Let us all face the fact that while we are in a lovey-dovey relationship, it is very easy for us to write off the faults and flaws we observe in the relationship or our partners. However, once we prepare ourselves to see the reality, signs of an unhealthy relationship get considerably prominent.
Certain issues come up which are too critical to overlook, and they also indicate towards you being in a controlling relationship, or you can also call it as an unhealthy relationship.
So, here are 20 relationships advice to let you know about the warning signals of a bad relationship.
A toxic relationship rings multiple warning alarms to gain your attention. But it depends on how and when do you recognize them. These are easy to miss and can happen to just anyone. Therefore, here are 20 must know signs of an unhealthy relationship.
#1. Losing Yourself
One of the most visible signs to look out for is to make sure that you are not losing on your own self in search of finding someone else. If you think you need someone else, the truth is that you may need yourself even more. A relationship that survives at the expense of your individual growth can only suffocate you both emotionally as well as physically.
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#2. Change Is What You Always Think Of
A bad relationship or a controlling relationship basically focuses more on changing the other person rather than self. In an ideal relationship, you aren't really concentrating on molding the other person into someone else. If you are doing that, the relationship becomes more about one person rather than two. When you are in a healthy relationship, the two of you respect each other's individual identities and love them for whoever they are.
#3. You Are Let Down
Despite all the efforts, you constantly keep feeling bad about yourself. And when you are uncomfortable in a relationship, it starts showing up on your skin as well. Relationships that are mature do not believe in the notion of being judgmental. They are based on acceptance, loyalty, and truth.
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#4. Is It Really Love?
Do you really know it is love? Can't it be infatuation? How can you know if you are on the right track? It's a simple thing to notice - when your situations start getting tougher, it is when you come to know the depths of your relationship. Unhealthy relationships are more about what the other person can do for you rather than what you two as a couple can do to handle the challenging situations.
#5. It Need Not Be Love
Jealously and possessiveness are two more signs to look out for if the relationship is pretty new or confusing. It is not necessary to be termed as love. You can be a victim of need and desires that they want to get fulfilled through you. You need to analyze that there isn't enough room for the two of you to continue the relationship. It becomes more about just the either one of you to make it a controlling relationship.
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#6. Dominating Behavior
If overpowering and/ or dominating behavior is something you are dealing with every day, then make sure to get out of this relationship. It is one of the most prominent warning signs of a bad relationship. No one, mark these words, no one has the power to control you unless you don't give the command in their hands. And this applies even to your life partner. It is also a sure sign of being in an unhealthy relationship that you are easily letting someone else control your existence.
#7. Positivity Isn't Present
None of the negatives are getting turned into positives. You can feel there is no positivity to put forward your best. The relationship actually pulls you down and insults and criticism are an everyday affair. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect and hostility and neither should you make excuses to let just anyone treat you with animosity.
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#8. It Is Always Your Fault
Your partner never tries to understand that something that just happened or something that happened long ago never was due to their fault. When you are involved with someone who keeps blaming you for their anger and problems and in fact, you are also spending your energy in making them understand your point of view; you need to stop that right away!
In a situation where you have to keep defending yourself just to prove your worth or your state, it can be the weirdest thing you'll ever do in the relationship. Assume it this way; no one can really make sense out of utter nonsense.
#9. Debates Are Never-Ending
Conflicts and arguments are never-ending. There surely have been good days, but they are lesser in number when compared to the bad ones. Any relationship that is defined only by fights, blame games and a lack of forgiveness, it just spells disaster. The more you pull each side of an argument, the more it gets elongated. There is no sure shot way out for such problems. If you don't find solutions, the relationship just gets pricked in a trap.
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#10. You Feel Exhausted
When you start feeling that life is getting sucked out of you while being in this relationship, it's time to reconsider your decision. You are not a vampire's host to let them feed on you whenever they want. So, when you start feeling drained, and exhaustion is all that you feel, then the relationship can barely flourish. All you will be left with is absolute sorrow.
#11. Too Many Expectations
When there are unhealthy and too many expectations from you in the relationship, it creates dissonance throughout the time. If the partner is not able to give equally and just keeps asking, it's time for you to self-question and introspects a million things to analyze the differing standards in the relationship.
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#12. You Aren't Doing What You Are Supposed To Do
If you wake up one day to the realization that you haven't been doing what you are supposed to, then take a quick check. Take a look at your wardrobe and just see the clothes that you have been wearing for quite a long time. Are they all your choice or have you been trapped in the circle that your partner has created? A super skilled manipulator can easily make you think that something you don't want personally is just the right and best thing for you. It's just a matter of power and control.
