How to deal with being 'The Other Woman'?

Being the other woman to such a man who has a girlfriend or a wife is a very confusing and tricky situation. Many of the women have been there, so they are aware that it is certainly a very confusing state of mind. You start talking to someone who is already connected to someone else. However, you still eventually develop feelings for the person knowing that he can never be yours alone. The situations lead to attraction, flirting, hanging out and you end up having an affair. Sometimes people get over such situations very easily but sometimes they realize that they are in the worst situation ever. That worst situation is called being “the other Woman.” But don’t worry girl, it can happen to the best of us as well.

Certainly making yourself realize that you are being the other woman can be the worse feeling in the world. You get angry, confused and end up getting hurt in most cases. Usually, in such a situation the other women tend to get attached and since the guy is sharing feelings with two women, he can’t get the same feelings. And if you have gradually developed feelings for that person you find yourself in a really terrible situation. It is devastating and frustrating. Whereas men so conveniently forget to tell women that they are in a serious relationship or a marriage. 

It feels awful to become the other women, a tag that no woman likes. In such a situation, it is not very strange that the guy is unable to understand your feelings as he is already involved with someone else. Sharing such feelings is never a good idea. So, ladies, it is never your mistake to fall for a person who could not keep his pants zipped even after having a serious relationship or marriage, instead of just tagging a line that “Men Will Be Men.” However, if you are already there, take our advice on how to deal with it and move on for good:

#1. Confront If You Haven’t Already

If you got to know about his relationship or marriage after you got serious for him, the first thing you should do is to confront the dude. Depending on the time you got to know about the relationship and about being the other woman, show the rage that he deserves. More importantly, to get the whole story right, you should confront him. You definitely owe it to yourself to know the whole story from his end even if just have a doubt or got to know about it through friends or from social media for that matter. You are allowed to get angry, confront him, tell him how you feel. You faced wrong and you have all the right to deal it with as you like. Stand for yourself because nobody else will.

#2. Believe, You Aren’t A Bad Person

The most irritating and pathetic thing about such a situation is that you tell people about this affair or if they get to know about it, they just start judging you. That is what happens, and you can not escape that. What you can escape, however, is that you should not judge yourself. Do not stop believing that you are a great person and you will not become a bad person just because that dude cannot keep up to his words. People can call you with thousands of names, important is that you don’t lose faith in yourself and believe that this situation does not make you an evil human being.

#3. Find The Morally Grey Area

Stop sinking in the concept of black and white. Nothing is completely black and nothing is completely white. There are always the grey moral areas which are present in every human being. Trying to stick to the fact that “how can he do that to me?” won’t help in such situations. He surely can. He just did honey! You need to realize that you can’t always think in absolutes, which mostly leads to more intense drama. Nobody needs to have so much of drama in their life if they are going through such a horrible situation already. You will eventually realize this, but at that present situation, it is more important.

#4. Avoid Telling People Who Knew That Couple

More people knowing the situation creates more trouble. If people, who knew the couple gets involved in the situation, there will debates and choosing sides. That is something you should better avoid as you already are in a nightmare. Spilling the beans to the common friends grows the plants of the virus. It is like inviting to drop the dirty diaper in your own lap. This is, of course, a not-so-good lesson that this situation will teach you. However, the earlier you will learn to keep such cases to yourself, the less trouble you invite to yourself. Even if you tell them, and they are their friends, they will take his side, and you will end up feeling even lonely. If you haven’t heard that saying, let us remind that “bros before hoes” is what they say.

#5. Tell Yourself The Truth

That is absolutely okay if he tells you lies and stupid stuff that is not worth believing. You need to help yourself and try to keep yourself on the side of the truth that even if you have feelings for him, he is never going to be just yours for the obvious reasons. If you will try to make yourself feel good that he said “he loves me and he will leave his wife/girlfriend for me”, that is an absolute lie. Do not believe him and make yourself realize that you took a wrong step believing him and he has his feeling shared and he will never settle for you only. If he wanted to that, he would have done that long time back. Keeping yourself on a shelf will make you suffer for long. Accepting the truth early will hurt more but for less time.

#6. Focus On Your Existence

Getting back on the track of your own life is immensely important in such horrible situations. Do not get afraid to get the hold of your own life. Stop making him the focal point of your world. The important part of your life is to consider your existence and spend time with the people who make you happy. Instead of thinking or spending time with him, that will eventually hurt you; it is better to get a certainty in your life by focusing on the good and something which is under your control. If you get dependent on him or provide him the supreme control of your life, you will never be able to get out of it.

#7. Don’t Talk To His Girlfriend/Wife

If you will try and talk to the girlfriend/wife, it will make no favors for you and moreover, it will present you as the jealous one. He belongs to that women and she might forgive him but will never forgive you. So there is no point of being nice to her when she is even not ready to accept your apology. It will also create a lot of drama and will make no difference in your mental condition. That lying creature will not change like this; it is better to leave him and move on in your own life. Slagging to his wife or girlfriend will prove you to be childish and vulnerable. Since you don’t want to be in that part, you must take it all by yourself and remember he is still with her. Therefore, it is better to sort out your own matter and leave him then and there.

#8. Let Him Go

You probably do not want to listen to this, but this is the inevitable end of this kind of relation; you will have to let him go even if you do not want to. Once you have confronted him and know the whole story of all sides, cut every communication mode with him. If he is a real jerk, he will still try and play his game as he did previously. Therefore, it will be worse for you if you actually plan to stay a little longer. He probably will share some fake plans of breaking up with his girlfriend/wife soon, but believe us if he wanted to do that, he would have already done that. He has deliberately cheated on both the women, that is the clear sign that he is not even worth your time. Moreover, keeping yourself stuck to him or such a situation will keep your life even messier. If he has the guts to cheat on his serious girlfriend or his wife, he can leave you any moment for anything better. The matter of fact is obvious that you need to let him go before he does that to you.

#9. Don’t Give Him Any More Chance

If the guy's been dumped by his wife or girlfriend, he will surely want to get back to you even if that has not happened. He might try to get you back to keep his game strong. However, running back to you can’t happen because of love. If he loved you, the situations would have been a lot easier. He will try to convince you to stick around him for his benefit. Hold yourself tight high and do not ever give him a chance again. Rightly said, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” That guy has lied to you a dozen times and to his girlfriend/wife. Do you really think he is worth giving a chance? Be honest with yourself and select the best for you. Accept the fact that he is a liar, cheater and bad news in all. He is absolutely not worth your time.

#10. Know That Life Goes On

Let yourself be angry and sad for the time you want to be as you have just faced an extremely ugly situation. It is understandable and allowed for you to take all the time to collect yourself back and head towards a new life. Taking time and going through these emotions is an essential process in moving on. Even if he turned out to be a nightmare, take your own time and don’t forget that life goes on. Moreover, if you will get a perfect man to hold you up in bad and good, you will automatically realize that life doesn’t stop for the bad experiences and it will make you witness of the most wonderful time as well. Remove those rose tinted glasses and see the beautiful life waiting for you. You are so much better than being the third wheel.

A couple of weeks or probably months down the line you will know and realize that you no longer contain feelings for that horrible person. He will be buried in your past where he belongs, and you will have a new and beautiful future. Also, realize that the girl he cheated you on, might still be his girlfriend or wife!  You are moved on for good and have a much better life. We hoped to help you one way or another. Let us know your stories or thoughts in the comment section below.

(Images Courtesy: 1. Health Magazine, 2. Reader's Digest, 3. Reader's Digest, 4. Be Yourself, 5. Mark Manson, 6. Reader's Digest: Pinterest(Featured Image)