Manipulation in relationships is all about adverse control exercised by one partner over the other, regardless of how they feel. Just give a thought to these basic questions - where do you live, where and who do you hang out with and what is your favorite night out spot? If the answer to all of these defines your partner's choices, then there is a high possibility that you are stuck with a manipulative partner and a controlling relationship. Therefore, here is how to deal with a manipulative partner, free yourself out of their toxic control and dive into comfortable surroundings of your own.
Most of the manipulative partners have similar traits and they efficiently know how to influence the other person through mental distortions along with intentional emotional exploitation.
#1. A manipulative partner is the one who makes use of different ways to make you feel really insecure.
#2. They make sure that you give up your self-esteem to fulfill their demands.
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#3. Manipulative partners make you feel unimportant in most of the situations.
#4. They know you don't have the courage to question back, hence they mistreat you or even blatantly lie to you.
#5. They play the victim's role, however, it's not true. They make you sympathize with them.
#6. You are forced to pick up a side when making a decision.
#7. You are eventually made to believe that they are the only ones you can trust in this big bad world.
#8. Manipulative partners just want you to completely depend on them and break your morale. Basically, you are isolated from your friends as well as the family.
#9. They make every circumstance revolve around their own problems.
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#10. They are the ones who decide the goods and bad for you.
#11. You are afraid of sharing anything with them due to the fear of being yelled.
#12. They make time for you when it's convenient for them.
#13. They even take over your financial activities.
#14. All the gifts and presents given to you are used as leverages during every argument.
#15. Even the household chores are your responsibility. They always have excuses to not do anything.
#16. A manipulative partner does not allow you to display your true emotions.
#17. He/ she completely disregard your privacy, your hobbies, and interests.
#18. All your friends know, but you try to convince them that your partner is the right choice.
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#19. They have major trust issues and constantly keep on doubting you.
#20. They may also are in the habit of putting you down in front of others and quite literally makes others to even do so.
#1. Opt-Out
You really need to get out of your controlling relationship if saying a simple no is difficult and makes you even more afraid. There are some real abusers out there who make use of violence to get what they want. In that case, you cannot just agree to what he/ she says. But feel less guilty and end the threatening possibilities.
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Struggling in a manipulative relationship is no less than walking on a minefield. You will always have to be guarded despite the love and affection from your end. Neither can you relax, nor can you just embrace! The chances are pretty low for the minefield to bloom into a flowering ground. Therefore, you don't need to take risks and injure yourself. But just sustain your morale and simply walk off from the controlling relationship.
#2. Do Not Accept That Crap
You need to get equally manipulative with what you say and do. Do not let your partner unnecessarily make you feel bad and guilty for even making the right decisions. You shouldn't be taking any blames if they opt for the guilty shaming cards. Falling prey is a bad idea.
Also, keep it in mind that they know how to affectionately trick you before asking for something if they see you slipping out of control. So, whatever convincing techniques they may adopt, you don't have to accept any of it. You need to be determined enough!
#3. Get Emotionally Intelligent
Playing like a victim, they seize all the power, privileges, control and benefits. They detect your weaknesses and use them against you. But remember, you have the right to be treated with respect. You need to set your own priorities and even stick to those what may ever be the situation.
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There is no need to be threatened because if it is love, it shouldn't be about being frightened from the other person. Once you emotionally get stronger, you will yourself set up those boundaries.
#4. Maintain A Safe Distance
It is not your job to keep saving your controlling relationship or keep changing the behavior of your manipulative partner. You will have to consult a psychologist in critical cases. He/ she might have extreme social differences. One moment they can be polite, the other moment they can be completely rude. On one hand, he/ she can be totally helpless, the other side they can be absolutely fierce.
But otherwise, if you don't feel it is right to break the relationship, just maintain a safe distance from your (manipulative) partner. There's nothing too complex about it!
#5. No Self-Blame
It is quite understandable for you to feel inadequate in a controlling relationship. Manipulative personality partners have an agenda to always pull you down and over-exploit your weaknesses. You may start blaming yourself in each and every situation. But will all that calm your manipulative relationship? Is all that hate for yourself even required? No! That's not the key!
No person is good or bad. The problem persists with the manipulative circumstances where you are made to act in a certain manner. And this is what makes you surrender in front of your partner. But you need to keep reminding yourself that this too is some kind of an emotional abuse. Self-blame leads to depression. Therefore, a manipulative partner and depression is a deadly combination.
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#6. Say No
The no that you say needs to be pretty diplomatic yet firm. Yes, you will have to say no to their unreasonable demands. Manipulative relationships are poisonous. They do not let you grow, they strongly exercise control over you and a manipulative partner may not assume you to be a priority. But you need to prioritize and love yourself. You have to respect your boundaries and also make others do the same. Don't feel guilty if you don't want to give a green signal to something!
Just remember the strength that you have when refusing a salesperson who is forcefully selling his/ her products. Gather the same strength, feel that self-control, achieve your personal goals, set your own priorities and don't let anyone enter your zone to create havoc. Just say no or just hang a "beware" signboard outside your territory.
#7. Confrontation
You might never come to know when your manipulative partner would become a bully or a lethal abuser. So, it is important for you to remain compliant and passive rather than being a weaker. In no way, you have to let any of their intimidation affect your mental peace. Understand this little concept - when a victim (the partner who is being manipulated) shows his back to the offender and starts to firmly stand for their basic rights, bullies turn out to be cowards.
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The classic example is that school bully who kept on making you doubt your potential and you too made sure he/ she has the right to do so. But, the moment you backfired, there was nothing more superior. So, get up, stand up and stand up for your rights!
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