Married sex has had a bad rap since time immemorial. Out go the steamy sexy sessions of heavy petting of the pre-wedding days and in comes the mundane, vanilla sex of post-wedding times. With in-laws, babies and household chores in the way, sex life is all but a fizzling flame of a flaring past. Well, at least that’s what popular culture has us believing.
However, how much you enjoy sex does not depend on your relationship status, it depends on how you feel about each other and how much you enjoy each other’s bodies. Obviously, when sex life is slathered with the responsibilities of marriage, some creativity, and extra effort is called for. So, if you feel your sex life is getting boring, just a few changes can bring back the golden days of writhing bodies and simultaneous orgasms.
No, not THAT head. If you have ever heard that the brain is the largest sex organ, you haven’t heard wrong. In fact, the brain alone can tell your private parts that sexy times are afoot and it is time to get into action mode. So, a sexy mindset can trigger things the right way. Look at your partner and think about having sex with them. Marriage is a tricky business, and sometimes there might be repressed anger looming inside you. Let go of any anger or resentment and talk about things that need to be talked about. An anxious mind does not make for a fun sex session. Communicate first and don’t just jump to the action. If you do, you will come out disappointed. But, if the brain is free of all other thoughts but the thought of sex, it will show in your actions as well.
Do not for a second think that scheduling sex means it’s boring or mundane. All it means is that you are ready to make extra efforts for your sex life and want to do it no matter how busy you both are. Create a schedule by merging both your schedules and looking for windows where you can kick back your heels and do the deed. Sometimes, your schedule might unravel, and you might end up not doing it at the designated time. Do not feel disappointed with yourself or your partner is such a case. Just try and make the next sex appointment and make the most of it. When you do manage to make it in time for sex, make it the best ever by forgetting about everything else and indulging in the act. Babies, jobs can all come back later. This is your time.
Foreplay is so important yet so underrated when it comes to sex. Even when you do not have time for the whole show, foreplay can be a little trailer telling your partner ‘yeah, I’m still into you.' Foreplay doesn’t need to happen only before sex; it can last all day long with deep kisses before leaving for work, a little touching when you see each other in the evening and then intense foreplay at night before sex. Foreplay keeps you both interested in sex all day long so you’re ready for it by night time. Plus, it leads to a well-lubricated lady which is just good for everyone. So, add foreplay to the mix of things, and you will really feel the difference every time you get down to it.
The second kind of play that some people like to indulge in is role-playing. However, it is not every couple’s cup of tea. Some simply negate it by saying we need to be ourselves and not someone else. But, the couples who do indulge in role play, open a wealth of opportunities and ensure that sex doesn’t get boring for a long, long time. Tap into your fantasies and think about what you would like to do. Be the sexy waitress that just wants to show the customer a good time or be a naughty doctor who focuses on the well-being of body parts. Costumes help but you can even play roles without them. Just use your imagination and you can make sex different each time.
It might seem like the worst idea right now, even more so if you have a wailing baby at home. But, hear us out. A mini-vacation can be nothing but an overnight stay at a local hotel or a single friend’s apartment. Time away from the ruckus of the family can make for some hot, hot sex. Plus, being in a hotel away from home is the perfect set up for some role play. Strangers meeting for a one night stand, maybe? When you are away, think of nothing but each other and try to relive the pre-wedding dates. It will be refreshing, and the sex will be off the charts.
Just a simple tweak in a well-worn position can give you a world of untapped pleasure. The great part about married sex is that you are completely attuned to your partner’s body. You know what they like and what they dislike. Take this information into the bedroom and try some new moves that you know they will love. Speaking of new, buying new toys for the bedroom can also add spice to your sex life. Something as simple as a pair of plastic handcuffs will give you hours of exciting sex and maybe some embarrassing laughs. If you’re condom people, a new flavor can make a big difference, and if not, flavored lubes are aplenty. Make every session an adventure, and neither of you will ever complain of boredom.
When you are married, especially with kids, do not ever worry about not having sex as often as you used to. Understand that it is impossible and maybe even a bad idea to try and do it as much as before. This will just add pressure and make for sub-par, forced sex. Instead, focus on making each time you do it the best time ever. You could just do it once a week but make sure it’s mind-blowing and better than the last time you did it. Make it so hot that it lasts you an entire week. When it comes to sex, fretting about quantity will hurt quality, and that will just make you both feel frustrated with yourself and each other. So, make sure you do it only when you both can so there’s no pressure, only pleasure.
This might sound obvious but can make a huge difference if not adhered to. If you are married with babies, make sure you keep your bedroom baby free. Sleeping with the baby in the same room can be like throwing a bucket of water on a burning fire. It’s a bad idea. Make sure you put your baby in the habit of sleeping in its own room in its own crib. Of course, this will mean you’ll need to invest in a baby monitor and wake up to check them multiple times. But the baby free sex in your sexual sanctum will make it well worth it.
A new marriage and excessive responsibilities teamed with work stress can make your partner or you feel less than sexy. When sex is the last thing on your mind, don’t be too hard on yourself. You will feel like it tomorrow or in a few days. Similarly, if your partner says no, don’t make them feel like your sex life is doomed. Maybe do something else as a couple like watching a film or going out to dinner, all the while knowing that you can rock each other’s world, just not tonight. This way, you will keep the pressure off each other and avoid unnecessary fights with your spouse.
If not having an orgasm makes you irritable and not a very good spouse, by all means, help yourself. Bring yourself to an orgasm the nights when you cannot have sex, so you’ll wake up satisfied and not mad at your partner for being too tired last night. Masturbation can give you more intense orgasms that sex can. So, go ahead and indulge in some self-love. Even better is doing it simultaneously, so you are still doing something intimate together. On nights when you’re both too tired to move a muscle, this idea can come in ‘handy.'
At the end of the day, let your partner know that you love them no matter what. Sexual ups and downs are subject to situational changes. Let them not affect the sanctity of your marriage. If you constantly fight about not having enough sex, keep all the above points in mind and make the next sex session an awesome one.
Tell us how you make your married sex life amazing. Drop comments in comment section below.