#13. More Haters
You need to start looking out for patterns that arise in your relationship and analyze them carefully. If a majority of his/ her friends, acquaintances or exes keep issuing warning signals about them, there definitely are chances they can be correct!
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#14. Demotivating Partner
One sign of an unhealthy relationship that is pretty hard to spot is where your partner disregards your goals and achievements. For instance, you want to take bigger chances towards your goals, but what your partner says each time is highly demotivating - "I don't see you getting there," "I don't think you can really make it big" or "wouldn't you be happier doing something else?
Let us tell you, healthy relationships believe in pushing each other to take greatest risks and achieve their goals. Honest opinions are one thing but never being supportive of your decisions is something totally different.
#15. Anger
If your partner is short-tempered, it's time for you to be careful. Even if their anger is not really directed at you most of the time, it isn't necessary that something like this would not even happen in future. It's only a matter of time before they actually get crazy over your acts too.
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#16. Love Isn't Sufficient
Love isn't always a healthy aspect of a relationship. It may or may not keep your mental peace to retain you at the right spot. It wouldn't always help in lifting your spirit; love can also tear you apart. Without respect and trust, love alone is not sufficient to let the relationship keep going towards the right way.
#17. Boundaries Are Being Crossed
When the two of you are no longer willing to listen to each other during arguments or even otherwise, it is time to reconsider the entire relationship. Once you have lost that respect and care for each other, nothing really works. Abuse takes over your life. Even if you are calling each other just crazy or stupid, you are somewhat crossing your boundaries every time. There needs to be some sort of decency maintained!
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#18. Inevitable Comparisons
Comparisons are deadly. It weakens a person emotionally. So, when your partner keeps comparing you to other people and your activities with that of other couples, you are dealing with an unhealthy relationship. If he/ she does that unfavorably, you don't really share a sense of belongingness within the relationship.
#19. You Are Forever Lonely
Loneliness seeps in even if the two of you are together. There also is an absence of affection. You rarely smile with each other, you hardly kiss, your sex life is also lacking all that spark, you haven't taken a vacation since ages and you don't even remember the last time you faced challenges together.
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#20. You Are Clueless
Another signal that can let you know if you are in a healthy relationship or not is the game of clue. When you are always on a lookout for clues in the relationship, it means there is something wrong. You always keep wondering what your partner is up to as you personally have no clue. Something smells fishy and two plus two doesn't give out the answer four.
If it's so, dear reader, you should make efforts to part your ways. Not having any idea about your partner's activities is okay if it happens sometimes. But if such is an everyday habit, you will have to get cautious about the relationship. First, he/ she might be calling you crazy, but now there would be chances of cheating as well.
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10 Opinions
When you are in an unhealthy relationship, it really breaks you down. Accept it or not, it absolutely does! After all that keeps happening day and night, you are only left with two choices - deal with it and fix it yourself or right away get professional help. Just staying and not doing anything shouldn't even be a thing on your brain. The relationship would make you feel unsafe, unhappy or unmotivated about life. But the relationship can turn healthy if you actually ready to bring in hope. For this to happen, you need to understand where the things are heading, is it love or just infatuation or is it abuse?
Unhealthy and an abusive relationship have a difference and there's the line that will help you take the right decision. But yes, it's also a two-way effort to pull the relationship in its original form. Appreciation and expression of feelings won't work if the two of you stay mad at each other and both of you require some kind of an improvement in some or the other way. Efforts done by one person goes waste if the other person is never ready to listen. So, it is very important to know on what terms your relationship is working. Take a deep breath, analyze the pros and cons and then take a decision. Even if on the most exciting days, if you go on a cruise trip and stay stuck with your smart phone, it is better to part ways and find a better meaning to your life. There's no hard and fast rule to keep trying and trying even after there's no spark left. And mind it, my opinion is for the people whose bucket list items are exhausted and all that's left are rocks and some mud instead of shine and glitter!
But, change is possible and takes a hell lot of work on the sides of both partners for taking it uphill and developing healthier and safer habits. Both of you are playing your parts in escalating the conflicts and hence you label your relationship as toxic. Change capacity depends on several aspects and that's what you need to comprehend. Once you are aware of the disposition, respond constructively and ensure you aren't reacting the other way round. Both of you need to listen and then sensitively put forward the personal perspective. Communication is essential for the survival of the living beings, hence if you want your toxic relation to enthral, revamp your speaking style and the two of you may benefit to the max. Immediately contact the emergency helpline number, your family or friends or a therapist if your relationship is abusive and talking cannot make any transformation. You don’t want to land under the umbrella of domestic violence or destroyed mental peace!