Romantic movies and novels create an altogether different kind of a world in our brains about how our dating or life partner should be. We reckon upon those facts to chalk out a figure of how are they going to act, how they'll be treating us, how they'll eat, walk or dress. But, least do we realize that such fictional things shove our minds with unrealistic expectations about relationships in real life. This, in turn, sets up a stage for conflicts and disappointments instead of love, kindness, and honesty.
Patience takes a jump out of the scene, and high expectations in a relationship are what we are generally left with. One relationship advice that would always hold importance is that relationships require efforts at each step. But what if you are being selfish? The following can happen.
Expectation: Destiny is the one that's going to bring in my life the right person for me. She/ he is all I would ever need to make my life happy.
Reality: I met her/ him through coincidence, and I don't really know if they are the right one. All I care for is to make them happy with all the best I have.
Combined living spaces, household bills and shared responsibilities initially make you feel super happy for having each other. It looks like a Disney relationship where everything is perfect. And each one of you at some point in time must have expected how their romantic life is going to be. But with time, the biggest problem that starts arising is the problem of expectations, in fact too many unrealistic expectations.
When your freedom starts getting compromised, and in case you are one of those persons who easily gets influenced by the way how other couples embrace their life, then your relationship has all the chances of messing up too quickly. But remember that fewer expectations about the relationship give way to lesser disappointments. Some really genuine expectations are pretty normal to have, after all, we as humans are conditioned to be that way. But, functioning on the wrong side is what ruins the circumstances. And it will be even better to say that not expectations but people with high expectations kill the essence of the relationship. Labeling expectation as the culprit is like believing that guns kill people!
Please do a favor to yourself and stop obsessing with your relationship. This is not the only thing you need to talk about each day. Understand that your partner wants you to be appreciative, respectful, understanding, trustworthy, optimistic and of course, a sporty character to be around. But not all of us are happy with the way a relationship works, in general. We keep craving for more and more to happen or to settle in the track itself. We don't really want to make any efforts nor do we want to be assumed as a substitute. But, you weren't put on the earth just be a wife, a husband, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. You came here to be you at the first place. And to stay ture to yourself, you have to achieve what's good for you. If there are problems, you ought to fix them. And if there is happiness, you ought to embrace that. You don't have to demean your life.
Having expectations exactly does the same thing - undignify your life. You undermine your happiness just because the other person did not respond the way you expected them to. But yes, we also don't mean that you need to lower your expectations in just every sphere of life. We simply mean that you don't have to cause any unnecessary pain to yourself nor to others, especially to your partner. Establish a vision of how you expect about the relationship. But don't get unrealistic and also be prepared for both the best and the worst.
The first-ever relationship advice that any relationship expert will utter is to not expect too much from your partner. Both of you need that required space to happily stay together and express feelings without the fear of being yelled at. Unrealistic expectations or the high expectations in a relationship pave way for too many internal troubles. We need to face the fact that once the relationship that seemed heavenly, gradually becomes pretty inconvenienced. Things are not really that simple the way they look. And these are the most unrealistic expectations that one can have in a relationship.
#1. I Should Be The Priority
In relationships, nothing is more special when you are your partner's first priority. But, if you force them into doing so, there's nothing as sadistic. Each relationship has its own rules and responsibilities to take care of. But if you are with him or her just to put yourself first, then such expectations about relationships don't really take you much forward.
Being the number one is a myth. The world we live in is pretty demanding, and it requires our focus on pretty much everything at once. Always making time for yourself isn't a possible demand. They have several things to deal with just the way you too have. Therefore, being the second or third is in no way a wrong thing unless there is a deeper feeling of love and understanding within.
#2. We/ I Don't Need Anyone Else
The concept of distancing yourself from the rest of the world is really vague. You need to maintain your social life with family and friends. And just because you have your significant other doesn't entitle you to neglect the other important people in your life.
You need a BFF, you need a colleague, you need parents, you need siblings, you need hang-out buddies and not all needs can be fulfilled by just one person in your life. The sooner you realize, the better your relationship expectations get.
#3. Be A Mind Reader
No, they cannot be a mind reader. You need to very carefully explain your feelings to your partner. Get practical my friends, they are your partner, not a fortune teller who would pick a card and line up your struggles along with relationship advice.
When you are not communicating your thoughts, you are keeping the other person in darkness and under the effect that everything's alright. But, when your communication channels are clear, nothing can really fail your relationship.
#4. We Would Never Fight
Another unrealistic expectation in the relationship is to assume that fights will ruin your peace. In fact, fights are essential and they make your relationship seem very real. Conflicts make space for the two of you to grab the opportunity of discussing several things which aren't possible otherwise. It helps in establishing the relationship rather than ruining the same.
#5. My Way Or HighWay
No, relationships don't work that way. Your association goes hand in hand and should walk shoulder to shoulder. All of us are flawed in our own ways. Hence, any one person's way is the right way could be a highly unrealistic expectation. Both of you have your own creative ways to function in daily activities. Therefore, you should learn to embrace the differences and not keep criticising when the other person makes a decision in the relationship. Don't resort to my way right way or the highway concept!
#6. Our Sex Life Will Keep Igniting Forever
As both of you start to age and as you get involved in your routine, accept the fact that the way your sex life is ignited right now, it isn't a surety to remain that way forever. Intimacy becomes a daily custom over time, and you run out of sexual tricks that initially impressed the two of you. It's way too unreal to expect too much from your partner when it comes to sexual intimacy. Both of you have your highs and lows, and you have to take care of those interests.
#7. Everyone Needs To Love My Partner
It's a fallacy to believe that everyone is going to admire the person you love. You need to watch out for this belief that the contrary can also happen. Be it your parents, friends, relatives or the worst of all, anyone you know, can not like this person. But this wouldn't mean that you'll start undertaking efforts into making this person the most lovable.
No, this is not how a relationship works. The two of you have to accept the fact that there will always be someone who will not like your partner and you have to be okay with it without alienating your companion.
#1. Start creating your own happiness along with confidence and power.
#2. Accept that people cannot always be the way you want them to be and be ready for their reactions.
#3. Expectations are like a game where you are guaranteed to lose.
#4. Try to live in the moment as much as you can. You only get to face disappointments when you slip from the current frame of mind.
#5. Drop your expectations of other's actions and only then will you be able to think about what you should be doing and what you shouldn't.
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