are coming from. Please understand the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with you and is all about the past pain that keeps resurfacing back. They are not questioning how trustworthy you are, they just find it hard to trust people at times because of the memory of the betrayal they have faced before.
As someone who is willing to be a partner of such a person keeping in mind the fact they will hesitate to trust at times will make it easy for you to deal with such challenges.
#3. They May Feel Uncomfortable During Love Making At Times
Initially, they may have apprehensions and may feel really uncomfortable when you both make love. There is nothing to be concerned about this. The best way to deal with this is by making sure you make them feel comfortable during the process and make it a beautiful experience that they will want to have again and again. It is crucial to be able to make sure you replace the negative trigger associated with the idea of sexual intimacy and make the experience comfortable for them.
It is all about how you choose to turn all the adverse memories of sexual assault into an advantage for your partner. This is where you will have to take charge as the partner and will have to make sure they do not tend to look back at all the negative things that took place and have a huge amount of good things to look forward to.
#4. Make Up Your Mind
As a partner, you will keep all the above things in mind and make sure you are considerate and understanding towards your partner. But, before you go ahead with this relationship and do all the above things, please make sure you make up your mind. This can prove to be very challenging for you as things may not always be the same from the side of your partner. You cannot blame them; they have experienced something that is traumatic and do not have control over the consequences of it.
What you need to be sure about is the fact that you are absolutely willing to deal with their mood swings and fears. You are willing to be with this person through thick and thin, you are ready to deal with all the challenges that you may have to face. You have to make up your mind and judge for yourself how much you love this person and how much you are ready to invest in this relationship.
All of the other adjustments that you will make and all that you will have to do for your partner will become easy if you chose to be sure about what you are doing. If you have the slightest doubt and fear, do not get into the relationship and make things worse for both of you. Please understand the fact that being a partner to someone who has been the victim of sexual abuse will need you to be very responsible towards them. This is something you will be able to do; only when you can truly love them and when you truly care for them.
Are you dealing with a partner who has been sexually abused before? Are you making all the efforts to make sure your partner who has been sexually abused before is completely comfortable and trying to be a good sexual partner to them? Do you feel this article can help you to do this effectively? Please comment in the box below.
(Images Courtesy: 1.Orenstein Solutions, 2.Well Clinic, 3.Woman's Day, 4.MadameNoire; Uganda Today (Featured Image)